The Road

tony says:
IT'S A LONG LONG ROAD!!! FROM WHICH THERE IS NOOOOO RETURN! HE AINT HEAVY HE'S MY BROTHER!!! great book... mediocre movie.. great viggo
Alex says:
THE ROAD GOES EVER ON AND ON! DOWN FROM THE DOOR WHERE IT BEGAN!never read the book, short stories? meh... but viggo is the shit... if anyone can survive the road, its him
tony says:
al do u think viggo asks the director as often as possible if he could do a scene bare-assed?
Alex says:
yes, infact in every film I think he asks that. Peter Jackson said no though, cuz the hobbits...you know
tony says:
"uh i was just thinking that maybe this scene would be more powerful if i was in bare ass.."
and you know what.. it usually is more powerful. viggo is the man
Alex says:
"I know we're suppose to be in sub-zero temps. but maybe if i swam out to that oil tanker...say...buck nekkid...it'll be more realistic?"
tony says:
what is your social commentary on the road.. i cant wait to hear this. and why do you hate the kid? i thought he was the heart and soul of the film, well of the book anyway
Alex says:
I don't like the current social portrayal of pre-tween boys in films from The Road to Wild Tings
tony says:
explain
Alex says:
the kid is the reason there is a movie, and thats not a good reason
tony says:
no the movie is about how love conquers all. oh man.. i've changed! who am i?!
Alex says:
I don't know you! you want to see New Moon
tony says:
only so i can do a review on it!
Alex says:
anyways back to the douche bag kid, they're too much of useless crybabies and wusses.
they never get anything done, pulls everyone around them down and just cries and cries
tony says:
he's trying to survive ARMAGGEDDEN! and he's just a boy! i've seen you watch deep impact.. and you went into the fetal position.. this boy is LIVING it!
Alex says:
if the kid grew up post apocalyptic, I don't believe he would be this compasionate
tony says:
viggo raised him to be! HE CARRIES THE FIRE!
Alex says:
he snuffed out the fire with his endless sniffeling
tony says:
he is humanity in a world without feelings! omg who am i?
Alex says:
2012 had more feelings
tony says:
i'll 2012 your face!
Alex says:
I don't know if old Tony is back or this is some unholy union of new & old Tony
tony says:
a hybrid? i think i hate myself and love myself! did you like the many cameos in this film? our favourite scumbag is back!
Alex says:
the cameo was awesome, he needs more scumbag roles, or at least break out into something new, like a romcom
tony says:
robert duval is the man, ok i think this is how a apolcalyptic movie is supposed to be done.. albeit it was kinda long and boring sometimes.. 7.5/10 for me
Alex says:
the dirtiets hobo evar! 7/10, not too interesting and no action, but the bleakness portrayed in the scenery was well done
tony says:
and the kid was awesome
Alex says:
Bleakness should have credits
tony says:
bleaker or less bleak than 2012?
Alex says:
the kid needed to be backhanded back inside Charlize! bleaker! this is like 2012 aftermath, if ppl still lived on North America
tony says:
charlize was the most useless character in the film.. has she EVER done a good film?


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick:Vigoo "The Man" Mortensen
Tony's Pick: the kid

Line of the Movie:
Al: "yur boy suuure looks ungry!"
Tony: "yes i do. YES I DO!"

The Men Who Stare at Goats

tony says:
ok our long long delayed review for goats.. i must admit i dont remember much about the film... what do you have to say al?
Alex says:
They needed jedi knights to fight the commies!This film was Meta! it transcends its own celluloid trappings to touch films like Oceans and Star Wars trilogy Mind Blown!
tony says:
meta or no meta the ending was terrible.. and i thought jeff bridges might be even a shadow of himself when he was The Dude, but it wasnt so! funny parts were all in the trailer and i dont like ewan.. never have
Alex says:
Ewan is the man! hes a frickin Jedi Knight! he can run through walls
tony says:
not enough goats? too much goats? or just enough goats?
Alex says:
not enough! needed much much more goats on scene
tony says:
hahah there were a lot though but i agree! ok so it wasnt a terrible film.. it had it's moments... had some goats.. had some men to stare at these goats... but overall it wasnt as good as i suspected! not very memorable, 'cause i cant think of anything to say
Alex says:
it was funny enough, but you're right, it could have been much better, the audience seemed to enjoy it enough but I don't trust the AMC16 audience
tony says:
i dont even remember but i have the same mistrust
Alex says:
the winston churchill crowd is a step above
tony says:
6.5/10 for me.. it was different.. and it was funny at times.
Alex says:
6/10 for me, 5 goats and 1 LSD laced scrambled egg, the ending ruined it
tony says:
oh i forgot about the druggings! spacey is a douche
Alex says:
he is a douche!
Alex says:
I dun like that spacey guy!

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Ewan's character, which I don't even remember the name
Tony's Pick: jeff bridges

Line of the Movie:
Al: "I live on her red earth and eat her green crust"
Tony: "right now what the world needs, is jedis"

2012

tony says:
ok guys
Ivan says:
F U AL
Ivan says:
wtf have you been!?
Alex says:
F U too!
Ivan says:
been too long!
Alex says:
where've you been?!
Ivan says:
yeah, i said it
Alex says:
sheeeeet
tony says:
ok ok enough with the small talk. i thought that maybe we could last the whole year with having street fighter be the worst film i saw.. but i was wrong
Ivan says:
i've been around!
Ivan says:
1 more month until DEXTERTHON
tony says:
indeed!
tony says:
john cusack is immortal
Ivan says:
Oh snap! I'm still waiting to watch Legend of Chun-Li
Ivan says:
John Cusack the Immortal
Alex says:
dexter thon is the sheeeet
Ivan says:
he got his title a while ago
Ivan says:
John Cusak the Undying
tony says:
john cusack the god
tony says:
this movie is retarded
Alex says:
Cusack saves humanity
Ivan says:
All by his lonesome!
tony says:
would you want to live in that world?
Alex says:
the new bible will be based on cusack, in the 2012 world
tony says:
more films like this, and i'm gonna start wishing the mayans are right
Ivan says:
Did you pre-order yours on Amazon? You receive a coaster if you do!
Ivan says:
I like how his kids hate him, then they love him, and his wife also hates him, but then she also loves him.
Alex says:
cuz he saves lives
tony says:
i like how he cant die
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
Ivan says:
And he hates his wife's boyfriend, but then he grows to love him before he is eaten by the gears
Alex says:
kids and wife should've died in a firery fireball
tony says:
i hate how the true hero, sasha, dies a villains death
tony says:
f that
Ivan says:
yeah!
Alex says:
sasha is a douche
Ivan says:
wtf, he was my favorite guy
tony says:
i hate how i watched this film
tony says:
i hate all of humanity
Ivan says:
me too!
Ivan says:
but the popcorn was good. ask Dunja
tony says:
oh u guys ate stuff?
Alex says:
I like how I liked this film and I got to watch Tony squirm with hate for the movie...thats 2 joys...2
tony says:
u didnt vomit at the intergalactic stupidness of the film?
tony says:
f u al
Alex says:
2!!
tony says:
seriously i wanted to be in those volcanoes
Alex says:
(' ' )v thats me holding up a v for 2 joys
Alex says:
2!!!
Ivan says:
I like how Danny Glover made the ultimate sacrifice. I also like how we think we're so important that the world will end, and we will make boats so that we survive!
Alex says:
those weren't boats, they were battelstars
tony says:
danny glover survives
tony says:
i dont care
Ivan says:
I agree, if anyone should have been a hero, it was him
Alex says:
they crash through and can pulverise mountains
Alex says:
if you stayed after the credits, they were going to blast off into space
tony says:
THE WORLD IS ENDING! WE ARE ALL ON A EFFIN ARK/BATTLESTAR!!! WHAT IM GONNA DO IS ASK YOU OUT ON A DATE!
tony says:
DAMN! SLIT MY THROAT NOW
Ivan says:
Did you know John Cusak can drive on any terrain or earth shattering earthquake?
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
Alex says:
he has tactical driving tree mastered
Ivan says:
I hope John Cusack is eaten by a hungry gypsy
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK CREATED GYPSIES!
tony says:
AND WHAT JOHN CUSACK CREATES, JOHN CUSACK CAN DESTROY!
Ivan says:
Hey guys, do you like how everyone falls in love with John Cusack in this movie?
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK IS LOVE!
Alex says:
I think his son is secretly plotting Cusack's demise after he left Gordon to the grind
Alex says:
but Cusack already knew this
Ivan says:
John Cusack is the essence of life
tony says:
HE KNOWS ALL!
tony says:
OMG I HATE THIS FILM
tony says:
HATE
tony says:
HATE
tony says:
HATE
Alex says:
I think its moving up to 3 joys
Ivan says:
I loathe it! With every protein and proteoglycan in my body!
tony says:
i'm chinese.. im gonna build an ark
Ivan says:
ROFL
tony says:
and you guys can't come
Ivan says:
but then you will let us in at the last minute
tony says:
yes because this is not how we start humanity
Ivan says:
Humanity sucks!
Ivan says:
so does Derakin
Alex says:
I'll build my own freaking ark
tony says:
i'm not racist.. but man i think i'm starting to HATE the mayans
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
Alex says:
leave the mayans alone
tony says:
they didnt leave me alone!
Ivan says:
I think the mayans have been completely misinterpreted
Alex says:
all they did was make a calendar
tony says:
they are indirectly to blame for this horror of a film
Ivan says:
so is Noah
tony says:
HAHAHAHAHA
Ivan says:
i'll give you 2 of my fists in your face!
Ivan says:
put that on your boat
tony says:
ok whatever i gave chun li movie.. i give this peice of shit .5 less
tony says:
done
tony says:
lets never speak of this again
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK
Alex says:
6/10!
tony says:
SHUT UP MAN
Ivan says:
F U AL
Alex says:
bring it!
Alex says:
movie is awesome!
tony says:
YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO DEXTER THON
Ivan says:
2/10
Alex says:
gonna start my own cusack thon
Ivan says:
popcorn was good

The Chelios Award
Al's Pick: the dog, cuz he fn made it!
Tony's Pick: woody
Ivan: woody

Line of the Movie:
Al: "its beautiful!"
Tony: i refuse to acknowledge a line that was good in a film that had no good lines
Ivan: "F U cusack" i'm sure someone said it

Saw VI

Alex says:
to get ppl in the mood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQk8VNkAZBw
tony says:
ok what can you say about saw?
tony says:
same crap
tony says:
every year
tony says:
more clips from the past and more confusion
Alex says:
maybe 6 is the last,
Alex says:
but I don't think they'll stop
tony says:
they'll never stop
tony says:
eventually it will just all be clips from old saw movies..
Alex says:
with idiots like use perpetuating the crap spewing movie making machine, this will keep coming out, look at the producers of scary movie 4, i think that was a tag line for a movie
tony says:
i've said it once and i'll say it again though.. they're not to blame.. we are.. we keep watching this garbage
Alex says:
they'd have to recap the whole collection of saw and saw XIV will be a 5 hour epic art piece
tony says:
haha true
tony says:
anyway the last thing i want to do in life right now is a saw review
tony says:
3/10
tony says:
done
Alex says:
saw saw...saw sawwww saawwww sawwww saw saw sawww sawa sawww!!!
Alex says:
3/10 sounds about right too

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: jigsaw, cuz the man is a mastermind
Tony's Pick: us for hanging in there

Line of the Movie:
Al: "Hello, I want to play a..." ah fuck it
Tony: "this is not my game!"

Paranormal Activity

Alex says:
Before the review begins, Tone is still losing sleep over this movie
Alex says:
just thought I throw that out there
tony says:
it's a scary film i dont care what you say
tony says:
it hits and deals with things when you're the most vulnerable and safe
tony says:
when you're at home sleeping
Alex says:
Wild Things is scarier than Paranormal
tony says:
oh please
Alex says:
whatsup with ppl sleeping with their doors open?
tony says:
yeah i mean lets get something straight
tony says:
the characters are unrealistic and stupid
tony says:
especially the boyfriend, he is the quintessential guy who's suppose to die in a horror film. he did everything wrong.
tony says:
but the bottom line is it was effin scary
Alex says:
Micah is the stupiest douche evar!
Alex says:
sure he drives the movie, but common, I think he wanted to fist fight the demon
Alex says:
Blair Witch did it right, and while it took at long time for ppl to openly copy the formula, it doesn't have the same impact anymore
tony says:
blair witch did do it better.. but it was in the woods.. so by default that made it less scary
tony says:
micah is dumb...but he had to be like that.. every other normal person would've stopped filming
tony says:
and then we have no movie
Alex says:
I hope there isn't going to be another influx of home cam horror movies coming out
tony says:
i agree
tony says:
so you didnt think it was scary at all?
tony says:
i almost peed my pants a few times
Alex says:
no!
Alex says:
without giving the plot away, the characters made some really stupid choices and by the end of the film I'm glad they got what they did
tony says:
i agree with everything that u said
tony says:
but it was still scary!
tony says:
anything insubstantial is scary
Alex says:
oooo closing door!, baby powder foot prints! I woulda called Johan the first night already and got this shit over with
tony says:
you're missing the point
tony says:
yes they were idiots! but yes it was terrifying!
Alex says:
If Micah is as dumb as he is, I woulda asked for the demon to pocess my gf and beat the evar loving demonic spirit outta her so bad, the demon woulda felt it
tony says:
i have no defense for how stupid micah is
tony says:
and in a way that did ruin the movie for me
tony says:
but once again it didnt make it less scar.. i am a effin broken record!
tony says:
if any of that happened to u.. i'd like to see how u;d react
Alex says:
blood scarafices, cross, pentagrams, 8gwa mirrors, star of david, goats, chickens, insence, candles of all colours, I fn believe!
tony says:
what is a 8gwa mirror?
Alex says:
octagon
Alex says:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3119/2749001619_fd9c258f0a.jpg
tony says:
is that from lost?!
Alex says:
no you moron! are you asian!?
tony says:
i don't walk in those circles ok? i'm afraid of this stuff!
Alex says:
maybe that is why you're afraid!
Alex says:
oh snap!
tony says:
ok that was pretty deep
tony says:
and profound
Alex says:
we're not teaching him, hes teaching us?
tony says:
oh shut up!
tony says:
but regardless.. this was a scary film i dont care what u say.. i can picture any scene and still lose sleep
tony says:
ending was terrifying
tony says:
the whole time i was laughing nervously at the audience to hide the fact that i was terrified
tony says:
there i said it
Alex says:
wot?! no, the ending ruined it even more for me! she got all supernatural and bit the camera? comon
tony says:
dont ruin it!
Alex says:
I did enjoy the audience's reaction, thats the best part of a scary movie
tony says:
how about the girl that kept telling everyone to shut up? and the theatre worker that calmed it down? that's classroom management at its finest
Alex says:
shoulda hauled them out and given their money back lol
tony says:
true!
tony says:
ok i'm gonna give this film a 9/10. it was stupid.. but i haven;'t been scared like this since the exorcist
Alex says:
if words were to express my reaction to this film and the affects it had on you it would be : guffaw
tony says:
hahahahahaa
Alex says:
5.5/10 for me
Alex says:
go watch Blair Witch


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: "Micah" stupidity and bravery go hand in hand
Tony's Pick: as dumb as he was. micah

Line of the Movie:
Al: " yeah?! go! go upstairs and hang out with your friend!"
Tony: " is that all you got?"

Where the Wild Things Are

Alex says:
GABAGOO
Alex says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn2paNtWv_A
tony says:
hahaha i still can't believe they casted gandolfini as a wild thing... but i'll get more into that after
Alex says:
Tony Soprano as Carol ruined the film for me
Alex says:
besides other things
Alex says:
Carol shoulda taken a bat to Bob and Terry
tony says:
this film had so much hype for me.. i've read the children's book.. granted i didnt care too much about it.. i found out one of my favourite authors, Dave Eggers was responsible for the screenplay!
tony says:
on top of that karen o was doing the soundtrack! I LOVE KAREN O
tony says:
and on top of that the killer trailer that featured a kickass version of wake up by arcade fire
tony says:
i was soooooo excited
Alex says:
I didn't care much for it, it had the same effect on me as Catcher's
tony says:
i was dissapointed as well
Alex says:
besides, it was a depressing film and subject matter
tony says:
it definitely was depressing
tony says:
all the parts with the bull made me want to shed man tears
Alex says:
"eh? Max, whered da gabagoo at?"
tony says:
the casting of gandolfini made absolutely no sense on so many levels
tony says:
i thought that you had to have a good voice to even do voice acting
tony says:
gandolfini's voice is almost as tolerable as a kid playing with styrofoam while scratching a chalkboard at the same time
tony says:
i kept thinking he was gonna 'whack' max
Alex says:
he was gonna go to work on KW and bob and terry, that woulda been my kinda film,
Alex says:
instead I get nightmarish emotions personfied into wild things
Alex says:
and the goat kept reminding me of lamia
tony says:
hahahahaha
tony says:
what did you think of max?
tony says:
the other wild things you speak of were pretty cool.. i mean i wish i had some insight on what they all represented.. but then again.. i am glad i don't
Alex says:
personally, I think Max did not need an LSD induced journey of self discovery and coming of age bullshit, he needed a good smack up side da head.
Alex says:
buy since the father figure is not there...then I guess thats why theres a movie
tony says:
see i agree! i mean from a teachers perspective.. i see these kids all the time.. granted his situation at home made it more sympathizing.. but at the same time.. this is the type of kid that would beat another kid with a ruler then cry afterward when you yell at him
tony says:
future criminal though, there i said it
Alex says:
eye for an eye! let the other kids beat him with a ruler
tony says:
the movie also didnt have enough catherine keener.. she never seems to be in a movie enough
Alex says:
needed more ruffalo
tony says:
had too much ruffalo
Alex says:
too much Max, and too much "eh?! Gabagoo wtf! bob and terry?!"
tony says:
for the record the soundtrack also sucked.. it should've been called the kids featuring karen o.. man i love karen o
Alex says:
I kept hearing arcade fire, and it did not deliver
Alex says:
for our readers: watch the trailer, its enough
tony says:
agreed
tony says:
out of sentimental aspects though i will give this film a 7/10
tony says:
visually it was great
Alex says:
6/10, the wild things costumes were well done
tony says:
GABAGOO


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: The Bull
Tony's Pick: alexander

Line of the Movie:
Al: " tell them nice things about us"
Tony: " woman! FEED ME!"

Surrogates

tony says:
i don't know about you guys but i feel like i've watched this film before like on 9 separate occasions
Ivan says:
I don't know what to say about this movie
Ivan says:
What do you say Al?
Alex says:
its taunt and shiny!
tony says:
al do you want to add your usual social insight?
Alex says:
I don't believe crime rate will go down in this surrogate future, infact it'll go up if there were no deaths, just a busted up robot
Alex says:
at least everyone looks like perfection, rubberized perfection
tony says:
bruce looked creepy man
Ivan says:
i was happy that Bruce's surrogate died early
Ivan says:
i was sick of looking at his phony face
tony says:
me too! seeing him with hair is just angering
tony says:
thanks as usual for your profound insights al
Ivan says:
If i wanted to see bruce willis with hair, i'd make watch moonlighting
Alex says:
that night club full of robots was just creepy
tony says:
this felt like a continuation of gamer
Ivan says:
How good could this graphic novel have been?
tony says:
i know!
tony says:
good point!
tony says:
ok i'm gonna make this review very easy for our readers.. go read our gamer review.. 5/10 that is all.
Ivan says:
just thinking about the idea of the movie makes me upset
Alex says:
its flawed, calling it! I thought this was gonna be good for a bout the first 15 min, then the reality of it settled in, its just a taunt and shiny movie
Ivan says:
did i need to sit for 1 hour and 30 minutes to find out that life is better to be lived as humans rather than humans who control robots?
Ivan says:
F NO
Alex says:
we have mannequins fighting for us
Ivan says:
I feel insulted by this movie
tony says:
what surrogate models would u guys pick?
Ivan says:
i would pick stephen hawking
Ivan says:
jk
Ivan says:
rowan atkinson
Ivan says:
ok ok
Ivan says:
jk
Ivan says:
I would pick...
Ivan says:
ready?
Ivan says:
...that guy from police academy that made all the noises and effects
tony says:
i don't think u can go wrong with any of the choices ivan
Alex says:
I told you, Christopher 'the continental' walken
tony says:
hahahahha.. i would pick an incomplete model, one where u can still see metal and a pseudo-human face
tony says:
thats the only thing i got from this film, "who would i pick if i could choose a surrogate model?" i spent half the movie thinking about it
tony says:
lets go buy the graphic novel
Alex says:
I don't want to relive it
Ivan says:
good review guys
Ivan says:
see ya!
Ivan says:
oh yeah
Ivan says:
5/10
Ivan says:
see ya
Alex says:
well done! this movie is shit!
Alex says:
4.5/10 rubberized faces
tony says:
would you rather have seen couple's retreat?
Ivan says:
no
Alex says:
no, but Jennifer's hawt freaking body might've been a .5 better
Alex says:
fawk couples retreat
tony says:
every mediocre movie currently out should thank couple's retreat.. thats my point
Alex says:
gonna go google some Megan Fox pics. brb
Ivan says:
and i like the part where bruce beat the crap out of the robots that his sluttly wife invited to get "high/shocked" at their place

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: shit I dunno, no one has a heart in this film, I pick that fat IT guy at the police station, he refused a robot
Tony's Pick: ving rhames
Ivan's Pick: heart is bruce

Line of the Movie:
Al: (In Italian): none
Tony: Ving Rhames
Ivan: "i gave the world this gift and now i will take it away" i dont even know if it was a quote but it sounds like something cheesy they would say in a phony movie like this cheesey

Whip It

Alex says:
After watching Whip It, I feel what can only be described as a forced leathal dose of estrogen injected into me. Is this what post-op wo/man feel like?
tony says:
i don't have too much to say about this film, it was exactly like waterboy
Alex says:
without the funny
Alex says:
or the sports
tony says:
roller derby IS a sport!
tony says:
in fact I have mentally blocked out all non-roller derby parts
Alex says:
there was a whole 20min of it in a 2hr film
tony says:
between michael cera clones in zombieland and oliver in this film, my brain needed to shut down something.. so all i remember is the derby scenes
Alex says:
well I'm envious of your superhuman command over your brain cells
tony says:
the brain does what it has to, to keep the body alive!
tony says:
i was happy to see the badass from deathproof though
Alex says:
Zoe Bell is kewl
Alex says:
I on the other hand have unwittenly absorbed all forms for gurrl power
Alex says:
its so empowering in fact I think it just might be boarding lesbian
tony says:
it was even really about girl power though.. if it was i can understand it.. but it was just nonsense
tony says:
ellen page is still a canadian hero to me
tony says:
only cause it makes u mad that i think so though
Alex says:
Ted is a canadian hero
tony says:
who?
Alex says:
Ted!
Alex says:
who?! wtf
tony says:
the ticket guy at amc?!
tony says:
he was rocking a whip it shirt!
Alex says:
I've come to understand that Ted is a working man, if his superiors ask him to wear a whip it shirt, he wears a freakin whip it shirt
tony says:
this review is retarded!
Alex says:
hes more of a canadian hero than EP
tony says:
fair enough: ted of courtney park AMC if you are reading this.. you are what i think a canadian hero should symbolize
tony says:
were u pleased to see andrew "the forgotten" wilson in a role?
Alex says:
yes, though he seemed to channel his brother's acting abilities a little too much
tony says:
owen's or lukes?
Alex says:
maybe both
tony says:
mostly owen
Alex says:
he was the hightlight of the film for me
tony says:
toughts on fallon's performance
Alex says:
fallon is a douche
tony says:
what?! jimmy fallon brings what he brings to every film!
tony says:
nothing!
Alex says:
he has the acting ability of a Scream mask
tony says:
are u kidding? have u seen those scream masks that acutally bleed?! they can convey way more emotions!
tony says:
oh i thought birdman was really cool
Alex says:
birdman is just a pedro clone
tony says:
ok i think this is officially our dumbest review to date
tony says:
we shouldnt do back to back reviews
tony says:
ted you rock!
Alex says:
I think I've let our audience in on what was needed, though now that I think about it, most of our readers are gurrrrlls
tony says:
we have no readers! ivan and dunja are our only readers!
tony says:
and ivans part of the site!
tony says:
oh i give this a 6/10.. i am still and always will be a sucker for sports films
Alex says:
6.5/10 from me, the film celebrates its tagline and basks in mediocrity, but a solid first effort from Barrymore
tony says:
drew was great in the film so is kristen wiig as always! again, im only talking about the derby scenes, there were no other scenes were there?

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Razer
Tony's Pick: ellen page's dad

Line of the Movie:
Al: " can you tell me about the squealer?"
Tony: " we're number 2! we're number 2!!"

Zombieland

Alex says:
If L4D became a pg13 rated game with superbad humour, it would be zombieland, while it might sound like a good thing, its not
tony says:
I don't have enough words in my vocabulary to describe how dissapointed and confused I was when watching this film
tony says:
this was supposed to be the film that was a no brainer to be good
tony says:
no brainer.. hahaha a little zombie humour for you there
Alex says:
but they want brainz
tony says:
touche
Alex says:
usually a zombie film, one would expect a horde of zombies running a marathon to get at fresh meat, I think I counted the most zombies on screen to be maybe 30
Alex says:
instead the budget was all spent on the opening credits and those lame ass survival rules interacting throughout the film
tony says:
yes that is all quite vexing, but at the same time, killing zombies while being on amusement park rides? that is epic
tony says:
finding out who the awesome cameo is.. is also.. awesome!
Alex says:
they threw me off with the wig
Alex says:
I didn't buy the stand off in a gated concession stand, zombies woulda torrred dat shit up
tony says:
yeah i mean that was dumb.. i'm talking about when they were on the rides
Alex says:
yes, that was fun, zombies would also enjoy adrenaline inducing rollercoaster rides
tony says:
al do teenage actors these days vex you?
Alex says:
some
Alex says:
actually most
Alex says:
unless the actor is hawt and trampy, they're gonna annoy me
tony says:
i am so sick of michael cera clones
tony says:
he had some of the most moronic lines ever caught on film in this movie
tony says:
rememebr when he says, "someones gonna get their hair tucked behind their ears!" WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
Alex says:
who would even want to be a michael cera clone?
tony says:
everyone now
Alex says:
I bet Emma Stone even called that guy out for being a Cera clone
tony says:
emma stone is equally as annoying
tony says:
shes a clone herself!
Alex says:
shes hawt, she gets a pass
tony says:
al come on man
Alex says:
nope, not going anywhere
tony says:
have some integrity!
Alex says:
I am, hawt girls = pass
tony says:
woody had more charm and awesomeness in his pinky nail than those two idiots combined, in this movie.. and i hate woody!
tony says:
al = fail
Alex says:
abagail is a pass too
Alex says:
shes going places
tony says:
abigail is talent
tony says:
cera and lohan spawns are not
tony says:
ok emma stone was not sooo bad in the rocker, if that WAS her..
tony says:
i dont even know anymore
tony says:
all i know is this
tony says:
judging this film as a zombie film: it was hellacious, in a bad way
judging this film as a comedy: it was asinine
tony says:
but judging this film as a juno/adventureland/superbad type film: it was ok
Alex says:
too many conditions
tony says:
i DID like it, or maybe i want to like it really bad.. but i just feel like there were so many parts that made me want to be eaten by zombies
Alex says:
I'd give this film a 6.5/10 zombie headshots
tony says:
i'll give it a 6.5/10 as well
Alex says:
now, if they'd make a l4d film already
tony says:
hasnt romero made 38 of those films already?
tony says:
there is nothing special in left 4 dead that hasnt been done
Alex says:
you disgust me
Alex says:
zombie sympathizer!
tony says:
well what more do u want?
tony says:
dawn of the dead remake of the remake of the remake?
Alex says:
I don't need innovation, I'm happy with more of the same

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Zombieland cameo
Tony's Pick: woody

Line of the Movie:
Al: " that place blows....my mind"
Tony: " look at this effin clown!"

Dead Snow

tony says:
to quote a lyric from the band the scorpions, "HERE I AM! ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE!!" that's what dead snow did to me
tony says:
i was blown away
Alex says:
dead snow combines the two greatest evils of our time together in one glorifying display of zombies and nazi explotation, ever seen on film
Alex says:
If you think about it, nazis are just zombies in a different era
Alex says:
and they don't really eat brains
tony says:
i agree with everything you just said there.. this was like a dream come true.. it had everything i want in a zombie film
tony says:
what epic kills!
Alex says:
dead snow is like any nazi film + descent + cabin fever + zombies all rolled into one
tony says:
can u even make a bad film if you combine zombies and nazis?
tony says:
is it even possible?
tony says:
when zombies are together with nazis on celluloid.. dont we all win?
Alex says:
well, if they sat around and discussed their feelings maybe...but I think I would still watch it
tony says:
i'd watch them talk about their feelings! that would've been even better!
tony says:
i dont want to spoil all the fun stuff thats in this movie for ppl.. but i want to so bad
Alex says:
its so good its our first spoiler free review?
tony says:
yes its THAT good
tony says:
i wont say anything
tony says:
i think the very mention of zombies and nazis should be enough for ppl to go watch
Alex says:
alright, my only complaints are certain characters were written out too soon
Alex says:
they would've added to hilarity and depth of zombie killing
Alex says:
its wolfenstein with zombie mods
tony says:
they had to off people.. there would've been way too many characters...
Alex says:
it'd be an epic battle tho!
tony says:
it WAS an epic battle!
tony says:
the phillip seymore hoffman clone would've added nothing to the bedlam
Alex says:
he gave gems! and zombie insight!
tony says:
wait wait
tony says:
we are spoiling!
Alex says:
ok, NAZI + ZOMBIES = MUST SEE
Alex says:
enough
tony says:
ok
tony says:
sigh... MOUNTED MACHINE GUN ON A SNOWMOBILE!
tony says:
ok now i'll stop
Alex says:
just one thing, outhouse scene is gross, and I'm turned off on norwegian girls
tony says:
ok done done
tony says:
9.5/10 for me.. i almost spontaneously combusted on several occasions out of awesomeness! i dunno how the heck zombieland will top this
Alex says:
8/10, it was good, but lacked some things for me
tony says:
like what?!
tony says:
this was my dream come true
tony says:
this was a finely woven tapestry of epicness
tony says:
this was a flash of pure inspiration.. and let me tip my hat to the genesis of this film
tony says:
this was a brovado film.. this was an absolute concerto film! this was a benini sculpture of a film!.. i love ray hudson!
Alex says:
it wasn't scary enough, and almost too much of a comedy for me
Alex says:
but I guess you really can't take nazi zombies seriously

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Vegard for being the most resourceful of the group
Tony's Pick: for the second time in as many reviews: the girl with the dreadlocks

Line of the Movie:
Al: " it appears we're being attacked by...germans from world war 2"
Tony: "oh i think that was too far.. they're pissed!"

Gamer

tony says:
this movie sucked so bad. but we were so limited by what to watch this week. i don't even know where to begin
Alex says:
the back to school special, where all of hollywoods crap comes out during the months of september
tony says:
yep
Alex says:
It wasn't all bad, Gamer: a social commentary on the dystopian future that we're all destined to head for if our current generation are continually raised games such as L4D, Counter Strike, Call of Duty, and lets not forget Second Life. I FUCKING LOVE THOSE GAMES
Alex says:
cept second life, cuz that really is what Society is like, furries, fat doods and online cross dressers
tony says:
you and your social commentaries
tony says:
the only social commentary here.. is how the general public will watch any movie that studios put out
tony says:
i've seen this movie... it was called death race... and i'll probably see this movie again.. when its called surrogates
Alex says:
surrogates looks creepy, with their taunt and shiny faces
Alex says:
I'd play society tho! I thought Dexter did a good job being a douche
tony says:
but the thing is.. if u want to make a movie based on an idea from a movie before, you really should try to improve on it or at least make it the same.. they devolved so far from death race, FROM DEATH RACE, it was like The dark Knight to batman forever
dexter did do a good job i agree.. and so did LUDA
Alex says:
LUDA is like the poor man's andre 3000
tony says:
yeah but he was good in this film
Alex says:
oh, but Blanka! now he needs more roles
tony says:
once again agreed. he should be in every film, just to make the film have an asian! the action sequences.. what did u think?
Alex says:
too jittery with the camera, too many cuts, they could've exploited the first person cam instead
tony says:
i felt like i was watching a video game where the disc was scratched and could freeze at any minute.. maybe that was what they were going for.. but i've played video games that had this effect and it made me want to headbutt my tv.. first person cam is a definite no no! you remember doom?!
Alex says:
DOOM was awesome
Alex says:
and pissing into a car's fuel tank to run it on alcohol? c'omon? comon...
tony says:
i want to see that on mythbusters!
Alex says:
I don't think mythbusters would do this one, its beneath them
tony says:
i think we have to explain what he did more so our readers can see the full stupidity of the concept.. what this moron did was he drank at least 750 ml of vodka.. got to a car while ppl and helicopters were shooting at him.. vomitted in this cars fuel tank.. pissed in it.. and it started said vehicle. thats all u really need to know about the whole film really
Alex says:
I did not know cars run on vodka
Alex says:
I would've made my own batch of fuel/alcohol with potatoes in my own backyard and never have to pay for gas/liquor again
tony says:
well said!
tony says:
2.5 out of ten for me.. i cant freakin wait for zombieland! i cant take this much longer
Alex says:
I'd give it a 4.5/10, it did try to take on the whole gaming in the future thing, and it would've gone somewhere if it wasn't just retarded. Oh, lets not forget the teabagging move in the beginning.
tony says:
that part was golden.. ok i change it to 3/10

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: I'd guess it'll go to Kable for surviving that long and still keep his sanity
Tony's Pick: the girl with the dreadlocks

Line of the Movie:
Al: "look at this knife, and think about it going through your chest"
Tony: " he teabagged him!"

Inglourious Basterds

tony says:
I WANT MY SCALPS!
Ivan says:
The german will be sickened by us, the german will talk about us, and the german will fear us!
Alex says:
NHATZI killing bidness!
tony says:
but seriously.. forget this movie.. i want to watch nation's pride... not for what it stands for.. but like picture nation's pride with clive owen as the soldier and instead of him fighting allied soldiers he fights killer sharks with ak-47s!!
tony says:
thats my dream!
Ivan says:
Truly a fantastic dream Tony!
tony says:
great film eh?
Alex says:
its an entire film of him in a birdnest killing 400+ guys
Alex says:
I saw that film, its called Day of Defeat: Source
tony says:
hahahah nice al!
Ivan says:
It's like playing Halo versus a bunch of one armed, fingerless mutants
Ivan says:
You can't lose!
tony says:
but it was directed by eli roth!
Ivan says:
Eli roth is sick!
Ivan says:
and i loved Cabin Fever!
Ivan says:
I didn't care for hostel, however
Alex says:
I should go watch Hostel
tony says:
yes eli roth scares the crap outta me... i think hes sick and disturbing.. but if he wanted to.. he could direct the film of my dreams without the torture crap...
Ivan says:
Go watch cabin fever. It stars Ryder Strong
Ivan says:
But I digress. Brad Pitt was fantastic in his role as Lt. Aldo Raine
Alex says:
Pitt is the man
tony says:
oh he was.. and i dont really like him ever... BUT i love love love.. seeing neil from freaks and geeks! he hasnt aged a day!
Alex says:
he barely had a role
Alex says:
but I've to give my favourite to Hans Landa, now he's the man
tony says:
hans landa is starscream personified
Ivan says:
Do people wonder why we hate AL?
tony says:
al u truly are a cretin
Alex says:
but you love starscream
Ivan says:
I do! Let me ask you something Al
Ivan says:
Can you turn into a jet?
Alex says:
I surely can
Alex says:
like a bawwwss
Alex says:
I wanted to see more basterds action, but I guess its not that kinda film
tony says:
oh before i forget.. and screw u guys for disagreeing.. but shoshanna looks like sarah polley!.. i was captivated.. then destroyed
Alex says:
yeah, maybe, the comparisons are striking, I mean; shes female, white, blonde hair, has eyes
Alex says:
you're seeing things
tony says:
put the picture next to each other.. im gonna post it
tony says:
you'll see
Alex says:
next you're gonna tell me Ellen Page looks like zooey
Alex says:
I'm disgusted
tony says:
that's too far
tony says:
back to the film u miscreant
Ivan says:
Anyway. While I do disagree with you that he was "the man", the Standartenfuhrer was a force to be reckoned with. He was like CSI (circa 1940s). You could not piss on the guy and tell him it was raining.
tony says:
he was awesome at that i agree... but he wayne brady choked a biatch.. not cool
Alex says:
CSI: 3rd reich
Alex says:
now to find the german equivalent of a Who song
tony says:
du hast?
Ivan says:
Again, this movie has the elements needed to make a movie awesome. A real douchebag of a bad guy who just keeps on coming at you. You just wanted someone to punch him in the mouth
tony says:
agreed!
Alex says:
but the man stole the movie, he was pure gold! after that, its the dialogue
tony says:
it was way too long.. and it's immediately overrated 'cause its a tarantino.. not as good as his other films
Alex says:
I liked how it was broken up into chapters like kill bill was
tony says:
i didnt like that
tony says:
it was like tarantino saying.. "hey guys dont forget.. i made this film!"
Alex says:
wot?! this is his masterpiece!
Ivan says:
He did consider this his baby
tony says:
you're here under oath.. saying this is the best tarantino film?
Alex says:
I'd say this is 3rd or 2nd
Ivan says:
I guess I am sick of Tarantino's face.
Alex says:
he has a leno face
Alex says:
or chin
Ivan says:
yeah, you just want to throw projectile pigs at it!
Alex says:
and he looks like such a douche
tony says:
oh he does
Ivan says:
I would like to see photos of him as a child. He must have been grotesque!
tony says:
ok i basically think the film was great.. entertaining but long... had a lot of cool characters... eli scares the crap out of me... and thats about it.. 8/10
Ivan says:
The film was lengthy but I enjoyed it! However, it was also a late show and we must take that into account. I give it 8 stars
Alex says:
8/10 for me
Alex says:
anyone notice the increased level of douche in attendance? and the Brahs?
Alex says:
myself included
Ivan says:
Agreed, and agreed!
tony says:
agreed and agreed
tony says:
over 9000
Ivan says:
My doucheometer broke.
Alex says:
hey brah? wanna see that tarantino film brah?!
bro?! for sure bro!
right on bro-seph!
tony says:
what's bro-seph?
tony says:
i dont walk in those circles
Ivan says:
I wish they had that techonology where you could stick your hand through the monitor and punch Al on the other side. I would use it this instance
tony says:
a vortex of some sort?
tony says:
more and more our reviews have just turned into al bashing.. and that is glorious to me
Ivan says:
Yes, a vioent, fist vortex
Alex says:
go back to your myspace you basterds
Alex says:
see wot I did thurr
Alex says:
does it anger you?
tony says:
explain!
Alex says:
oh allow me!
Alex says:
notice the misspelling of bastards with an e replacing the a....
tony says:
oh stfu
tony says:
i thought it was gonna be something profound
Alex says:
you know, all this hating on Al on RSR? but everyone comes for my views! mine!
tony says:
al does have sympathizers
tony says:
that is true
Ivan says:
In the future, all Al sympathizer comments will be removed
tony says:
i support that
tony says:
in the far future al will be removed
Alex says:
I review under an oppresive regime, both you socialist pigs will be scalped
tony says:
just kidding i love u man
Ivan says:
I also love Alphonse!
Alex says:
SCALPED!

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: *note* al's heart award has been removed by administrator
Tony's Pick: SHOSANNA
Ivan's Pick: shosanna and her friend at the movie theater. He may have had more heart than her

Line of the Movie:
Al: (In Italian): Landa: "Again! I want to hear the music in it!"
Tony: " BON-JOURNO!"
Ivan: "That's a bingo!" "You just say 'bingo' (you nazi basterd)"... i added the bracketed part myself


tony says:
removing the heart
Ivan says:
your heart award is being removed
Alex says:
YOU GUYS ARE NHATZIS


SHOSANNA AND SARAH POLLEY








YOU GUYS ARE LEGALLY BLIND!