Surrogates

tony says:
i don't know about you guys but i feel like i've watched this film before like on 9 separate occasions
Ivan says:
I don't know what to say about this movie
Ivan says:
What do you say Al?
Alex says:
its taunt and shiny!
tony says:
al do you want to add your usual social insight?
Alex says:
I don't believe crime rate will go down in this surrogate future, infact it'll go up if there were no deaths, just a busted up robot
Alex says:
at least everyone looks like perfection, rubberized perfection
tony says:
bruce looked creepy man
Ivan says:
i was happy that Bruce's surrogate died early
Ivan says:
i was sick of looking at his phony face
tony says:
me too! seeing him with hair is just angering
tony says:
thanks as usual for your profound insights al
Ivan says:
If i wanted to see bruce willis with hair, i'd make watch moonlighting
Alex says:
that night club full of robots was just creepy
tony says:
this felt like a continuation of gamer
Ivan says:
How good could this graphic novel have been?
tony says:
i know!
tony says:
good point!
tony says:
ok i'm gonna make this review very easy for our readers.. go read our gamer review.. 5/10 that is all.
Ivan says:
just thinking about the idea of the movie makes me upset
Alex says:
its flawed, calling it! I thought this was gonna be good for a bout the first 15 min, then the reality of it settled in, its just a taunt and shiny movie
Ivan says:
did i need to sit for 1 hour and 30 minutes to find out that life is better to be lived as humans rather than humans who control robots?
Ivan says:
F NO
Alex says:
we have mannequins fighting for us
Ivan says:
I feel insulted by this movie
tony says:
what surrogate models would u guys pick?
Ivan says:
i would pick stephen hawking
Ivan says:
jk
Ivan says:
rowan atkinson
Ivan says:
ok ok
Ivan says:
jk
Ivan says:
I would pick...
Ivan says:
ready?
Ivan says:
...that guy from police academy that made all the noises and effects
tony says:
i don't think u can go wrong with any of the choices ivan
Alex says:
I told you, Christopher 'the continental' walken
tony says:
hahahahha.. i would pick an incomplete model, one where u can still see metal and a pseudo-human face
tony says:
thats the only thing i got from this film, "who would i pick if i could choose a surrogate model?" i spent half the movie thinking about it
tony says:
lets go buy the graphic novel
Alex says:
I don't want to relive it
Ivan says:
good review guys
Ivan says:
see ya!
Ivan says:
oh yeah
Ivan says:
5/10
Ivan says:
see ya
Alex says:
well done! this movie is shit!
Alex says:
4.5/10 rubberized faces
tony says:
would you rather have seen couple's retreat?
Ivan says:
no
Alex says:
no, but Jennifer's hawt freaking body might've been a .5 better
Alex says:
fawk couples retreat
tony says:
every mediocre movie currently out should thank couple's retreat.. thats my point
Alex says:
gonna go google some Megan Fox pics. brb
Ivan says:
and i like the part where bruce beat the crap out of the robots that his sluttly wife invited to get "high/shocked" at their place

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: shit I dunno, no one has a heart in this film, I pick that fat IT guy at the police station, he refused a robot
Tony's Pick: ving rhames
Ivan's Pick: heart is bruce

Line of the Movie:
Al: (In Italian): none
Tony: Ving Rhames
Ivan: "i gave the world this gift and now i will take it away" i dont even know if it was a quote but it sounds like something cheesy they would say in a phony movie like this cheesey

Whip It

Alex says:
After watching Whip It, I feel what can only be described as a forced leathal dose of estrogen injected into me. Is this what post-op wo/man feel like?
tony says:
i don't have too much to say about this film, it was exactly like waterboy
Alex says:
without the funny
Alex says:
or the sports
tony says:
roller derby IS a sport!
tony says:
in fact I have mentally blocked out all non-roller derby parts
Alex says:
there was a whole 20min of it in a 2hr film
tony says:
between michael cera clones in zombieland and oliver in this film, my brain needed to shut down something.. so all i remember is the derby scenes
Alex says:
well I'm envious of your superhuman command over your brain cells
tony says:
the brain does what it has to, to keep the body alive!
tony says:
i was happy to see the badass from deathproof though
Alex says:
Zoe Bell is kewl
Alex says:
I on the other hand have unwittenly absorbed all forms for gurrl power
Alex says:
its so empowering in fact I think it just might be boarding lesbian
tony says:
it was even really about girl power though.. if it was i can understand it.. but it was just nonsense
tony says:
ellen page is still a canadian hero to me
tony says:
only cause it makes u mad that i think so though
Alex says:
Ted is a canadian hero
tony says:
who?
Alex says:
Ted!
Alex says:
who?! wtf
tony says:
the ticket guy at amc?!
tony says:
he was rocking a whip it shirt!
Alex says:
I've come to understand that Ted is a working man, if his superiors ask him to wear a whip it shirt, he wears a freakin whip it shirt
tony says:
this review is retarded!
Alex says:
hes more of a canadian hero than EP
tony says:
fair enough: ted of courtney park AMC if you are reading this.. you are what i think a canadian hero should symbolize
tony says:
were u pleased to see andrew "the forgotten" wilson in a role?
Alex says:
yes, though he seemed to channel his brother's acting abilities a little too much
tony says:
owen's or lukes?
Alex says:
maybe both
tony says:
mostly owen
Alex says:
he was the hightlight of the film for me
tony says:
toughts on fallon's performance
Alex says:
fallon is a douche
tony says:
what?! jimmy fallon brings what he brings to every film!
tony says:
nothing!
Alex says:
he has the acting ability of a Scream mask
tony says:
are u kidding? have u seen those scream masks that acutally bleed?! they can convey way more emotions!
tony says:
oh i thought birdman was really cool
Alex says:
birdman is just a pedro clone
tony says:
ok i think this is officially our dumbest review to date
tony says:
we shouldnt do back to back reviews
tony says:
ted you rock!
Alex says:
I think I've let our audience in on what was needed, though now that I think about it, most of our readers are gurrrrlls
tony says:
we have no readers! ivan and dunja are our only readers!
tony says:
and ivans part of the site!
tony says:
oh i give this a 6/10.. i am still and always will be a sucker for sports films
Alex says:
6.5/10 from me, the film celebrates its tagline and basks in mediocrity, but a solid first effort from Barrymore
tony says:
drew was great in the film so is kristen wiig as always! again, im only talking about the derby scenes, there were no other scenes were there?

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Razer
Tony's Pick: ellen page's dad

Line of the Movie:
Al: " can you tell me about the squealer?"
Tony: " we're number 2! we're number 2!!"

Zombieland

Alex says:
If L4D became a pg13 rated game with superbad humour, it would be zombieland, while it might sound like a good thing, its not
tony says:
I don't have enough words in my vocabulary to describe how dissapointed and confused I was when watching this film
tony says:
this was supposed to be the film that was a no brainer to be good
tony says:
no brainer.. hahaha a little zombie humour for you there
Alex says:
but they want brainz
tony says:
touche
Alex says:
usually a zombie film, one would expect a horde of zombies running a marathon to get at fresh meat, I think I counted the most zombies on screen to be maybe 30
Alex says:
instead the budget was all spent on the opening credits and those lame ass survival rules interacting throughout the film
tony says:
yes that is all quite vexing, but at the same time, killing zombies while being on amusement park rides? that is epic
tony says:
finding out who the awesome cameo is.. is also.. awesome!
Alex says:
they threw me off with the wig
Alex says:
I didn't buy the stand off in a gated concession stand, zombies woulda torrred dat shit up
tony says:
yeah i mean that was dumb.. i'm talking about when they were on the rides
Alex says:
yes, that was fun, zombies would also enjoy adrenaline inducing rollercoaster rides
tony says:
al do teenage actors these days vex you?
Alex says:
some
Alex says:
actually most
Alex says:
unless the actor is hawt and trampy, they're gonna annoy me
tony says:
i am so sick of michael cera clones
tony says:
he had some of the most moronic lines ever caught on film in this movie
tony says:
rememebr when he says, "someones gonna get their hair tucked behind their ears!" WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
Alex says:
who would even want to be a michael cera clone?
tony says:
everyone now
Alex says:
I bet Emma Stone even called that guy out for being a Cera clone
tony says:
emma stone is equally as annoying
tony says:
shes a clone herself!
Alex says:
shes hawt, she gets a pass
tony says:
al come on man
Alex says:
nope, not going anywhere
tony says:
have some integrity!
Alex says:
I am, hawt girls = pass
tony says:
woody had more charm and awesomeness in his pinky nail than those two idiots combined, in this movie.. and i hate woody!
tony says:
al = fail
Alex says:
abagail is a pass too
Alex says:
shes going places
tony says:
abigail is talent
tony says:
cera and lohan spawns are not
tony says:
ok emma stone was not sooo bad in the rocker, if that WAS her..
tony says:
i dont even know anymore
tony says:
all i know is this
tony says:
judging this film as a zombie film: it was hellacious, in a bad way
judging this film as a comedy: it was asinine
tony says:
but judging this film as a juno/adventureland/superbad type film: it was ok
Alex says:
too many conditions
tony says:
i DID like it, or maybe i want to like it really bad.. but i just feel like there were so many parts that made me want to be eaten by zombies
Alex says:
I'd give this film a 6.5/10 zombie headshots
tony says:
i'll give it a 6.5/10 as well
Alex says:
now, if they'd make a l4d film already
tony says:
hasnt romero made 38 of those films already?
tony says:
there is nothing special in left 4 dead that hasnt been done
Alex says:
you disgust me
Alex says:
zombie sympathizer!
tony says:
well what more do u want?
tony says:
dawn of the dead remake of the remake of the remake?
Alex says:
I don't need innovation, I'm happy with more of the same

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Zombieland cameo
Tony's Pick: woody

Line of the Movie:
Al: " that place blows....my mind"
Tony: " look at this effin clown!"