The Road

tony says:
IT'S A LONG LONG ROAD!!! FROM WHICH THERE IS NOOOOO RETURN! HE AINT HEAVY HE'S MY BROTHER!!! great book... mediocre movie.. great viggo
Alex says:
THE ROAD GOES EVER ON AND ON! DOWN FROM THE DOOR WHERE IT BEGAN!never read the book, short stories? meh... but viggo is the shit... if anyone can survive the road, its him
tony says:
al do u think viggo asks the director as often as possible if he could do a scene bare-assed?
Alex says:
yes, infact in every film I think he asks that. Peter Jackson said no though, cuz the hobbits...you know
tony says:
"uh i was just thinking that maybe this scene would be more powerful if i was in bare ass.."
and you know what.. it usually is more powerful. viggo is the man
Alex says:
"I know we're suppose to be in sub-zero temps. but maybe if i swam out to that oil tanker...say...buck nekkid...it'll be more realistic?"
tony says:
what is your social commentary on the road.. i cant wait to hear this. and why do you hate the kid? i thought he was the heart and soul of the film, well of the book anyway
Alex says:
I don't like the current social portrayal of pre-tween boys in films from The Road to Wild Tings
tony says:
explain
Alex says:
the kid is the reason there is a movie, and thats not a good reason
tony says:
no the movie is about how love conquers all. oh man.. i've changed! who am i?!
Alex says:
I don't know you! you want to see New Moon
tony says:
only so i can do a review on it!
Alex says:
anyways back to the douche bag kid, they're too much of useless crybabies and wusses.
they never get anything done, pulls everyone around them down and just cries and cries
tony says:
he's trying to survive ARMAGGEDDEN! and he's just a boy! i've seen you watch deep impact.. and you went into the fetal position.. this boy is LIVING it!
Alex says:
if the kid grew up post apocalyptic, I don't believe he would be this compasionate
tony says:
viggo raised him to be! HE CARRIES THE FIRE!
Alex says:
he snuffed out the fire with his endless sniffeling
tony says:
he is humanity in a world without feelings! omg who am i?
Alex says:
2012 had more feelings
tony says:
i'll 2012 your face!
Alex says:
I don't know if old Tony is back or this is some unholy union of new & old Tony
tony says:
a hybrid? i think i hate myself and love myself! did you like the many cameos in this film? our favourite scumbag is back!
Alex says:
the cameo was awesome, he needs more scumbag roles, or at least break out into something new, like a romcom
tony says:
robert duval is the man, ok i think this is how a apolcalyptic movie is supposed to be done.. albeit it was kinda long and boring sometimes.. 7.5/10 for me
Alex says:
the dirtiets hobo evar! 7/10, not too interesting and no action, but the bleakness portrayed in the scenery was well done
tony says:
and the kid was awesome
Alex says:
Bleakness should have credits
tony says:
bleaker or less bleak than 2012?
Alex says:
the kid needed to be backhanded back inside Charlize! bleaker! this is like 2012 aftermath, if ppl still lived on North America
tony says:
charlize was the most useless character in the film.. has she EVER done a good film?


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick:Vigoo "The Man" Mortensen
Tony's Pick: the kid

Line of the Movie:
Al: "yur boy suuure looks ungry!"
Tony: "yes i do. YES I DO!"

The Men Who Stare at Goats

tony says:
ok our long long delayed review for goats.. i must admit i dont remember much about the film... what do you have to say al?
Alex says:
They needed jedi knights to fight the commies!This film was Meta! it transcends its own celluloid trappings to touch films like Oceans and Star Wars trilogy Mind Blown!
tony says:
meta or no meta the ending was terrible.. and i thought jeff bridges might be even a shadow of himself when he was The Dude, but it wasnt so! funny parts were all in the trailer and i dont like ewan.. never have
Alex says:
Ewan is the man! hes a frickin Jedi Knight! he can run through walls
tony says:
not enough goats? too much goats? or just enough goats?
Alex says:
not enough! needed much much more goats on scene
tony says:
hahah there were a lot though but i agree! ok so it wasnt a terrible film.. it had it's moments... had some goats.. had some men to stare at these goats... but overall it wasnt as good as i suspected! not very memorable, 'cause i cant think of anything to say
Alex says:
it was funny enough, but you're right, it could have been much better, the audience seemed to enjoy it enough but I don't trust the AMC16 audience
tony says:
i dont even remember but i have the same mistrust
Alex says:
the winston churchill crowd is a step above
tony says:
6.5/10 for me.. it was different.. and it was funny at times.
Alex says:
6/10 for me, 5 goats and 1 LSD laced scrambled egg, the ending ruined it
tony says:
oh i forgot about the druggings! spacey is a douche
Alex says:
he is a douche!
Alex says:
I dun like that spacey guy!

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Ewan's character, which I don't even remember the name
Tony's Pick: jeff bridges

Line of the Movie:
Al: "I live on her red earth and eat her green crust"
Tony: "right now what the world needs, is jedis"

2012

tony says:
ok guys
Ivan says:
F U AL
Ivan says:
wtf have you been!?
Alex says:
F U too!
Ivan says:
been too long!
Alex says:
where've you been?!
Ivan says:
yeah, i said it
Alex says:
sheeeeet
tony says:
ok ok enough with the small talk. i thought that maybe we could last the whole year with having street fighter be the worst film i saw.. but i was wrong
Ivan says:
i've been around!
Ivan says:
1 more month until DEXTERTHON
tony says:
indeed!
tony says:
john cusack is immortal
Ivan says:
Oh snap! I'm still waiting to watch Legend of Chun-Li
Ivan says:
John Cusack the Immortal
Alex says:
dexter thon is the sheeeet
Ivan says:
he got his title a while ago
Ivan says:
John Cusak the Undying
tony says:
john cusack the god
tony says:
this movie is retarded
Alex says:
Cusack saves humanity
Ivan says:
All by his lonesome!
tony says:
would you want to live in that world?
Alex says:
the new bible will be based on cusack, in the 2012 world
tony says:
more films like this, and i'm gonna start wishing the mayans are right
Ivan says:
Did you pre-order yours on Amazon? You receive a coaster if you do!
Ivan says:
I like how his kids hate him, then they love him, and his wife also hates him, but then she also loves him.
Alex says:
cuz he saves lives
tony says:
i like how he cant die
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
Ivan says:
And he hates his wife's boyfriend, but then he grows to love him before he is eaten by the gears
Alex says:
kids and wife should've died in a firery fireball
tony says:
i hate how the true hero, sasha, dies a villains death
tony says:
f that
Ivan says:
yeah!
Alex says:
sasha is a douche
Ivan says:
wtf, he was my favorite guy
tony says:
i hate how i watched this film
tony says:
i hate all of humanity
Ivan says:
me too!
Ivan says:
but the popcorn was good. ask Dunja
tony says:
oh u guys ate stuff?
Alex says:
I like how I liked this film and I got to watch Tony squirm with hate for the movie...thats 2 joys...2
tony says:
u didnt vomit at the intergalactic stupidness of the film?
tony says:
f u al
Alex says:
2!!
tony says:
seriously i wanted to be in those volcanoes
Alex says:
(' ' )v thats me holding up a v for 2 joys
Alex says:
2!!!
Ivan says:
I like how Danny Glover made the ultimate sacrifice. I also like how we think we're so important that the world will end, and we will make boats so that we survive!
Alex says:
those weren't boats, they were battelstars
tony says:
danny glover survives
tony says:
i dont care
Ivan says:
I agree, if anyone should have been a hero, it was him
Alex says:
they crash through and can pulverise mountains
Alex says:
if you stayed after the credits, they were going to blast off into space
tony says:
THE WORLD IS ENDING! WE ARE ALL ON A EFFIN ARK/BATTLESTAR!!! WHAT IM GONNA DO IS ASK YOU OUT ON A DATE!
tony says:
DAMN! SLIT MY THROAT NOW
Ivan says:
Did you know John Cusak can drive on any terrain or earth shattering earthquake?
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
Alex says:
he has tactical driving tree mastered
Ivan says:
I hope John Cusack is eaten by a hungry gypsy
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK CREATED GYPSIES!
tony says:
AND WHAT JOHN CUSACK CREATES, JOHN CUSACK CAN DESTROY!
Ivan says:
Hey guys, do you like how everyone falls in love with John Cusack in this movie?
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK IS LOVE!
Alex says:
I think his son is secretly plotting Cusack's demise after he left Gordon to the grind
Alex says:
but Cusack already knew this
Ivan says:
John Cusack is the essence of life
tony says:
HE KNOWS ALL!
tony says:
OMG I HATE THIS FILM
tony says:
HATE
tony says:
HATE
tony says:
HATE
Alex says:
I think its moving up to 3 joys
Ivan says:
I loathe it! With every protein and proteoglycan in my body!
tony says:
i'm chinese.. im gonna build an ark
Ivan says:
ROFL
tony says:
and you guys can't come
Ivan says:
but then you will let us in at the last minute
tony says:
yes because this is not how we start humanity
Ivan says:
Humanity sucks!
Ivan says:
so does Derakin
Alex says:
I'll build my own freaking ark
tony says:
i'm not racist.. but man i think i'm starting to HATE the mayans
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK!
Alex says:
leave the mayans alone
tony says:
they didnt leave me alone!
Ivan says:
I think the mayans have been completely misinterpreted
Alex says:
all they did was make a calendar
tony says:
they are indirectly to blame for this horror of a film
Ivan says:
so is Noah
tony says:
HAHAHAHAHA
Ivan says:
i'll give you 2 of my fists in your face!
Ivan says:
put that on your boat
tony says:
ok whatever i gave chun li movie.. i give this peice of shit .5 less
tony says:
done
tony says:
lets never speak of this again
tony says:
JOHN CUSACK
Alex says:
6/10!
tony says:
SHUT UP MAN
Ivan says:
F U AL
Alex says:
bring it!
Alex says:
movie is awesome!
tony says:
YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO DEXTER THON
Ivan says:
2/10
Alex says:
gonna start my own cusack thon
Ivan says:
popcorn was good

The Chelios Award
Al's Pick: the dog, cuz he fn made it!
Tony's Pick: woody
Ivan: woody

Line of the Movie:
Al: "its beautiful!"
Tony: i refuse to acknowledge a line that was good in a film that had no good lines
Ivan: "F U cusack" i'm sure someone said it