Faster

Alex says:
What did you learn from this film?
tony says:
that the rock is not just as fast as any killer in the world.. but hes FASTER
Alex says:
way Faster
tony says:
im so glad he did this movie... its been like 5 years since hes killed anyone on film
Alex says:
The ROCK WAS RIPPPPPPEDDD!!!!
Alex says:
I was scurrrred
tony says:
he was ANGRY
tony says:
and FAST
Alex says:
I dunno about you
Alex says:
but if I saw him on the street coming after me, I'd just lie down and give up
tony says:
oh me too
tony says:
the man ran out of prison
tony says:
RAN like 50 miles
Alex says:
he jogged to his car, some unkown distance away
tony says:
ok ok but still
tony says:
epic
tony says:
what did you think about moonbloodgood?
Alex says:
she got fat, but still awesome
Alex says:
cuz she hawt
Alex says:
but you know who else was smoking in this film besides the Rock?!
Alex says:
MAGGIE GRACE
Alex says:
yeah I said eeeetttt
tony says:
oh no you didnt
tony says:
maggie grace is the scum of the earth
Alex says:
she was hawt, I think that scene alone was worth rewatching
Alex says:
you disgust me
tony says:
only you would mention that out of all the badass scenes the rock was in
tony says:
did you even really realize how fast he was?
Alex says:
I didn't, he was too fast
tony says:
plus carla cugino is hotter anyway
Alex says:
oh puuuleeeze
tony says:
the rocks car and use of handgun was worth it alone to watch and were way hotter too
Alex says:
that car was epic
Alex says:
but I think they made that magnum seem more powerful than it really is
Alex says:
I want the Rock's tatoos
Alex says:
and his GUUUNNNZ
tony says:
those tats instill fear
Alex says:
hes a dead man
Alex says:
I felt like I was watching Kill Bill 1/2 way through the film though
tony says:
it did have the kill bill feel
tony says:
except none of his opponents were any good
Alex says:
they didn't stand a chance anyways
tony says:
i'm just glad hes back.. so i dunno how to really judge this film.. cause i might have just really liked it because hes back
Alex says:
it was a good solid action flick
tony says:
but why'd he have to take gary?
tony says:
and why does he threaten everyone at gunpoint first? even his mom
Alex says:
Gary doesn't want to be cooped up at home
tony says:
and why was debra from dexter in this movie? oh i know that one! because she does the best crying scene in modern film
Alex says:
they put a call out for a crying scene, and when Debra responded, all other applicants dropped out
tony says:
do you think watching a debra cry scene should be shown in all drama classes? as manditory video?
Alex says:
there are entire courses around her Crying Demo reel
tony says:
would it be a first year course or an advanced course?
Alex says:
there is a 101 course, then advanced crying, and Oscar grab courses
tony says:
hahahaha
tony says:
someone should do a debra crying montage on youtube
tony says:
anyway thanks rock for doing real movies again, and thanks for being so angry, and thanks especially for being so fast!
Alex says:
I think they should reshoot and replace the Rock in Nic Cage's upcoming film, Drive Angry
Alex says:
maybe he has more Disney films waiting
tony says:
no his contract is expired
tony says:
have both of them in the film!
Alex says:
Nic Cage and the Rock on film? too epic
tony says:
way too epic!
Alex says:
the screen would just evapourate
tony says:
too angry
tony says:
way way way too fast
Alex says:
they'd have to construct some titanium sheet metal as the screen and tickets will cost $50
tony says:
i'd pay!
tony says:
you know you would too
tony says:
7.5/10 for me.. thanks rock !
Alex says:
7/10 standard action, but a good action film, better than his early career stuff
Alex says:
ps Billy Bob is still a douche


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: the Rock
Tony's Pick: the rock candidate for heart of the year

Line of the Movie:
Al: " I masterd Yoga! I've gone beyond Yoga!"
Tony: "is he as fast as you?" "no, he's faster"

The Next Three Days

tony says:
if you're like me and you hate russell crowe and you thought the coolness of liam neeson can get you through this movie.. you're gonna be absolutely furious here..
tony says:
al what was the difference in the time liam was on screen in the trailer compared to the time he was in this film?
Alex says:
none
tony says:
in fact the trailer that we saw before this "unknown" had more liam neeson in it than this film
tony says:
and didnt elizabeth banks look like charlize theron from monster in here? maybe its the orange jumpsuits.
Alex says:
no way, Charlize was naaasty in Monster
Alex says:
you can learn that you can learn a lot watching things on youtube from this film though
tony says:
thats true
tony says:
a lot of criminal things
tony says:
i just didnt care about any of the characters
tony says:
the act of saving her was selfish, she didnt gain any sympathy from the audience, so we didnt care about saving her..
Alex says:
wooot?! quiet english prof and husband of wrongfully accused, takes the law in his own hands and learns everything he needs to so that he can bust his wife out of prison?!
Alex says:
no you're right, what am I saying
Alex says:
Banks looked horrid when she was in jail
Alex says:
after I ripped off those drug dealers and made off with that amount of cash, I woulda hooked up with Olivia Wilde and left
tony says:
MONSTER
tony says:
what was with the weird olivia wilde sideplot?
tony says:
was that an attempt at comic relief?
Alex says:
its not weird, shes HAWT
tony says:
her forehead is massive
Alex says:
you take that back
tony says:
it's giada-esque
Alex says:
shes not whats her name from American Beauty
tony says:
oooh ironhead
tony says:
you're right you're right
Alex says:
I AMMM IRON HEAD
Alex says:
I woulda left the kid too
Alex says:
got on the freeway and said, forget that kid and booked it
tony says:
that would've been more entertaining but like i said.. you dont really care about any of the characters.. you know the boy will still have solid grandparents if his idiot parents got/and they shoudlve got caught
tony says:
so to put it quite frankly.. you just dont care what happens.. its impossible to stay engaged
Alex says:
and were they trying to say something about canadian airports!?
tony says:
i think they were
tony says:
i didnt like that either
tony says:
stupid film
Alex says:
I think this is the perfect television movie in a few years
tony says:
agreed
tony says:
excellent made for tv movie
tony says:
was like watching two jobber wrestlers compete for the wwe belt.. supposed to be exciting but you just dont care
tony says:
proud of liam for not staying too long on this project actually
tony says:
5.5/10 for me..seems like im always getting tricked
Alex says:
he needs to make Taken 2: Took
tony says:
no no more maggie grace!
Alex says:
5/10 also, it had a nice buildup when things started going


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: the deaf passport dealer, cuz he was a nice guy and sought Crowe out to help him
Tony's Pick: the detective

Line of the Movie:
Al: " AAmmmm DAAFFF UUU AAASSSHHHOO"
Tony: "can you kill a guard? "


tony says:
why must you always make fun of the deaf?? you're heartless!
Alex says:
its the accent
Alex says:
its not really making fun of them
Alex says:
just facinated
tony says:
i'll see you in hell!

Due Date

tony says
do you get the feeling that every movie with robert downey jr in it is saved only because robert downey jr is in it?
Alex says
this movie is awesome, but if RDJ was not in it, this movie would've been really depresssing
tony says
it still was depressing! zack galafinakas wasnt funny in here
Alex says
I think thats his brand of humour
tony says:
this movie was like funny people in that it was advertised a lot to seem more funny than it was... its one thing to make a comedy that isnt funny but this movie felt like a depressing drama... im tired of being tricked
Alex says:
yeah, funny people was not funny
Alex says:
did we review that pos?
tony says:
yeah we did
Alex says:
I don't like this trend of comedies
tony says:
and this movie in a lot of ways felt like that
tony says:
i mean dont get me wrong there were a lot of pretty funny scenes...
Alex says:
maybe we should watch dramas and consider them to be comedy
Alex says:
or low budget action flicks, cuz legend of chun li is still funny
tony says:
thats true
tony says:
like i said there were SOME funny scenes, like RDJ punching that kid, and the mexica\from the makers of hangovern border patrol scenes, but a movie labelled
tony says:
from the makers of hangover.. should be all laughs
tony says:
none of this depressing business with zack's dad
Alex says:
actually that kid punching scene I forgot
Alex says:
that was funny
Alex says:
misbehaving kids should be treated as such
tony says:
it was the best scene
Alex says:
I condone beating your kids when they're outta line
tony says:
that kid was a menace
Alex says:
you should try that tmr
Alex says:
he reminded me of a younger Ryan L
tony says:
oh hes sooo a ryan l
tony says:
good connection
Alex says:
cuz he's not hitting you, the dinosaur is
tony says:
i didnt understand why jamie foxx was in this movie too
tony says:
he was creepy
Alex says:
I think RDJ and Foxx are best friends after the Soloist
tony says:
just gives me reason to hate the soloist more
Alex says:
they chill together...
Alex says:
I think he tried to get Foxx for the role of War Machine
tony says:
i hope not
Alex says:
anyways back onto this horrid film they branded as a comedy
Alex says:
I got nothing
Alex says:
the first 30 mins of the film was good...then it got weird and depressing
tony says:
yeah thats pretty much how i felt about it too
tony says:
the dog was funny.. you think he could really do his ""special" talent?
Alex says:
dogs jerk off all the time!
tony says:
im pretty sure ive never seen a dog do it like that!!
tony says:
dont like the coffee can ash tribute for the big lebowski either
tony says:
dont destroy a classic scene
tony says:
wtf does this have to do with vietnam?
tony says:
well i'll give this movie a 6/10 always love downey jr! so i cant give it too low
Alex says:
5/10 for me, not recommendable to anyone, even RDJ fans
tony says:
thats a little harsh no?
Alex says:
and Zach is done, calling it
tony says:
hes the hottest thing right now!
Alex says:
done!
tony says:
wait maybe he's done! and my boy ben foster can finally arrive!
Alex says:
we'll see after the Mechanic
tony says:
lock up your doors!
tony says:
bar up your windows!


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: : RDJ
Tony's Pick: RDJ

Line of the Movie:
Al: "Zach: I think I deserve an apology.... "
"RDJ: An apolo...?! FUUUUCK YOU!
Tony: "you say anything i'll hit you again. we cool?"

Jackass 3D

tony says
i mean it's really hard to review a movie like jackass! i will say that i thought most of the stunts were less funny than the previous movies and the 3D really did nothing to make the film better
Alex says
I think I'm too old to enjoy Jackass now,
tony says
that's what i was just about to say..
Alex says
and I think its a sad state of affairs
tony says
but i get the sense that they might be getting too old to do some of the more dangerous stunts
so it felt like a regression
Alex says
its just all shit and dick stunts and I think Steve-o really has some sort of mental disorder
tony says
i just think the only way you can make these movies better is to go more extreme.. but there's no where else to go although the portapotty bungee was disgusting
Alex says
it seemed like watching a bunch of old tired guys trying to relive their youths...
tony says
exactly
Alex says
maybe that last scene describes the whole movie for me
tony says
where things were blowing up?
Alex says
the portappotty
Alex says
just throw everyone's shit at the camera and make a movie out of it
tony says
hahaha yeah
Alex says
and what with peeing on people? how is that a stunt? or something funny?
people are in straight jackets and a padded room if this was 20 years back
tony says
the old man act was terrible too
Alex says
dirty grandpa was dirty
tony says
not enough funny stuff.. too much stupid and disturbing stuff 3/10 for me.. better off watching the old films
Alex says
or the mtv reruns 3/10 also, cuz I dunno what else to give it


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: no one, they should all retire or check themselves in a care facility
Tony's Pick: johnny knoxville for keeping it going

Line of the Movie:
Al: " He literally shit himself"
Tony: n/a

RED

tony says
ok for this movie, see my review for the losers, basically it was like paint it by the numbers way of making an action comecdy
Alex says
John Malkavich was still worth seeing this film
tony says
that saved me from walking out, i must admit
Alex says
and whats her name from weeds
Alex says
the rest of the film was...there was some conspiracy...some fighting, shooting...and car chases
tony says
weeds girl was SOOO annoying! the romance was unrealistic
tony says
the fact that she'd stick with bruce willis the whole movie was absurd
Alex says
but they read the same books!
tony says
nice al nice
Alex says
ty, oh and why did they have to kill of Morgan Freeman
tony says
morgan dies in almost every film tho and they needed you to have some sort of human emotions besides hatred towards mary louise parker , it was just stupid
Alex says
I have nothing to say about this film other than Malkavich, because there really isn't much else to say
tony says
the movie was so dumb. i 100% agree with you
Alex says
maybe I should read the comics that it was based on? nah who am I kidding?
tony says
4/10 for me all 4 for john malkovich
Alex says
I'd give it the same as Loosers, maybe a +1 for John


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Brain Cox's character, I think...I dunno, this film is shite
Tony's Pick: morgan freeman

Line of the Movie:
Al: " the satelites!"
Tony: anything said by malkovich

Easy A

tony says
ok finally! your new msn is retarded al
Alex says
I didn't make it! keep up with technology, old man
tony says
shut up
Alex says
hi Shellie
Shellie says
hi Al!!!
tony says
ok so easy a! who wants to start?
Shellie says
This is the movie about the soccer player right?
tony says
i think that's She's the man
Alex says
I forgot...I just know there were a bunch of 30 something acting as highschool kids
Shellie says
That girl was not 30-something! She was late 20's. And she was a bad ass.
tony says
i remember it started out ok. al i thought you loved emma stone
Shellie says
i love Emma Stone. She's HAWT.
Alex says
the rest of the cast was easily 25+ but I will have to agree with that point
tony says
thats true.. emma's bff in that film was 39 at least
Shellie says
Oh he's hot too! There was a definite lack of brains though. Just lots of hotness to distract me.
tony says d
espite the 90210 style for casting teenagers, i still think the film started ok. what? shellie who are you thinking of? i meant her girl bff. we sound like we're on tmz
Shellie says
Oh I thought you meant bf. Hehe. Yeah the bff was pushing 40. And she was not hot...but I liked this movie! Is that wrong of me?
Alex says
I don't think Today's Youth would have sat through the main characters 1 hour + long explanation on why shes a ho-bag
tony says t
he end fell apart tho. al she's NOT a ho-bag! you didnt get her msg
Shellie says
She's a fake ho-bag!
Alex says
yeah, cuz I fell asleep during some parts
Shellie says
That was her message, right? Don't pretend to be a ho, it just causes messes.
tony says
you might have missed the whole point of the film al
Shellie says
You did not fall asleep Al!
tony says
al was 'distracted'
Alex says
so she is not a Ho? but she wore an A, for A-ho
tony says
sigh
Shellie says
hahahaha...A-non-ho
tony says
can we stop saying ho?!
Shellie says
Clearly Al was paying NO attention. Tony, you're a ho.
Alex says
a-faux-ho
Shellie says
YEAH!!!!
tony says
ho ho ho
Alex says
a...hah /snicker
Shellie says Y
ou guys don't know what it's like to be a girl. This movie touched my heart in many ways.
tony says
um that may be true.. but in high school i had to wear the scarlett A too, for i was a man-ho
Shellie says
Yeah, and people probably slapped you high fives. I got shunned all the time because of this kind of stuff. I mean....not me. A friend of mine.
tony says
hahahaha
tony says
ok so the movie... somewhere we lost our way i think
Shellie says
Solid. The parents were hilarious. That's all I really remember. And the hot mascot. Great movie.
tony says
the parents were good.. and i must say thats what i remember the most about it too
Alex says
Stanley Tucci deserves more roles
Alex says
and their adopted child
Shellie says
Hahaha...I forgot about the adopted child!
tony says
6.5/10 good start.. ok middle.. ending turned into every other teen film
Shellie says
Okay, I say 7/10. Emma Stone is my hero...I'm already fabricating slutty A clothes.
Alex says
I did not like this film, I thought Mean Girls was better, this one just played on the whole youtube and v-log thing.... 5/10 for moi
Shellie says
Mean Girls is way better!
tony says
tina fey is awesome


The Chelios Award
Al's Pick: the Parents and thier one adopted child, cuz they rocked
Tony's Pick: emma stone
Shellie's Pick: The mascot guy...for his patience.

Line of the Movie:
Al: " I'm adopted? WHO TOLD YOU?!"
Tony: "I faked rocked your world!"
SHellie: "I was gay once. We've all been gay."


tony says
for his patience, thats such bs shellie
Shellie says
and because he's hot.

The Town

Alex says
I want a Boston accent. I will attempt to convey that said accent phonetically within this review
starting now.
tony says
i feel like the accent was overdone by affleck but i dont know the accent well enough to make this claim
Alex says
walll, I jwust sawwww depawwwted again, and I thouwghhtt it was correct
tony says
HAHAHAHAAH that's pretty damn good!! what movie are we reviewing again?
Alex says
da taaawnn
tony says
your accent is horrendous
Alex says
its spawt on
tony says
but thank goodness the film was good.. it did a good job of making you feel sympathetic for the crooks. the cast was awesome.. jeremy renner is sooo badass.. and affleck was a MANSTER... but the actress was annoying... the liv tyler wannabe
Alex says
it was good, and Affleck is da shiiit, man was riippped, he might be above Maaat Dammmon now
tony says
i used to think affleck was a bit of a streisand.. until i saw phantoms
Alex says
live tyler wannabe conveyed a good cry on screen and Affleck was the bomb in phantoms yo
tony says
he was the effin bomb in phantoms! if i had another complaint about the film.. it was that kobayashi was not scary enough
Alex says
he looked like an undead, he just looked gross, with his leathery skin and that huge beak of a nose and yes Renner was also da shiiiit
tony says
since when did renner become such a badass?
Alex says
oh, lets not foowwwget Jon effin hamm. Renner was just born a badass
tony says
hamm is always good agreed. so im giving this movie 7.5/10 it was good... pretty simple story.. but well acted.
Alex says
There coulda been more heists, and better planned stuff...it does seem simple, but the bank robberies were not the main pawwwt of the story. 8/10, one of the better films to have come out this year
tony says
is the "ar" sound the only thing you know how to change about the boston accent?
Alex says
its a damn accurate one


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: renner for never wanting to go back
Tony's Pick: jeremy renner

Line of the Movie:
Al: " I'm putting dis whole taawn in mah rerview!"
Tony: " get that through your head!!"

Buried

tony says:
in terms of movies that only take place in a coffin.. this one was by far the best
Alex says:
but I saw it before, when Tarantino did it in Kill Bill and perfected in CSI:Vegas
Alex says:
those two had more tension and intensity than the entire Buried film
tony says:
true
tony says:
but the concept was still intriguing
tony says:
and i always like ryan reynolds
tony says:
that being said it still didnt work for me
Alex says:
Reynolds is the man, no doubt, but this shouldn't have been a film...its like some student project or an acting show case...its not a movie!
tony says:
gonna do a spoiler alert here so dont read on if you're interested in this film
tony says:
but it was like the road
tony says:
you see the character have struggles after struggles
tony says:
only to die at the end
tony says:
i know it's cliched to have a happy ending
tony says:
but sometimes it does work.. and it's needed or the audience just feels they've invested an hour and a half for nothing
Alex says:
they're charging regular admission to watch some guy in a box for an hour...I can see that and more when I go see David Blaine hang upside down and levitate
tony says:
no kidding..
tony says:
i mean whats the difference between the start of the movie and the end of the movie?
tony says:
nothing
tony says:
he was in trouble.. and then he is in trouble.. and then he died
Alex says:
not buying it, I want at least more location shoots and more actors on screen if I'm paying, I felt like I got cheated
tony says:
im ok with that
tony says:
i just think it wasnt very good
tony says:
i can watch one guy on screen thats fine tho
tony says:
like i said the concept WAS intriguing
tony says:
but they couldnt make it work
Alex says:
plus technically he woulda died long ago...plus no cell phone reception, pressure, air, yadda yadda
tony says:
yeah thats true
tony says:
lets bury this review then
Alex says:
aha...no
tony says:
im gonna give it a 7/10 for concept and attempt
tony says:
plus ryan reynolds is a badass
Alex says:
5/10 it could've been Liam in the box and it still wouldn't have saved the film


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: the snake for not biting Reynolds...I guess...to make it different
Tony's Pick: ryan reynolds

Line of the Movie:
Al: " you make video! make video!"
Tony: "EFF YOU!"

Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D

Alex says:
Milla is BACK!
tony says:
millas ARE back!
tony says:
but this franchise needs to be abolished
Alex says:
no way, now they got the redfields and that brack guy!
Alex says:
more 3D
tony says:
there isnt more in the story... i mean i can say that the video game stories are now more intriguing than the film stories, without a doubt
Alex says:
its gonna be like Saw!
tony says:
no more Saw
tony says:
no more resident
tony says:
we are part of the problem not the solution
Alex says:
our readers demand it!
Alex says:
Paul W.S Anderson owns my soul
tony says:
no one cares about these cretinous movies!
tony says:
come on man
tony says:
the piloting of that airplane in this movie had 4 year olds saying, "wait planes cant effing do that!"
tony says:
it was john cusack 2012-esque
Alex says:
so yeah....plot, character development, and story aside...that 3D is pretty awesome
tony says:
the 3D WAS good i do agree with that
tony says:
i guess we dont have to beat a dead horse
tony says:
its a resident evil film
tony says:
thats all it was
tony says:
didnt try to be anything else
tony says:
its satisfied just to be crap
Alex says:
would it be a kindness if they stopped making resident films
Alex says:
cwudididthurr?
tony says:
hahah RESIDENT KINDNESS
tony says:
4/10 for me all 4 rating was earned throught the actual COOl 3D
Alex says:
3D/10 ahahaha


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Claire Redfield!!!
Tony's Pick: milla

Line of the Movie:
Al: N/A can't remember that they actually spoke any lines.
Tony: "lets play a game" oh wait is that saw?

Alex says:
cuz you know...shower scene...wet clothes...hulking zombie with a hammer/axe

The Last Exorcism

Alex says:
was there even an exorcism during the whole film?
tony says:
there was an attempt i think.. i dunno
tony says:
i'm really sick of these documentary style horror films
Alex says:
but you were scurred! I saw your hat tipped too low for viewing!
tony says:
i mean everytime there is a posession it is somewhat scary
tony says:
and i admit i did think i was gonna be scared of the film as a whole
tony says:
all that got thrown out the window though because of the monumentous retardation of an ending
Alex says:
it started out like a really different type of horror or a smarted type of film...but then it just fell apart at the end...I call it blair witch syndrome!
Alex says:
yeah I just made that up
Alex says:
or, its a really smart ending that gets you thinking....
Alex says:
nah who am I kidding, the film was r-tarded
tony says:
i swear this actress must have been a gymnast as well.. there were no speical effects.. just sound effects and her bending
Alex says:
she was scary, scary looking too!
Alex says:
and why did they have to kill the cat?
tony says:
cause they couldnt make her really kill anything else.... she's not evil right? shes brainwashed?
tony says:
i dunno
tony says:
this movie was sucky
tony says:
you have the exorcist already.. unless you're gonna make a film better than that.. dont bother to try
tony says:
thats what it really boils down to
Alex says:
I think they were cashing in on the exorcism name, it really didn't have much to do with it
tony says:
thats even more infuriating
tony says:
the "sexual" side plot in it was annoying too.. it was like watching law and order SVU
Alex says:
dun duuuun!
tony says:
and the brother was a ginger
tony says:
nuff said
Alex says:
stupid film, plus the trailers were all misleading
Alex says:
its a disturbing trend
tony says:
4.5/10 for me
tony says:
nice try.. stupid ending
Alex says:
6/10, the majority of the film was decent up to the last 5 min


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: I guess...the preist/pastor? cuz...he believed!
Tony's Pick: the minister

Line of the Movie:
Al: "wtf is a blowing job?"
Tony: " i can add a recipe for banana bread in the sermon, and no one would know!"