Duplicity

tony says:
DUPLICITY!!
Aloe says:
ARE YOU GAMING MEH!!!!
tony says:
this was a real fun movie!.. if you threw out all the love parts
tony says:
especailly at the end
Aloe says:
I felt like I watched a rom com
Aloe says:
with a dood
Aloe says:
it was ghey
Aloe says:
I showered after
tony says:
the con parts were awesome tho no? and for once it was accessible enough for me to understand!
Aloe says:
thats what makes it un-awesome...the con was not 'con' like enough
Aloe says:
it was too simple
tony says:
oh please! you didnt know where it was going.. you couldnt predict anything
Aloe says:
I predicted that sheeet 30mins from the end
tony says:
that is true tho you did make some good calls
Aloe says:
it was forshadowed by the throw down wilkinson gave giamatti
tony says:
ok so would you at least admit that the beginning part was awesome.. and that giamatti plays the best CEO jerk characters?
Aloe says:
they were both CEO douches
Aloe says:
I want wilkison's table, its wpic
Aloe says:
its a giant slab of marble
tony says:
oh that table is freakin physics defying
tony says:
i loved that in every flashback clive owen would get rocked by julia and he'd look so geniunely hurt.. it was played majestically by a majestic actor.. bravo!
Aloe says:
Clive is the man
Aloe says:
still
Aloe says:
but I think he got owned by julia all througout the film
tony says:
he certainly did!.. the pizza side-plot was surprisingly funny and i think had some of the best lines in the movie: "hawaiin frozen pizza! no ones ever done that before!" genius!
Aloe says:
I want to be gamed by julia
tony says:
hahaha
tony says:
all in all i was surprised how much i liked this film... and if it wasnt for the love story line.. i'd give it an 8.. but because of it i am forced to give it a 6.5-7/10.
Aloe says:
the movie was juvenile while it could have been a great 'GAHMEHING MEH' movie. 6.8/10
tony says:
hey i like the juvenile aspect!! remember heist?,, i couldnt understand a damn thing!
Aloe says:
the gold bars were not painted rod iron black
tony says:
YOU'RE GAMING ME!

The Watchmen

BONUS REVIEW: Railing Seat's own, Ivan and his girlfriend watched this film in Croatia, and we're ecstatic to bring you their review.

Ivan says:
Hello
d. says:
hi
Ivan says:
How are you?
d. says:
im fine thank you
Ivan says:
(this is gonna be in the review as well)
d. says:
and u?
Ivan says:
I am doing well..
Ivan says:
ooh, bladder...brb!
d. says:
(i hope my msn doesnt frak up sth)
d. says:
btw.its really slow for some reason
d. says:
and btw. Ivan, first thing i do every morning is pee,not turn the computer on
Ivan says:
I'm back! haha I woke up a while ago!
Ivan says:
Back to review. I hope people aren't bothered by all this pee talk
Ivan says:
I never actually said "pee", I just said "bladder"
Ivan says:
You're taking this too far
d. says:
oh man
Ivan says:
ok, the movie
Ivan says:
Ready?
Ivan says:
do we need a countdown?
d. says:
yes, am i waiting for ur directions
Ivan says:
5
Ivan says:
4
Ivan says:
3
Ivan says:
2
Ivan says:
1
Ivan says:
GO!
d. says:
-1
Ivan says:
Did you like the movie?
d. says:
yes
d. says:
did u?
Ivan says:
I loved the movie, thank you for asking.
Ivan says:
The popcorn was really salty
d. says:
i really liked my fanta
Ivan says:
I'm glad we bought the Mars bar, i was really getting hungry
Ivan says:
Yeah, the fanta was nice.
Ivan says:
What did you like best about Watchmen?
d. says:
that is a tough question my dear
Ivan says:
ok, let
Ivan says:
me ask you something else
Ivan says:
what did you think of Jon?
d. says:
wow,my internet really works when it has to
d. says:
anyway, where was i?!
Ivan says:
you were telling me how much you loved Jon
d. says:
yes, indeed, i liked all of them
d. says:
except for the 'betmen guy''
Ivan says:
so you hated Jon? just admit it to the rest of the world
Ivan says:
Like I thought that girl had a huge-ass head
d. says:
no she doesnt
d. says:
wait, what girl?!
Ivan says:
omg she does! it was almost 80 feet across!
Ivan says:
the girl, the hero
d. says:
silk spectre II???
Ivan says:
oh wait, crap
Ivan says:
jon is manhattan right?
d. says:
yes
Ivan says:
shucks, what's the birdman's name?
d. says:
dan
Ivan says:
haha yeah!
d. says:
I THOUGH U READ IT BEFORE
Ivan says:
Dan, ooops. I take that back, she hates Dan, not Jon.
Ivan says:
Turn off your caps lock please
d. says:
oops, caps
Ivan says:
Internet tough guy!
d. says:
yes, and i didnt like that sex scene, just cuz i think hes repulsive
d. says:
but shes very hot
d. says:
and she has nice tits !!
Ivan says:
the malin girl, she had the megalocephaly
d. says:
macrocephaly
d. says:
but she didnt
Ivan says:
I'm glad they didn't use the real Halleluja by Buckley. He'd be rolling in his grave
Ivan says:
did you just say tits?
Ivan says:
what did I tell you about that?
d. says:
im sorry!
d. says:
NOT
d. says:
i wish i was irradiated physicist so i can breathe on mars
d. says:
hmm, did i spell that right?!
Ivan says:
You did, excellent. I wish i could blow people up with my mind
d. says:
oh i LOVED all the blood scenes!!!
d. says:
with rorschach and everything
Ivan says:
You really liked the limb breakage scenes
Ivan says:
yeah! rorschach was the man!
Ivan says:
And he was a ginger kid, too!
Ivan says:
He's more badass than most people can dream of
d. says:
indeed
Ivan says:
Any final words for our faithful readers?
d. says:
wait, were done?! i just got started
Ivan says:
oh awesome!
Ivan says:
keep it going then
Ivan says:
this is the director's cut extended review. please stop reading if you've had enough
d. says:
actually, i think thats enough from me this time
Ivan says:
Well said
Ivan says:
What would you rate the Watchmen from 1-10?
d. says:
umm, 8
d. says:
u?
Ivan says:
I sense hesitation in your voice.
I give this movie a 9 because i thought it was frakking awesome.
d. says:
i wanna thank u, Ivan Gospic, my dear boyfriend for giving me this opportunity to say few words on this awesome site! it was my pleasure
Ivan says:
That wraps up our first review. I think we did well! Thank you for accepting the offer and chatting with me. You rule!

The Last House on the Left

Aloe says:
Its was....crass
tony says:
that is an excellent way to describe it actually
tony says:
difficult to watch.. and it really was just a hyper bloody extreme 2 hour episode of law and order special victums unit
Aloe says:
considering that I want to reach scumbag status before I die, I think the movie is already scumbag to a new level
tony says:
agreed.. i will say this though... the two victums had heart!!! and the one girl swam like aquaman.. and i think the only way she survived was 'cause she has regenerating powers in the water
Aloe says:
I liked the people that walked out, I applaud that...reminds me of those guys that walked out of that owen wilson movie
tony says:
the one for political reasons?
tony says:
behind enemy lines?
Aloe says:
thats the one
tony says:
anything good about the film?
Aloe says:
I liked the parents role, no thinking about shit, just straight out, you mess with me and my own, you're going down
tony says:
i like the fact that it ended with no possibility of a sequel... so we wont be seeing "first house on the right" anytime soon
Aloe says:
oh, and that guy has got a bad rep...he needs new roles before he gets type casted as a lowlife murdering scumbag
Aloe says:
I don't like that the theatre room was on the last one on the left
tony says:
oh yeah that was dumb! the ticket guy was so smug about telling us that too.. and its too late for that actor.. he played as TWO scumbags in deadwood.. TWO
tony says:
i hated that i saw this movie twice.. the trailer is basically the movie
Aloe says:
they need a deadwood film, that's scumbaggery I want to see, AL KAK-sucka Swearengen on the big screen
Aloe says:
that too, this is a remake that didn't need to be remade
tony says:
out of 10? im giving this one a 4
Aloe says:
4 as well
tony says:
i like swimming

Race to Witch Mountain

BONUS REVIEW
For March Break I took my little cousin Brandon to go see this modern day classic Disney Film. Here's what he had to say about it as we ate lunch at Johnny Rockets:

tony says:
did you like the film?
brandon says:
yes
tony says:
why?
brandon says:
when the man (the rock aka dwayne johnson aka the most electrifying man in sports entertainment) fought that evil guy it was good
tony says:
who was your favourite character?
brandon says:
the boy with the powers
tony says:
how come?
brandon says:
he has so much powers he can go through things
tony says:
anything else you like?
brandon says:
I like it when the boy stepped in front of the car and sort of destroyed it.. oh when the girl used that power to move that rock to that evil guy
tony says:
what would you give it out of 10?
brandon says:
8

Pontypool

tony says:
ok first thing i have to say about this movie is:
SYDNEY BRIAR IS ALIVE!
SYDNEY BRIAR IS ALIVE!
SYDNEY BRIAR IS ALIVE!
thoughts on the film?
tony says:
or maybe we should do a brief synopsis
Aloe says:
great psychological thriller in the tradition of Blair Witch, and a zombie film with a "oh, what a twist!"
Aloe says:
fine, synops
Aloe says:
cuz apparently some of our readers (1) needs it in his review
tony says:
well basically its a twist on the zombie genre... that happens to take place in a small ONTARIO town.. how cool is that?
tony says:
with shout outs to kawartha lakes and peterborough
Aloe says:
Pontypool: the story of a local radio personality's take on a zombie outbreak in a small town.
Aloe says:
there..thats my synopsis
Aloe says:
I don't like shoutouts to any p.boro related towns
Aloe says:
I think p.boro could use a flamethorwer
tony says:
it is awesome though
Aloe says:
its a good canadian film
Aloe says:
and even funnier to have the national anthem in french during the film
Aloe says:
and they smash the speaker....implying something?
tony says:
i liked it a lot as well, definitely one of the most interesting zombie films i've ever... funny too.. like the other canadian zombie gem Fido
tony says:
oh it definitely had a lot of political commentaries i just wasnt clever enough to figure it all out
tony says:
i think if i was smarter i'd like this film a whole lot more
Aloe says:
maybe they're trying to say english is the zombie killing the francophones....ahhhhhh
Aloe says:
its a freakin zombie film, as great as it is, my ideal zombie film involves a lot of exploding heads
tony says:
i agree... but at the same time it did manage to make things very suspenseful and tense without resorting to bush league tactics.. that's impressive
Aloe says:
EAT CHOUR BRAINZ, GAIN YOUR KNOWLEDGEZ
tony says:
i'll give it a 7/10 for being totally unique.. i had a great time and a lot of laughs even though it was a bit confusing
Aloe says:
7.8/10, not quite a 8, but better than a 7, good film, even for the zombie haters
tony says:
final thoughts?
Aloe says:
I got nuthin
tony says:
i got something
tony says:
the anna farris look-a-like in the film doing the tea kettle impression was the best scene
tony says:
and
SYDNEY BRIAR IS ALIVE!
Aloe says:
prah prah prah prah

The Watchmen

Aloe says:
Its a visual, interpretative, masterpiece
Aloe says:
I'm using the word masterpiece.
tony says:
i think the opening credits might very well be my favourite part.. great song to accompany it.. and really a smart way to introduce the movie to people who either have or havent read the comic
Aloe says:
Agreed, it really sets the movie and sums up a lot of content for viewers who have read the graphic novel.
tony says:
yeah i really don't have anything bad to say... except some of the sex scenes seemed to be placed at awkward parts
tony says:
rorschach was an absolute badass eh?
Aloe says:
Silk Spectre II is my new supergoddess, I can't say anything about acting, but she looked the part. Rors was well done, probably the best of the cast
Aloe says:
He might rival Taken's Liam Neeson's badassness award
tony says:
hmmmm i'd like to see them fight...
tony says:
i loved that it stuck almost 100% to the graphic novel... and visually it was amazing.. this is a definite 9 out of ten for me
Aloe says:
Same, 9/10. I also understand some viewers dissatisfaction with the film...I think to truly appriciate it, everyone should read the graphic novel and take the movie as side. For viewers that knows nothing about the story, they might be caught off guard with the lack of 'super'heroes in the film and the flow of the plotlines.
tony says:
i agree the trailers are deceptive
tony says:
thoughts on the soundtrack?
Aloe says:
totally fitting in my mind, All along the watchtower rocks, and it relates back to the novel's closing panels.
tony says:
hallelujah was the only song i had a problem with... totally stupid to put it in that scene...
Aloe says:
a few things I don't like about the film was the prominent display of Blue man junk...just a little to0 much, I know he walks around naked a lot, but its unintentionally funny when its on the IMAX screen.
Aloe says:
I think thats the song going through Nite Owl's mind...in which case, yes fitting...
tony says:
hmmm i guess that might not be a bad point
tony says:
night owl was my fave in the comics i think they made him too nerdy in the film
Aloe says:
you like Veidt...and you wanted to see into his [Boys] folder
tony says:
hey you're the one that noticed that folder!
Aloe says:
ascii art maybe, it is the 80s
tony says:
if the nixon in the watchmen was the nixon thats in frost/nixon would u watch that film?
Aloe says:
yes!
Aloe says:
I thought I was watching Sin City looking at that nose
Aloe says:
What did you think of the revised ending?
tony says:
didnt like it
tony says:
took away from the affect it was suppose to have no?
Aloe says:
yeah, and if that was the direction they took, I wish they would have gone with making a more 'film' like change overall, or stuck with the source material all the way though.
Aloe says:
I want a director's cut version DVD to be 4hours
tony says:
and i want the pirate side thing in the dvd too!
Aloe says:
more silk spectre!

IMAX: The IMAX Experience

This is the review for the retro laser/sound show they play before an IMAX film.

Aloe says:
ok,
Aloe says:
IMAX EXPERIENCE
tony says:
the imax experience is really the reason why i see movies in imax in the first place
Aloe says:
it has lost its luster on me, the old school lazer light show and outdated vocalization for sound tests really creep me out now
Aloe says:
that pin that looks like a match stick, and those mickey mouse hands that points out the speakers....creepy
tony says:
are you suggesting they redo it?
Aloe says:
I am suggesting they redo it, or update it, like the AMC ticket commercials, update it
tony says:
i dont think they can! that introduction hasnt changed since the early 80s.. u cant mess with a classic... remember the war amps commercial with astar? where he puts his arm back on?.. they redid that.. and it was a vomit inducing.. and that guys voice is not creepy its almost as good as the trailer voices
Aloe says:
I was talking about that music that was playing....the guys voice is fine. I like and understand what they're trying to do, first time viewing would be mind blowing!
tony says:
ok well i'm giving it an 8 out of 10.. one of the true classics!
Aloe says:
8/10 too for first time viewers, 6/10 for second time.
tony says:
this was my 4th time viewing it and i still give it an 8!

Bangkok Dangerous

Aloe says:
BHAAANG KOK DADADADANGEROUS!
tony says:
with the one and only nic cage! AKA the coif!
Aloe says:
I noticed his hair made it at the end of the credits
tony says:
oh for sure... if nic cage ever got nominated for an oscar again.. his coif would be the lead... he'd only be supporting
Aloe says:
given that the film is a remake of an asian film, it makes sense that the pace of the film is slightly off, giving more than apt screen time for the coif to be noticed
tony says:
i must admit i couldnt concentrate fully on this film... i am still feeling the after effects of street fighter... so for the most part, since the film does take place in bangkok all i kept thinking about is sagat doing tiger uppercuts and tiger knees.. and how cool it would look
Aloe says:
"oooooahhhhh oooooo ahhhhhh" "YOU LOSE!"
Aloe says:
there was that Adon scene
tony says:
very true! but other than that and the coif.. i couldnt really see much of anything in the film
Aloe says:
I saw nudity...though I'm still not convinced those are actual women....its Bangkok after all. ITS A TRAP!
tony says:
thats just wrong!
Aloe says:
but the sad truth
tony says:
i'll give this one a 5 out of 10
Aloe says:
Same, 5/10. Although if they digitally replaced Nic with just a floating, walking, killing, talking coif, it might change my rating to 6/10
tony says:
in tribute to the coif, akon and the movie title we've actually came up with a song for this film
tony says:
and it goes something like this...
tony says:
nick i can notice but to, notice your coif, noticing me, from across the screen i can see it and can't stop myself from looking and noticing it, noticing me
tony says:
al take it away
Aloe says:
Watch out I've seen his films before!
DAT COIF IS SO DANGEROUS!
DAT COIF IS SO DANGEROUS!
Nic cage is a bhad mon, I've seen his films before!!!!
tony says:
BANGKOK DANGEROOOOUS

KRISTEN KREUK COUNTER

5-DAYS WITHOUT COMPLETELY RUINING A CHARACTER

Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li

tony says:
ok before we start the review of this simply devine and majestic film... we'd like to give a special thanks and props to shellie aka shells for promoting the site and even going as far as saying that it was her favourite movie review site... on the other hand we would like to apologize to those who actually believed her. that being said..
tony says:
al although i have no idea where to even begin with this film.. will you allow me the honours to start?
Aloe says:
it would be better to get the 'good' stuff outta way
tony says:
ok well let me just start off by saying.. at first i was pissed off that they would give a character so crappy in the video game that they later had to give her a fireball, her own movie... but i must say i am glad that they didnt put Ryu or ken in this heaping pile of turd...
Aloe says:
Chunli is still a Street Fighter Icon, she doesn't suck.
as for the movie, Moon Bloodgood is a goddess and Bison had a few (2) good scenes
tony says:
for me the only good thing about this movie was that it made me want to play street fighter again and kick the ever loving snot out of chun li, gen, and anyone else unfortunate enough to be in here... the film also made my life flash before my eyes.. this may be due to the fact that i was looking for any way to kill myself in a theatre
tony says:
ok now the bad.. and lets just put aside the fact that they couldnt find a chinese actress to play chun-li... and lets put aside the historical gaming inaccuracies, like making chun-li from hong kong..
tony says:
where do we begin?
Aloe says:
hurling yourself over the ramp wall would've knocked you pretty good
tony says:
only if it gave me a concussion and/or amnesia so i could forget all that i saw...
Aloe says:
this scarring is deep, theres no going away, the movie is made by kids for retards.
I feel dumber having witnessed such a movie. Uwe Boll deserves oscars for script, directing, and film of severl years after watching this.
tony says:
i agree.. i mean kristen kreuk has gone too far.. it wasnt enough for her to ruin lana lang? now shes got to ruin a video game legend... i'd like to say this reminded me of a bad television episode of something.. but tv is never this bad... i say we implement a kristen kreuk counter.. for every character she ruins.. or every day that goes by without her ruining a character.. what say you?
tony says:
i mean i've seriously seen better acting in infomercials
Aloe says:
I'm at a loss for words for how terrible this film is. Dialogue is absolutely atrocious, nothing makes sense, lets just throw fireballs around and not question it, I mean, we're street fighters. The ability to summon fireballs is natural in all of us. Lets throw a few.
tony says:
i would've seriously rather watch 3 hours of any pinhead playing any of the street fighter video games then watch this... i mean we could go on and on... but lets give something out of ten... personally i dont think it is possible to give a zero so im giving this film 0.5 /10
Aloe says:
woah woah woah
Aloe says:
I'm not done
tony says:
hahahah go ahead
Aloe says:
I lost my burning wreckage of a thought for what I wanted to say now
Aloe says:
but this film is just absolutely terrible, and in our long history of watching shit films, this one takes top top honours. Its so shit, I don't wish this on anyone.
tony says:
i agree.. i mean we've suffered through date movie, epic movie, and even little man.. and this is the worst film i have ever seen in the theatre.. if not ever. ashdashdjkasd.. thats how mad i am! HULK SMASH
Aloe says:
it makes me question my continued patronage of AMC and Hollywood in general. For a film that makes Uwe look good, we sound pretty intellectual
tony says:
so out of ten?
Aloe says:
0.5 is a little harsh? I would give it 2-3
tony says:
you cant be serious... after all that you said how can you give it a 3?!?!? i feel like i want to kick you
Aloe says:
spinning bird kick me?
tony says:
dont remind me of that kicking scene.. i wish i can describe it.. but i need to mentally block that out.. or else i will really lose it
Aloe says:
I believe there are worse out there
Aloe says:
we will never see it, but a 0 is just a failure of a film, this comes close....but for effort, and the two redeeming qualities of the film. 2.5-3
Aloe says:
***Effective Immediately: While 2009 continues and after watching this feces of a film, all other reviews by RSR gets an automatic +2 to their star rating.
tony says:
i agree that's more like it! bottom line i never thought i would ever in my entire life say that any sequel of the street fighter franchise would be worse than the original.. but that's what im saying..
tony says:
i would like to point out.. that al lost the oscar pool so he had to pay for this movie for both of us.. which means he essentially paid to see this twice.. if i were you man.. i'd seriously consider hypnosis so i could forget all of that...
Aloe says:
frak the oscars
Aloe says:
maison de petit bullshit cost me


KRISTEN KREUK COUNTER

1-DAY(S) WITHOUT COMPLETELY RUINING A CHARACTER