The Expendables

tony says:
ok expendables
Alex says:
or old action stars from the 80s reunion
Alex says:
so after Ivan mentioned Sly's running, all I saw in my mind was his hobbeling on the dock scene last night
Ivan says:
If right now was 1989, we'd all be in critical care at sick kids hospital
tony says:
HAHAHAHAHHA
Ivan says:
Think about how badly this movie would have made your brain explode as a 9 year old
tony says:
i was feeling a bit of head trauma regardless
Ivan says:
I used to think Rambo was a real hero.
Alex says:
their presence alone, together on screen would have caused cars and buildings to explode, snipers getting headshotted and women being rescued and one liners to scroll across the screen
tony says:
and i still cant hear as well as i could before going into the film
Ivan says:
what? i can't hear you
Ivan says:
Really though. That was louder than any concert I've ever attended
tony says:
it was like shock and awe
Ivan says:
What they couldn't explode in my brain, they did to my eardrums
Alex says:
I think theres a crater on that island now
tony says:
what island?!
tony says:
that island is no more man
Ivan says:
No man is an island
Alex says:
it sank?
tony says:
if you have five guys like that on an island blowing it up
tony says:
you just have water
Alex says:
theres a hole and water filled up
tony says:
what was more confusing to you guys... trying to read shakespeare for the first time.. or the plot of this movie?
Alex says:
actually trying to understand Rourke's soliloquy was way harder, and comprehending why that was written into the film
tony says:
HAHAH AGREED!
tony says:
wtf did that come from?!?!
Ivan says:
Theoretically, this movie had more potential than any movie ever made. Forget those pansies from the Ocean's series, this was ginormous!
Ivan says:
Quick, name an 80s action flick
tony says:
delta force
Alex says:
Commando
Ivan says:
yup
Ivan says:
one thing was missing
Ivan says:
Chuck
Ivan says:
but, someone from expendables was probably in delta force
Alex says:
then they needed seagal and JCVD
tony says:
they had STONE COLD
tony says:
STONE COLD
Ivan says:
STONE COLD
tony says:
STONE COLD
Ivan says:
STONE COLD
Ivan says:
STONE COLD
Ivan says:
STONE COLD
Ivan says:
ok ok, no more
Ivan says:
i swear
Ivan says:
until later, at least
tony says:
i agree with you both tho
tony says:
in theory this should of worked
tony says:
but....
tony says:
i never knew what their mission was.. i didnt know what the point of the girl was.. angel from dexters character was more confusing than the most epic biblical characters.. and guys from sly's crew kept dissappearing then reappearing
tony says:
and i didnt know randy coulture had wolverines healing powers.. cause the dude clearly got capped
Ivan says:
Yeah, he even fell "dramatically" to the floor as if he would never get up again
Ivan says:
i was ready to shed a tear
Alex says:
Randy blocked bullets with his ears
Alex says:
he even explained it
Alex says:
I think the ratio of each action star to explosion from their individual film works by themselves, but when they are all mixed in together its like 8 action stars to their combined explosion : death : more explosion, into one film, it doesn't leave room for much else
Ivan says:
hence the noise. touche al
tony says:
there were a lot of cool hand to hand moves too
tony says:
ken's axe kick from street fighter
tony says:
and a whole bunch of various heart punches
Ivan says:
omg yeah! Flying heart punches, courtesy of Randy "the natural" Couture
tony says:
made me want to be heart punched
Ivan says:
Tony
Ivan says:
I'll heart punch you tomorrow
Ivan says:
k?
tony says:
k!
Ivan says:
Jason Statham's fight sequences were probably my favorite
Ivan says:
he was sick!
tony says:
but his side story made me sick
Alex says:
he deflated balls
Ivan says:
lol yeah, the side story was a really cheap tactic
Ivan says:
they have to throw it into any action movie it seems like
Ivan says:
female love interest.... check
lover's quarrel....check
visit her again for some inexplicable reason....check
she got her ass beat by the guy she left you for..... check
go find the dude and beat his ass.......check
beat up 12 of his friends as well......check
love restored!
tony says:
hang on guys
tony says:
somethings coming over me
tony says:
...
tony says:
...
tony says:
STONE COLD
tony says:
STONE COLD
tony says:
STONE COLD
Alex says:
so I heard they had to find Drago from the streets for the filming of this movie,
tony says:
drago has aged terribly
tony says:
but i still think stallone looks the worst
Alex says:
would you say there were scenes where they had a wax mannequin to stand in for stallone?
tony says:
HAHAHAHa yes
tony says:
stallone is starting to look like a woman
tony says:
and ivan
tony says:
love restored?
tony says:
they left that in the air.. maybe we can get a rom com spin off of the movie
Ivan says:
oooh!!
Ivan says:
nice call!
Ivan says:
i'd watch
tony says:
and omg... we didnt even mention that statham smiled 3 times!
Alex says:
well, that is a universal truth that I live by, go beat up their current bf, and then they will fall in love with you, maybe even proposals on the spot
tony says:
hahaha 'i'll marry you'
Ivan says:
ROFL
Ivan says:
I didn't mean to side track. Let's get back to our "aged heroes". i think it's a really interesting theme
Ivan says:
Stallone does look disgusting. Repulsive even
tony says:
but stathom! smiling
tony says:
has it ever happened?
Ivan says:
yes! three times it happened, tony. But it was all during the expendables
tony says:
HAHAHA
Alex says:
stallone can smile
Alex says:
still
tony says:
all this
tony says:
and we havent even mentioned jet li
tony says:
or bruce willis and ahnold
Ivan says:
omg!
Ivan says:
he can won!
Ivan says:
trust me, that guy can won
tony says:
he would've win!
Ivan says:
Jet Li really got jobbed this flick
tony says:
guys
tony says:
what was the power rating of the room when bruce willis, ahnold, and stallone was in the church?
Ivan says:
over 9000 without breaking a sweat
Alex says:
it can't be measured
Ivan says:
just imagine
Ivan says:
and really, use all the imaginative powers of your mind
Ivan says:
if Arnold and Stallone did the "dutch and carl weathers arm wrestling" handshake
Ivan says:
how would you have reacted?
tony says:
i'd be dead
tony says:
plain and simple
tony says:
ded
Ivan says:
i would have gone BAT-s**** crazy!
tony says:
and if i didnt die. i'd want to be dead
tony says:
if at any point nic cage walked in.. i'd be dead too
Ivan says:
I'd kill you if you didn't die
tony says:
by way of heart punch
Ivan says:
flying
tony says:
in fact
tony says:
just heart punch me
tony says:
i want to go
Ivan says:
I'm gonna text you a heart punch. brb!
tony says:
HAHAHHA
tony says:
OUCH!
Alex says:
dillon should've replaced the shotgun guy
Ivan says:
that would have been more fitting
Ivan says:
agreed
tony says:
OH THE SHOTGUN!
Ivan says:
let me make sure dillon's not dead
Ivan says:
that could be the reason
Alex says:
the shotgun got credits too
tony says:
HAHAHAHHAA
Alex says:
did you see?
tony says:
did it?!
Alex says:
lol no
tony says:
it should've
tony says:
it would've in scott pilgrim
Ivan says:
he's still alive, but he hasn't done an action flick in about 20 years which leads me to believe he's dying. really slowly
Ivan says:
the shot gun made the earth move
tony says:
dhillon will never die!
Ivan says:
not in my heart!
Alex says:
he shot buildings apart with it
tony says:
all this being said
tony says:
i still have to give the film only a 6/10
tony says:
i just cant give it any higher.. even tho my heart was punched and i almost died
Alex says:
over 9k/10
Alex says:
wait
Alex says:
the movie is rated as many charges were planted
Ivan says:
every time he shot someone with that gun, 14 pounds of flesh exploded from the body
Ivan says:
5.5 for me
tony says:
maybe the shotgun was a symbolism for dhillon?
Ivan says:
i think so!
Ivan says:
Dhillon was the shotgun
Ivan says:
nice pickup tony!
Ivan says:
brilliant
tony says:
maybe we also need a part 2 review of this film?
Ivan says:
agreed!
Ivan says:
we didn't cover 90% of the movie!
tony says:
and maybe we also need expendable tatoos?
Alex says:
I already got mine
Alex says:
Rourke did it, in like 1 min
Alex says:
while telling me a story
Ivan says:
omg, we didn't even talk about Mickey
Ivan says:
jeez, part 2 will be EPIC
tony says:
i want stallone to shoot me with a gun knife
Ivan says:
me too!
tony says:
i just mean that we need to do a part two review for the film.. not a review for the sequel
Ivan says:
that's what i meant!
tony says:
YAY
tony says:
al you in?
Ivan says:
If you can't make it Al, i'll cover for you and do your parts as well
Alex says:
I would like to review the explosions
Ivan says:
damn, a 3-parter!
Ivan says:
HUGE
tony says:
wait
tony says:
wait
tony says:
maybe we do a review
tony says:
on each individual guy!
tony says:
tahts like 9 reviews!
Ivan says:
there are so many layers to this movie, it sickens me
tony says:
ivan wanna change our rating?
tony says:
im thinking 10/10 now
Ivan says:
Guys, i think it's bigger than all of us
tony says:
it is!
Ivan says:
yeah, im thinking at least 9
Ivan says:
wtf were we thinking?
tony says:
changed
tony says:
10/10
Alex says:
kabooooom/10
tony says:
hHAHAHA
Ivan says:
F it
Ivan says:
9.5
Ivan says:
mark it dude
tony says:
marked!
tony says:
look for our in depth review on each individual of the film!
tony says:
boys
tony says:
it was a pleasure
Ivan says:
same here
Ivan says:
i feel like I've grown as a human being
Ivan says:
just from sharing my feelings about this epic piece of cinema


The Chelios Award
Al's Pick: the pyrotechnics hired for this film
Tony's Pick: stallone
Ivan: Stallone for making the film

Line of the Movie:
Al: "pew pew, pow! kabooooom fwooohmp! baaaaang! snikt!"
Tony: "she paints? thats how it starts!!!"
Ivan: "next time I deflate all your balls"

Ivan says:
snikt?? i didn't see wolverine!