Surrogates

tony says:
i don't know about you guys but i feel like i've watched this film before like on 9 separate occasions
Ivan says:
I don't know what to say about this movie
Ivan says:
What do you say Al?
Alex says:
its taunt and shiny!
tony says:
al do you want to add your usual social insight?
Alex says:
I don't believe crime rate will go down in this surrogate future, infact it'll go up if there were no deaths, just a busted up robot
Alex says:
at least everyone looks like perfection, rubberized perfection
tony says:
bruce looked creepy man
Ivan says:
i was happy that Bruce's surrogate died early
Ivan says:
i was sick of looking at his phony face
tony says:
me too! seeing him with hair is just angering
tony says:
thanks as usual for your profound insights al
Ivan says:
If i wanted to see bruce willis with hair, i'd make watch moonlighting
Alex says:
that night club full of robots was just creepy
tony says:
this felt like a continuation of gamer
Ivan says:
How good could this graphic novel have been?
tony says:
i know!
tony says:
good point!
tony says:
ok i'm gonna make this review very easy for our readers.. go read our gamer review.. 5/10 that is all.
Ivan says:
just thinking about the idea of the movie makes me upset
Alex says:
its flawed, calling it! I thought this was gonna be good for a bout the first 15 min, then the reality of it settled in, its just a taunt and shiny movie
Ivan says:
did i need to sit for 1 hour and 30 minutes to find out that life is better to be lived as humans rather than humans who control robots?
Ivan says:
F NO
Alex says:
we have mannequins fighting for us
Ivan says:
I feel insulted by this movie
tony says:
what surrogate models would u guys pick?
Ivan says:
i would pick stephen hawking
Ivan says:
jk
Ivan says:
rowan atkinson
Ivan says:
ok ok
Ivan says:
jk
Ivan says:
I would pick...
Ivan says:
ready?
Ivan says:
...that guy from police academy that made all the noises and effects
tony says:
i don't think u can go wrong with any of the choices ivan
Alex says:
I told you, Christopher 'the continental' walken
tony says:
hahahahha.. i would pick an incomplete model, one where u can still see metal and a pseudo-human face
tony says:
thats the only thing i got from this film, "who would i pick if i could choose a surrogate model?" i spent half the movie thinking about it
tony says:
lets go buy the graphic novel
Alex says:
I don't want to relive it
Ivan says:
good review guys
Ivan says:
see ya!
Ivan says:
oh yeah
Ivan says:
5/10
Ivan says:
see ya
Alex says:
well done! this movie is shit!
Alex says:
4.5/10 rubberized faces
tony says:
would you rather have seen couple's retreat?
Ivan says:
no
Alex says:
no, but Jennifer's hawt freaking body might've been a .5 better
Alex says:
fawk couples retreat
tony says:
every mediocre movie currently out should thank couple's retreat.. thats my point
Alex says:
gonna go google some Megan Fox pics. brb
Ivan says:
and i like the part where bruce beat the crap out of the robots that his sluttly wife invited to get "high/shocked" at their place

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: shit I dunno, no one has a heart in this film, I pick that fat IT guy at the police station, he refused a robot
Tony's Pick: ving rhames
Ivan's Pick: heart is bruce

Line of the Movie:
Al: (In Italian): none
Tony: Ving Rhames
Ivan: "i gave the world this gift and now i will take it away" i dont even know if it was a quote but it sounds like something cheesy they would say in a phony movie like this cheesey

Whip It

Alex says:
After watching Whip It, I feel what can only be described as a forced leathal dose of estrogen injected into me. Is this what post-op wo/man feel like?
tony says:
i don't have too much to say about this film, it was exactly like waterboy
Alex says:
without the funny
Alex says:
or the sports
tony says:
roller derby IS a sport!
tony says:
in fact I have mentally blocked out all non-roller derby parts
Alex says:
there was a whole 20min of it in a 2hr film
tony says:
between michael cera clones in zombieland and oliver in this film, my brain needed to shut down something.. so all i remember is the derby scenes
Alex says:
well I'm envious of your superhuman command over your brain cells
tony says:
the brain does what it has to, to keep the body alive!
tony says:
i was happy to see the badass from deathproof though
Alex says:
Zoe Bell is kewl
Alex says:
I on the other hand have unwittenly absorbed all forms for gurrl power
Alex says:
its so empowering in fact I think it just might be boarding lesbian
tony says:
it was even really about girl power though.. if it was i can understand it.. but it was just nonsense
tony says:
ellen page is still a canadian hero to me
tony says:
only cause it makes u mad that i think so though
Alex says:
Ted is a canadian hero
tony says:
who?
Alex says:
Ted!
Alex says:
who?! wtf
tony says:
the ticket guy at amc?!
tony says:
he was rocking a whip it shirt!
Alex says:
I've come to understand that Ted is a working man, if his superiors ask him to wear a whip it shirt, he wears a freakin whip it shirt
tony says:
this review is retarded!
Alex says:
hes more of a canadian hero than EP
tony says:
fair enough: ted of courtney park AMC if you are reading this.. you are what i think a canadian hero should symbolize
tony says:
were u pleased to see andrew "the forgotten" wilson in a role?
Alex says:
yes, though he seemed to channel his brother's acting abilities a little too much
tony says:
owen's or lukes?
Alex says:
maybe both
tony says:
mostly owen
Alex says:
he was the hightlight of the film for me
tony says:
toughts on fallon's performance
Alex says:
fallon is a douche
tony says:
what?! jimmy fallon brings what he brings to every film!
tony says:
nothing!
Alex says:
he has the acting ability of a Scream mask
tony says:
are u kidding? have u seen those scream masks that acutally bleed?! they can convey way more emotions!
tony says:
oh i thought birdman was really cool
Alex says:
birdman is just a pedro clone
tony says:
ok i think this is officially our dumbest review to date
tony says:
we shouldnt do back to back reviews
tony says:
ted you rock!
Alex says:
I think I've let our audience in on what was needed, though now that I think about it, most of our readers are gurrrrlls
tony says:
we have no readers! ivan and dunja are our only readers!
tony says:
and ivans part of the site!
tony says:
oh i give this a 6/10.. i am still and always will be a sucker for sports films
Alex says:
6.5/10 from me, the film celebrates its tagline and basks in mediocrity, but a solid first effort from Barrymore
tony says:
drew was great in the film so is kristen wiig as always! again, im only talking about the derby scenes, there were no other scenes were there?

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Razer
Tony's Pick: ellen page's dad

Line of the Movie:
Al: " can you tell me about the squealer?"
Tony: " we're number 2! we're number 2!!"

Zombieland

Alex says:
If L4D became a pg13 rated game with superbad humour, it would be zombieland, while it might sound like a good thing, its not
tony says:
I don't have enough words in my vocabulary to describe how dissapointed and confused I was when watching this film
tony says:
this was supposed to be the film that was a no brainer to be good
tony says:
no brainer.. hahaha a little zombie humour for you there
Alex says:
but they want brainz
tony says:
touche
Alex says:
usually a zombie film, one would expect a horde of zombies running a marathon to get at fresh meat, I think I counted the most zombies on screen to be maybe 30
Alex says:
instead the budget was all spent on the opening credits and those lame ass survival rules interacting throughout the film
tony says:
yes that is all quite vexing, but at the same time, killing zombies while being on amusement park rides? that is epic
tony says:
finding out who the awesome cameo is.. is also.. awesome!
Alex says:
they threw me off with the wig
Alex says:
I didn't buy the stand off in a gated concession stand, zombies woulda torrred dat shit up
tony says:
yeah i mean that was dumb.. i'm talking about when they were on the rides
Alex says:
yes, that was fun, zombies would also enjoy adrenaline inducing rollercoaster rides
tony says:
al do teenage actors these days vex you?
Alex says:
some
Alex says:
actually most
Alex says:
unless the actor is hawt and trampy, they're gonna annoy me
tony says:
i am so sick of michael cera clones
tony says:
he had some of the most moronic lines ever caught on film in this movie
tony says:
rememebr when he says, "someones gonna get their hair tucked behind their ears!" WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
Alex says:
who would even want to be a michael cera clone?
tony says:
everyone now
Alex says:
I bet Emma Stone even called that guy out for being a Cera clone
tony says:
emma stone is equally as annoying
tony says:
shes a clone herself!
Alex says:
shes hawt, she gets a pass
tony says:
al come on man
Alex says:
nope, not going anywhere
tony says:
have some integrity!
Alex says:
I am, hawt girls = pass
tony says:
woody had more charm and awesomeness in his pinky nail than those two idiots combined, in this movie.. and i hate woody!
tony says:
al = fail
Alex says:
abagail is a pass too
Alex says:
shes going places
tony says:
abigail is talent
tony says:
cera and lohan spawns are not
tony says:
ok emma stone was not sooo bad in the rocker, if that WAS her..
tony says:
i dont even know anymore
tony says:
all i know is this
tony says:
judging this film as a zombie film: it was hellacious, in a bad way
judging this film as a comedy: it was asinine
tony says:
but judging this film as a juno/adventureland/superbad type film: it was ok
Alex says:
too many conditions
tony says:
i DID like it, or maybe i want to like it really bad.. but i just feel like there were so many parts that made me want to be eaten by zombies
Alex says:
I'd give this film a 6.5/10 zombie headshots
tony says:
i'll give it a 6.5/10 as well
Alex says:
now, if they'd make a l4d film already
tony says:
hasnt romero made 38 of those films already?
tony says:
there is nothing special in left 4 dead that hasnt been done
Alex says:
you disgust me
Alex says:
zombie sympathizer!
tony says:
well what more do u want?
tony says:
dawn of the dead remake of the remake of the remake?
Alex says:
I don't need innovation, I'm happy with more of the same

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Zombieland cameo
Tony's Pick: woody

Line of the Movie:
Al: " that place blows....my mind"
Tony: " look at this effin clown!"

Dead Snow

tony says:
to quote a lyric from the band the scorpions, "HERE I AM! ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE!!" that's what dead snow did to me
tony says:
i was blown away
Alex says:
dead snow combines the two greatest evils of our time together in one glorifying display of zombies and nazi explotation, ever seen on film
Alex says:
If you think about it, nazis are just zombies in a different era
Alex says:
and they don't really eat brains
tony says:
i agree with everything you just said there.. this was like a dream come true.. it had everything i want in a zombie film
tony says:
what epic kills!
Alex says:
dead snow is like any nazi film + descent + cabin fever + zombies all rolled into one
tony says:
can u even make a bad film if you combine zombies and nazis?
tony says:
is it even possible?
tony says:
when zombies are together with nazis on celluloid.. dont we all win?
Alex says:
well, if they sat around and discussed their feelings maybe...but I think I would still watch it
tony says:
i'd watch them talk about their feelings! that would've been even better!
tony says:
i dont want to spoil all the fun stuff thats in this movie for ppl.. but i want to so bad
Alex says:
its so good its our first spoiler free review?
tony says:
yes its THAT good
tony says:
i wont say anything
tony says:
i think the very mention of zombies and nazis should be enough for ppl to go watch
Alex says:
alright, my only complaints are certain characters were written out too soon
Alex says:
they would've added to hilarity and depth of zombie killing
Alex says:
its wolfenstein with zombie mods
tony says:
they had to off people.. there would've been way too many characters...
Alex says:
it'd be an epic battle tho!
tony says:
it WAS an epic battle!
tony says:
the phillip seymore hoffman clone would've added nothing to the bedlam
Alex says:
he gave gems! and zombie insight!
tony says:
wait wait
tony says:
we are spoiling!
Alex says:
ok, NAZI + ZOMBIES = MUST SEE
Alex says:
enough
tony says:
ok
tony says:
sigh... MOUNTED MACHINE GUN ON A SNOWMOBILE!
tony says:
ok now i'll stop
Alex says:
just one thing, outhouse scene is gross, and I'm turned off on norwegian girls
tony says:
ok done done
tony says:
9.5/10 for me.. i almost spontaneously combusted on several occasions out of awesomeness! i dunno how the heck zombieland will top this
Alex says:
8/10, it was good, but lacked some things for me
tony says:
like what?!
tony says:
this was my dream come true
tony says:
this was a finely woven tapestry of epicness
tony says:
this was a flash of pure inspiration.. and let me tip my hat to the genesis of this film
tony says:
this was a brovado film.. this was an absolute concerto film! this was a benini sculpture of a film!.. i love ray hudson!
Alex says:
it wasn't scary enough, and almost too much of a comedy for me
Alex says:
but I guess you really can't take nazi zombies seriously

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Vegard for being the most resourceful of the group
Tony's Pick: for the second time in as many reviews: the girl with the dreadlocks

Line of the Movie:
Al: " it appears we're being attacked by...germans from world war 2"
Tony: "oh i think that was too far.. they're pissed!"

Gamer

tony says:
this movie sucked so bad. but we were so limited by what to watch this week. i don't even know where to begin
Alex says:
the back to school special, where all of hollywoods crap comes out during the months of september
tony says:
yep
Alex says:
It wasn't all bad, Gamer: a social commentary on the dystopian future that we're all destined to head for if our current generation are continually raised games such as L4D, Counter Strike, Call of Duty, and lets not forget Second Life. I FUCKING LOVE THOSE GAMES
Alex says:
cept second life, cuz that really is what Society is like, furries, fat doods and online cross dressers
tony says:
you and your social commentaries
tony says:
the only social commentary here.. is how the general public will watch any movie that studios put out
tony says:
i've seen this movie... it was called death race... and i'll probably see this movie again.. when its called surrogates
Alex says:
surrogates looks creepy, with their taunt and shiny faces
Alex says:
I'd play society tho! I thought Dexter did a good job being a douche
tony says:
but the thing is.. if u want to make a movie based on an idea from a movie before, you really should try to improve on it or at least make it the same.. they devolved so far from death race, FROM DEATH RACE, it was like The dark Knight to batman forever
dexter did do a good job i agree.. and so did LUDA
Alex says:
LUDA is like the poor man's andre 3000
tony says:
yeah but he was good in this film
Alex says:
oh, but Blanka! now he needs more roles
tony says:
once again agreed. he should be in every film, just to make the film have an asian! the action sequences.. what did u think?
Alex says:
too jittery with the camera, too many cuts, they could've exploited the first person cam instead
tony says:
i felt like i was watching a video game where the disc was scratched and could freeze at any minute.. maybe that was what they were going for.. but i've played video games that had this effect and it made me want to headbutt my tv.. first person cam is a definite no no! you remember doom?!
Alex says:
DOOM was awesome
Alex says:
and pissing into a car's fuel tank to run it on alcohol? c'omon? comon...
tony says:
i want to see that on mythbusters!
Alex says:
I don't think mythbusters would do this one, its beneath them
tony says:
i think we have to explain what he did more so our readers can see the full stupidity of the concept.. what this moron did was he drank at least 750 ml of vodka.. got to a car while ppl and helicopters were shooting at him.. vomitted in this cars fuel tank.. pissed in it.. and it started said vehicle. thats all u really need to know about the whole film really
Alex says:
I did not know cars run on vodka
Alex says:
I would've made my own batch of fuel/alcohol with potatoes in my own backyard and never have to pay for gas/liquor again
tony says:
well said!
tony says:
2.5 out of ten for me.. i cant freakin wait for zombieland! i cant take this much longer
Alex says:
I'd give it a 4.5/10, it did try to take on the whole gaming in the future thing, and it would've gone somewhere if it wasn't just retarded. Oh, lets not forget the teabagging move in the beginning.
tony says:
that part was golden.. ok i change it to 3/10

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: I'd guess it'll go to Kable for surviving that long and still keep his sanity
Tony's Pick: the girl with the dreadlocks

Line of the Movie:
Al: "look at this knife, and think about it going through your chest"
Tony: " he teabagged him!"

Inglourious Basterds

tony says:
I WANT MY SCALPS!
Ivan says:
The german will be sickened by us, the german will talk about us, and the german will fear us!
Alex says:
NHATZI killing bidness!
tony says:
but seriously.. forget this movie.. i want to watch nation's pride... not for what it stands for.. but like picture nation's pride with clive owen as the soldier and instead of him fighting allied soldiers he fights killer sharks with ak-47s!!
tony says:
thats my dream!
Ivan says:
Truly a fantastic dream Tony!
tony says:
great film eh?
Alex says:
its an entire film of him in a birdnest killing 400+ guys
Alex says:
I saw that film, its called Day of Defeat: Source
tony says:
hahahah nice al!
Ivan says:
It's like playing Halo versus a bunch of one armed, fingerless mutants
Ivan says:
You can't lose!
tony says:
but it was directed by eli roth!
Ivan says:
Eli roth is sick!
Ivan says:
and i loved Cabin Fever!
Ivan says:
I didn't care for hostel, however
Alex says:
I should go watch Hostel
tony says:
yes eli roth scares the crap outta me... i think hes sick and disturbing.. but if he wanted to.. he could direct the film of my dreams without the torture crap...
Ivan says:
Go watch cabin fever. It stars Ryder Strong
Ivan says:
But I digress. Brad Pitt was fantastic in his role as Lt. Aldo Raine
Alex says:
Pitt is the man
tony says:
oh he was.. and i dont really like him ever... BUT i love love love.. seeing neil from freaks and geeks! he hasnt aged a day!
Alex says:
he barely had a role
Alex says:
but I've to give my favourite to Hans Landa, now he's the man
tony says:
hans landa is starscream personified
Ivan says:
Do people wonder why we hate AL?
tony says:
al u truly are a cretin
Alex says:
but you love starscream
Ivan says:
I do! Let me ask you something Al
Ivan says:
Can you turn into a jet?
Alex says:
I surely can
Alex says:
like a bawwwss
Alex says:
I wanted to see more basterds action, but I guess its not that kinda film
tony says:
oh before i forget.. and screw u guys for disagreeing.. but shoshanna looks like sarah polley!.. i was captivated.. then destroyed
Alex says:
yeah, maybe, the comparisons are striking, I mean; shes female, white, blonde hair, has eyes
Alex says:
you're seeing things
tony says:
put the picture next to each other.. im gonna post it
tony says:
you'll see
Alex says:
next you're gonna tell me Ellen Page looks like zooey
Alex says:
I'm disgusted
tony says:
that's too far
tony says:
back to the film u miscreant
Ivan says:
Anyway. While I do disagree with you that he was "the man", the Standartenfuhrer was a force to be reckoned with. He was like CSI (circa 1940s). You could not piss on the guy and tell him it was raining.
tony says:
he was awesome at that i agree... but he wayne brady choked a biatch.. not cool
Alex says:
CSI: 3rd reich
Alex says:
now to find the german equivalent of a Who song
tony says:
du hast?
Ivan says:
Again, this movie has the elements needed to make a movie awesome. A real douchebag of a bad guy who just keeps on coming at you. You just wanted someone to punch him in the mouth
tony says:
agreed!
Alex says:
but the man stole the movie, he was pure gold! after that, its the dialogue
tony says:
it was way too long.. and it's immediately overrated 'cause its a tarantino.. not as good as his other films
Alex says:
I liked how it was broken up into chapters like kill bill was
tony says:
i didnt like that
tony says:
it was like tarantino saying.. "hey guys dont forget.. i made this film!"
Alex says:
wot?! this is his masterpiece!
Ivan says:
He did consider this his baby
tony says:
you're here under oath.. saying this is the best tarantino film?
Alex says:
I'd say this is 3rd or 2nd
Ivan says:
I guess I am sick of Tarantino's face.
Alex says:
he has a leno face
Alex says:
or chin
Ivan says:
yeah, you just want to throw projectile pigs at it!
Alex says:
and he looks like such a douche
tony says:
oh he does
Ivan says:
I would like to see photos of him as a child. He must have been grotesque!
tony says:
ok i basically think the film was great.. entertaining but long... had a lot of cool characters... eli scares the crap out of me... and thats about it.. 8/10
Ivan says:
The film was lengthy but I enjoyed it! However, it was also a late show and we must take that into account. I give it 8 stars
Alex says:
8/10 for me
Alex says:
anyone notice the increased level of douche in attendance? and the Brahs?
Alex says:
myself included
Ivan says:
Agreed, and agreed!
tony says:
agreed and agreed
tony says:
over 9000
Ivan says:
My doucheometer broke.
Alex says:
hey brah? wanna see that tarantino film brah?!
bro?! for sure bro!
right on bro-seph!
tony says:
what's bro-seph?
tony says:
i dont walk in those circles
Ivan says:
I wish they had that techonology where you could stick your hand through the monitor and punch Al on the other side. I would use it this instance
tony says:
a vortex of some sort?
tony says:
more and more our reviews have just turned into al bashing.. and that is glorious to me
Ivan says:
Yes, a vioent, fist vortex
Alex says:
go back to your myspace you basterds
Alex says:
see wot I did thurr
Alex says:
does it anger you?
tony says:
explain!
Alex says:
oh allow me!
Alex says:
notice the misspelling of bastards with an e replacing the a....
tony says:
oh stfu
tony says:
i thought it was gonna be something profound
Alex says:
you know, all this hating on Al on RSR? but everyone comes for my views! mine!
tony says:
al does have sympathizers
tony says:
that is true
Ivan says:
In the future, all Al sympathizer comments will be removed
tony says:
i support that
tony says:
in the far future al will be removed
Alex says:
I review under an oppresive regime, both you socialist pigs will be scalped
tony says:
just kidding i love u man
Ivan says:
I also love Alphonse!
Alex says:
SCALPED!

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: *note* al's heart award has been removed by administrator
Tony's Pick: SHOSANNA
Ivan's Pick: shosanna and her friend at the movie theater. He may have had more heart than her

Line of the Movie:
Al: (In Italian): Landa: "Again! I want to hear the music in it!"
Tony: " BON-JOURNO!"
Ivan: "That's a bingo!" "You just say 'bingo' (you nazi basterd)"... i added the bracketed part myself


tony says:
removing the heart
Ivan says:
your heart award is being removed
Alex says:
YOU GUYS ARE NHATZIS


SHOSANNA AND SARAH POLLEY








YOU GUYS ARE LEGALLY BLIND!

District 9

tony says:
i will never eat another prawn again!
Ivan says:
Red Lobster tomorrow!
Ivan says:
yeah!
!xoble says:
dat iz nawt how you sayyy mah naaame
tony says:
AL change your name back! HAHAHAHA
!xoble says:
!ok
Alex says:
you guys are fucking racists yo
Ivan says:
Please edit Al's vicious use of profanity
Alex says:
this media censorship is wrong
tony says:
oh man.. we here at RSR do not agree or condone Als views.
Ivan says:
Let's get on with the review!
Alex says:
!ok
tony says:
ok well it was a pretty good movie... i think they should've stuck with the kinda documentary feel that had at the beginning or else just abandon that whole concept
tony says:
the movie though had a lot of heart
Alex says:
docu-scifi is the new shaky cam
tony says:
yeah but it seemed like it was confused
Alex says:
wot is this a knapsack song?
Alex says:
Dikus *snicker
Alex says:
so why does alien gasoline turn ppl to aliens?
Ivan says:
I'll begin by saying that Wikus van de Merwe was the most unsuspecting hero that ever lived. Can I call him a hero?
Ivan says:
He is one awkward dude! and he speaks funny! haha foreigners
tony says:
wikus was the type of character that i wish i could be.... first he shows no heart.. then heart.. then no heart.. then tremondous heart.. then tremondous tremondous no heart.. then the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE HEART!!!!
tony says:
my favourite type of character
Ivan says:
an indecisive, spineless jellyfish?
Ivan says:
i like it!
tony says:
i like the whole concept of the film... i know there were social underlinings that i didnt understand though.. u want to feild the social commentary side of it al?
Alex says:
were prawns really aliens? or were they really zimbabwe and rawandan refugees?
tony says:
thats all you got?
Ivan says:
You tell us Alphonse. You're the expert
Alex says:
I think the prawns should be treated like the scum of the earth, they burns things for fun!
Ivan says:
I thought you were defending the prawns. You're worse than those scumbags at the MNU
tony says:
AL i think i hate you
Alex says:
death to prawns!
tony says:
the more we do reviews the more i am thinking that al is a dirtbag
Alex says:
I'm with that MNU bounty hunter guy
tony says:
oh man i hated him
tony says:
he got what he deserved
Ivan says:
Oh yeah! Every movie needs one of those guys. You know the second you see him, you want him dead. But not right away. You want him to piss you off for 1.5 hours. Then when you're good and ready, BAM, blow him the F up.
Ivan says:
God i love revenge!
tony says:
retribution always makes for greatness in cinema!
Alex says:
he kills prawns for fun
Alex says:
I don't like wikus' back and forth when he was helping christopher johnson
Alex says:
how did those prawns know to go after that guy all of a sudden?
tony says:
maybe they are smarter than you think
Alex says:
nope! bottom feeders!
tony says:
they built epic weapons and a starship that can travel through galaxies! what the hell have u ever done?
Alex says:
I bring colour commentary to this site
Ivan says:
Al Can you blame Wikus though? You are about to transform into a gigantic shrimp/lobster abomination. Your father-in-law wants you dead and use your body for science. He just wanted to live! Don't you want to live Al?
Alex says:
nope, I'm done with life! I'm ready to be turned into a prawn
Alex says:
I'd shoot things for fun with that lightening gun
tony says:
can i eat your arm?
Alex says:
gain my powers?
Alex says:
its mine you Nigerian warlord
Ivan says:
I want to eat your arm and be like you Al
tony says:
i would let you guys eat my arm
tony says:
but u'd have to pry from my cold dead... um... arms i guess..
Alex says:
I want a prawn power suit
Ivan says:
Would you know to use the "make bullets stop in mid air" move at all times?
Ivan says:
If not, don't bother. You'll end up DED
tony says:
that thing is badass!
tony says:
yeah how come it didnt do that move everytime? was it on cooldown?!
Alex says:
its a gravity gun like in HL2
Alex says:
it sucked a pig and shot it at an MNU guy
Ivan says:
That thing must have a massive cooldown. maybe 15 minutes or so. I would love to shoot a pig at Al's face
tony says:
HAHAHAHAHA
tony says:
the rail gun is badass.. one shot
tony says:
ok thats it.. i want to eat someones arm!
Ivan says:
I feel like pork!
Ivan says:
Not that i feel like pork ("oh, i'm fat and pink"), i actually feel like consuming it
tony says:
anyway good film.. sad film... humans suck.. but 100% accurate.. and i would like to know where i'd stand if this really happened
tony says:
so 7.5/10 for me!
Ivan says:
The film was well made, evoked emotions (it even made tony run to the bathroom), and I loved wikus's accent!
Ivan says:
7.75 for me!
Alex says:
Same, I can't wait to see district 10
tony says:
how u think district 10 would play out: district 10 :the rescue? or district 10: the retribution?
Alex says:
when prawns fight back
Ivan says:
You both know me, and i'm a sucker for retribution. Bring the pain!

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: the kid prawn
Tony's Pick: wikus
Ivan's Pick: wikus

Line of the Movie:
Al: "can you slow down with the clicks and repeat that? it sounded like you said three years"
Tony: " i want to eat your arm and be like you"
Ivan: "get your fokkin tentacle out of my face"

G.I. Joe: The RIse of Cobra

tony says:
4 man review.. never been done.. im nervous and a little edgy
Shellie the Shiv says:
im pumped! because I'm included!
Alex says:
YO JOE!
Ivan says:
I'm ready to roll!
Alex says:
CRASHING THROUGH THE SKY, COMES THE FEARFUL CRY!
Alex says:
Coooooobraaaaaa
Alex says:
COOOOBRAAAAA
tony says:
take it easy man.. the movie sucked
Ivan says:
that might be all we get from Al
Alex says:
HOW DARE YOU!?
Alex says:
COBRA-LALALALALALALALALALA
Shellie the Shiv says:
ugh
Shellie the Shiv says:
someone actually liked this movie?
tony says:
i have never been more convinced that a movie WOULD suck.. so much so that i brought in pen and paper to take notes
Alex says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDabIEc6yh4
Alex says:
I liked it!
tony says:
al you never cease to amaze me man... but that link is bloody hilarious!
Ivan says:
I was so ready for suckage. Everyone knew going into it that it would be garbage (pronounced French), but once I saw how miserable Transformers was I knew we were doomed.
Shellie the Shiv says:
I didnt think it was possible for a movie to be worse than Tranformers. This...I have no words for it.
tony says:
honestly i dont even know where to start on how garbage this was
Ivan says:
a Wayans brother is a GI JOE!
Alex says:
it was better than xmen 1
tony says:
it was not better than ANY of the xmens
Alex says:
bleh, better than x1 and x3 combined!
Alex says:
COMBINED!
Ivan says:
What?
tony says:
it stole so many ideas al
Ivan says:
X-Men? Are you crazy? I'm outta here!
Shellie the Shiv says:
So basically you're telling me never to watch xmen?
Alex says:
yeah, if you haven't seen it
tony says:
it didnt have an original idea in the whole film.. al u truly disgust and dissapoint me
tony says:
the suits.. stolen from the video game halo
tony says:
the weapon of mass destruction... stolen from the day the earth stood still
tony says:
the destruction of france.. stolen from team america world police.. they destroyed more than 18 city blocks!
Shellie the Shiv says:
Can i just say, I fell asleep in the last action scene. I NEVER fall asleep in movies. Unconciousness was better than that gargage.
Shellie the Shiv says:
HAHAHA...team america!
tony says:
duke an obvious john cena knockoff
Alex says:
its gi joe, have you seen a gi joe episode lately? they had super ray beams that would transform snakes and pythons into fighter planes
tony says:
that may be so but al u cant fall asleep in an action scene
tony says:
u cant
tony says:
shellie drives deathproof the car!
tony says:
she doesnt fall asleep!
Alex says:
I think our readers need to know that Ivan and Tony went to see 500 days of summer hours prior to watching this modern remake of a Hasbro classic
tony says:
IT HAD THE KID FROM TROPIC THUNDER!
tony says:
what does that mean al?
Ivan says:
I would also like for Alphonse to clarify
Alex says:
you know wot?! you two go watch your indie films
Alex says:
I'm taking over summer blockbuster reviews
Alex says:
theres a segment of RSR for indie reviews.....DAAAAT AH WAY! ---->
tony says:
sigh
Alex says:
I'm glad that kid form Tropic thunder has a career
Alex says:
but I liked half-squat better
Ivan says:
Whether a movie is indie or not has nothing to do with the review. First of all JGL was featured in both movies, so let's not pretend that 500 Days was some low-budget trailer park, basement quality flick. Second of all, F U AL
Shellie the Shiv says:
I think even the little boys sitting in front of me were bored to tears, and may have started discussing indie films to alleviate the pain.
Alex says:
those weren't little kids
Alex says:
they were munchkins
Shellie the Shiv says:
Hmm...they did have lollipops and funny hair dos...that explains a lot
Shellie the Shiv says:
Do you know what sealed the deal for me? When the one badass in the movie....turned into a not badass! The baroness! She was awesome!
tony says:
YES shellie makes an excellent point
tony says:
the baroness character was destroyed so badly.. it was the equivalent to a ninja turtles movie that just for whatever reason decided to make raphael a dog
tony says:
oh guys how much do u care about the history of snakeyes and cobra commander?
Ivan says:
><
Ivan says:
that much
tony says:
i care more about whats happening on CSPAN right now
Shellie the Shiv says:
Wait, which one was cobra commander?
tony says:
the mad scientist who turned into darth vader at the end
Shellie the Shiv says:
(This is how much i didnt pay attention)
Ivan says:
I'll be right back, I'm just gonna go check CSPAN! thanks tony!
tony says:
record it for me ivan
Shellie the Shiv says:
oh the boy from third rock from the sun! that show > GI joe
Ivan says:
ok, i'm back. that was exhilarating!
tony says:
al how can u take a film that has a wayan brother giving advice.. seriously?
Alex says:
I thought he restrained his usual racial passive self of a douche bag and did a stellar job portraying ripcord
Alex says:
what did you guys watch when you were young? JEM?
Ivan says:
I watched fn GI mother fn JOEs and Transfreakingformers
Ivan says:
not these abominations of movies
Shellie the Shiv says:
Jem > GI Joe
Ivan says:
F U HOLLYWOOD. and you too hasbro
tony says:
we watched g i joes.. we watched them fight and destroy crap.. we did not watch for their individual histories and advice.. i turned it off on the "knowing is half the battle" part
tony says:
hasbro is dead to me
tony says:
dead
Shellie the Shiv says:
Didn't the wayans guy play a clown on some show?
tony says:
they are all clowns.. but i think u mean in living color
tony says:
a little piece of my childhood died.. when i saw snakeyes crappy suit
Alex says:
oh please, you didn't even know he did not have a mouth in his original suit
tony says:
i didnt even mention the baroness's costume.. sparkles?!?!?! just let me get hit by a car now
tony says:
oh and robot fish were in it.. stolen from terminator
Shellie the Shiv says:
Hey, I liked the sparkles. They should have bedazzled her whole costume
Shellie the Shiv says:
Stayed with the theme of the movie.
tony says:
oh kill me now please
tony says:
OH i didnt even mention the BIGGEST rage inducing thing about the film... remember when speed racer ended? they played a updated version of the speed racer song.. same as transformers.. and other movies.. when this peice of turd ended.. what did they play?
tony says:
yes the black eyed effin peas
tony says:
oh im gonna go slash wrists now.. see ya
Ivan says:
This is clearly another example of hollywood capitalizing on our childhood. Take a great franchise, use the name, throw it in a blender with wayans brothers, john cena look alikes, sparkles, some rubbish story lines and you've got yourself one hell of a flick!
Shellie the Shiv says:
HAHAHAHA
Shellie the Shiv says:
What black eyed peas song was it? THat makes a difference
Alex says:
I wanted gi joe 2: revenge of the cobra
Alex says:
COBRA LA LA LA LA LA LA
tony says:
no shellie.. it makes no difference.. but its the one that goes BOOM BOOM BOOM.. oh wait! they all do!
Shellie the Shiv says:
Oh yeah, that's crap. But still probably the highlight of the movie for me.
Shellie the Shiv says:
Because it meant it was over.
tony says:
touche
tony says:
but for the record.. i would sacrifice my life if it meant that they couldnt make music anymore
Shellie the Shiv says:
Better than closing out with Lady Gaga.
tony says:
lose-lose
tony says:
al what has happened to u man?
tony says:
i mean i got dumber too.. but not retardly nimrod moronic dumb
Alex says:
I don't know what you're talking about, they'll never make the gi joe you'd want, in fact they'll never make the movie you imagine. Just wait till WoW comes out
Alex says:
Rise of cobra was well executed for what it was
tony says:
sigh.. shellie drive over in your deathproof car and end me.. i think he has a point
Alex says:
Revenge of Cobra 2010! COOOOBRAAAAAAAA
Shellie the Shiv says:
Im about to run myself over.
Shellie the Shiv says:
Seriously, speechless.
tony says:
2.5/10 for me.. it was like watching dragonball again..
Ivan says:
I didn't even want to bring this up, but i will. The last 20 minutes of the movie reminded me of the worst soap opera imaginable. Rather than follow the events of one awesome story or character, why not have the audience follow 5 piss poor action sequences? It'll be great. We'll have wayans brother flying a plane blowing missles out of the sky, and then we'll have john cena and traitoress chase evil guys pretending to be destro and cobra commander (honestly, if you showed me those two twats and told me to guess who they would be acting as in the GI JOE movie, i would tell you to shove it up your...), and then snake eyes will be fighting his evil arch nemesis to the death, while the president is being replaced by an imperstinator, and let's throw in some Dennis Quaid for good measure!
tony says:
AMEN!!!
Shellie the Shiv says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Amen Ivan! The last 20 minutes were seriously painful. I think. I can't remember because I was dreaming about watching a halfway decent movie.
Alex says:
last 20 mins was star wars
Alex says:
a lot of characters, a lot of action, everyone got screen time, they kept to the origin stories pretty well, wot more do you want?
Shellie the Shiv says:
good actors?
tony says:
good action?
Ivan says:
less screen time?
tony says:
no origins?
tony says:
i want all those things
Shellie the Shiv says:
better story line?
tony says:
ok lets wrap this up before i go into a self induced coma
Ivan says:
agreed friend
Ivan says:
2/10 and thank you Shellie!
Alex says:
so you want GI JOE: Origins: Snake Eyes
tony says:
i want GI JOE: NO ORIGIN
Shellie the Shiv says:
GI JOE: The 5 minute origin
Ivan says:
No, i want Duke to kick the everliving crap out of Cobra Commander. I want to see Destro get his metal head bashed in by Snake Eyes. I want it all!
tony says:
when u are a kid.. and u watched a cartoon.. and u want the origin of something.. then that is the first of 5 signs that u are a douchebag
tony says:
i never ever watched inspector gadget and gone, "oh gee how the heck did that dr. claw get his nickname? gee where was penny's computer book manufactured? i wonder if Dr. claw's cat is neutered"
Shellie the Shiv says:
2/10...and that's being generous
Ivan says:
we've got big hearts, that's the way we are
tony says:
i give al 1/10
tony says:
again
Ivan says:
ditto for me
Shellie the Shiv says:
i give al 10/10 for trying to defend this piece of crap
tony says:
al out of 10? this is gonna be funny
Alex says:
7!
tony says:
7/10?!!??!!
Alex says:
this film was worth the monies I paid!
tony says:
shellie deathproof over my neck.. now!
Shellie the Shiv says:
I'm on my way. I'd be willing to put you out of your misery for this noble of a cause.
tony says:
hey ivan how did we start saying that shellie drives deathproof?
Ivan says:
we were just thinking about people that would never, ever be suspected of having a badass car, but they are so badass that they would indeed drive such vehicles (but not drive them like douchebags)
tony says:
al in a way u are a legend.. im kinda agreeing with shellie here that u get a 10/10 for ur defense
Alex says:
I could go on, but no one is listening
Shellie the Shiv says:
And why would you not suspect I have a badass car? I'm effing Stephanie Tanner!

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: cobra commander
Tony's Pick: me for staying for the whole duration
Ivan's Pick: General Hawk for having the guts to put John Cena and Wayans brother on his elite team
Shellie's Pick: Scarlet

Line of the Movie:
Al: "Call me Commander!"
Tony: that tripe that scarlet said about emotions and science
Ivan: "He doesn't talk "
Shellie: the first line of the closing credits.

NOTE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT JEM WAS AT THE TIME.. I HAVE SINCE YOUTUBED THIS CARTOON.. AND AM CURRENTLY IN CRITICAL TO SERIOUS CONDITION.

(500) Days of Summer

IT IS AN HONOUR TO BE JOINED BY OUR GOOD FRIEND KRISTA, FOR THE REVIEW OF 500 DAYS OF SUMMER!


tony says:
ok let me start this by taking a quote from the brilliant movie Rounders: In the poker game of life, women are the rake.
Krista says:
And men are the hoe.
Ivan says:
the rake!
Krista says:
Is that how it goes?
tony says:
present company excluded
tony says:
but no there was no hoe part
Krista says:
I must have just added that part then.
Ivan says:
indeed
tony says:
the film itself shows this to a tee
Krista says:
No, I disagree. What it actually shows to a tee is that boys are dumb.
tony says:
hold that thought krista
Krista says:
Okay
tony says:
let me just get the review of the movie outta the way... this was an AWESOME film.. probably the best film i seen this year...
tony says:
i have no negative thing to say about the film
tony says:
anyone who's seen this will know of all the cool things about it so i won't get into that.. this was personal to me
Ivan says:
The film was great. I was pleasantly surprised and the kid from Third Rock has grown into a man (minus the neanderthalic haircut)
Krista says:
Definitely a hair improvement from the 3rd Rock days though.
Krista says:
Patrick says to write that he liked the movie too.
tony says:
i dont like your views on the film
tony says:
krista
Ivan says:
Whoa, review of the movie over?
Krista says:
Well, we have something in common then, 'cause I don't like your views on the film.
Krista says:
Tony.
Ivan says:
Ouch!
tony says:
i told you.. this one is personal... and i need to convince krista that zooey was a cold hearted harpy
Krista says:
Actually, it's not so much that I don't like them as that I think they're wrong.
tony says:
i can admit that the guy was kinda a douche sometimes.. u cant admit that she was the anti-christ? i dont get it
Krista says:
I don't think you'll convince me.
Ivan says:
Zooey played the part of the heartbreaker perfectly. And yes, JGL was a freaking moron in the film, nobody will say otherwise.
Krista says:
She was just living her life. She never asked him to get involved in it.
tony says:
SHE DID
tony says:
when she kissed him
tony says:
done
Ivan says:
Not only did she not ask him to get involved, she hijacked him and took him on the ride of his life
Ivan says:
Harpy!
Krista says:
And she was really up front about it from the start that she didn't want anything serious / a boyfriend.
tony says:
thats fine. then dont turn things serious.
tony says:
which she did
Krista says:
No, HE did.
tony says:
what?!
tony says:
did we watch the same film?
Krista says:
He was the one asking her to give him something she wasn't able to give him.
Krista says:
Their first real talk (when the buddy was drunk), she told him she didn't believe in love. He should have put it to rest right there and walked away.
Ivan says:
Let's check the list:
- Kiss him in the copy room? Check
- Go shopping at IKEA? Check
- Rent dirty movies? Check
Ivan says:
WINNAR!
tony says:
ok um lets see... initiate first kiss.. check... initiate first sexual encounter... check... initiate first rental of porn.. check... initiate false invites to parties and what not.. check... lead guy on for 400 + days.. check..
Ivan says:
hhaha awesome!!!
tony says:
great minds think alike
Krista says:
If those 3 things mean you need to marry someone, then a lot of people are in big trouble!
tony says:
im saying she made it serious!
Krista says:
No she didn't.
Krista says:
Kissing someone doesn't mean it's serious to a lot of people. And to her, she was up front that it wasn't.
Ivan says:
You do not need any of those things to marry anyone. If anything, you avoid someone who does those things.
Ivan says:
She was more confusing that a 4 sided rubix cube
tony says:
krista.. if it wasnt for her.. he'd just be her friend.. SHE KISSED HIM... i have some friends.. i dont kiss ANY of them..
Ivan says:
The movie was also funny.
Krista says:
I think she was trying to see if there was anything there. She tried, her heart wasn't ever really in it. She was honest about that, but did try - I think for his sake because she could see he was so serious about it - but there wasn't.
Krista says:
Yes - it was definitely also funny.
tony says:
the bottom line is this: and i'm serious here... he loved her.. she knew it.. she chose not to really stop it.. why?.. 'cause she loves being loved...
Krista says:
And props for the 4 sided rubix cube reference Ivan.
Krista says:
NOPE
Krista says:
She did not. You're pretending she's Jillian from Bachelorette and she's VERY different from her.
tony says:
there is no reason for any of what she did.. but she loved being loved.. thats all..
Krista says:
No she didn't! She wasn't happy with the situation and tried to get out of it. She told him a number of times she didn't want anything and didn't love him. She even quit her job to be away from him, and eventually married someone else. How much more can you do to be clear? She can only do so much. Joseph G. Levitt's gotta take the hint eventually.
tony says:
gimme a break
Krista says:
You're making it like the boy had no choices. He had a million clues and chances to cut and run, but wouldn't.
Ivan says:
ok. 5 minutes pause.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha. Okay!
tony says:
it's just mixed messages..
tony says:
u know whats better than a hint? "it's over.. i dont love you.. "
Krista says:
She did like him. Just not the way he wanted her to.
tony says:
but she says "i dont love u.. but i want to string u along as far as i can"
Krista says:
He could have left at any time.
Ivan says:
He couldn't, though. He loved her.
Krista says:
She never lied to him.
Krista says:
she didn't love him, she told him that.
tony says:
i think we have to agree to disagree
Krista says:
He was hoping she'd change, but people don't change like that.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha h ah ah ah. Yeah - something tells me \
Ivan says:
He was in it for real. And she was a liar. She said she didn't believe in all sorts of things (love, boyfriends and blah blah blah). In less than 100 days she managed to change.
tony says:
i guess its ok to destroy someone if you're just selfishly trying to see if things will change for you
Ivan says:
Agreed Tony
Krista says:
Because she met the right person.
Ivan says:
We don't know that.
Ivan says:
I'm calling it a draw.
Krista says:
When you meet the right person, they can make you believe in that stuff.
Ivan says:
She's just a twisted person to begin with though.
Krista says:
That's what the movie was insinuating. She was genuinely happy.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ah! She is a bit weird, yeah.
tony says:
she is awesome.. just mean... why wait 400 + days to tell someone they arnt right? because she loves the feeling of being loved.. until she can find the right one
tony says:
she was just using him
Krista says:
No, because she doesn't know that love does exist because she hasn't experienced it yet.
Ivan says:
Harpy.
tony says:
"we can still be best friends" F U
Ivan says:
I'm just glad JGL was able to recover and make things right for himself.
tony says:
it was always clear that he wanted to be more than friends.. she knew this.. any normal person would say "gee if he wants me to become more than a friend.. maybe i shouldnt kiss and and sleep with the guy"
tony says:
am i wrong?
Ivan says:
Nope.
Ivan says:
It was a painful story.
tony says:
it was heartbreaking.. i feel him man.. poor guy... at least in 3rd rock he was an alien
Krista says:
It was a learning experience for him and he'll be a better, wiser person for it now. He's back on his feet and will find someone who wants the same things from him as he wants from them.
Ivan says:
Yeah, aliens don't feel anything.
Krista says:
He'll realize that a real relationship goes both ways and will see that he was a dolt.
Ivan says:
And Zooey will become a fat, bitter, lonely... good movie.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha! No she won't.
tony says:
this is the most serious review we've ever done.. and you know what? i'm glad zooey was a harpy... it just makes me love sarah polley that much more
Krista says:
Yes - that's true!
Ivan says:
No changing of the guard!
Ivan says:
F CHANGE!
Krista says:
No changing of the guard!!
Krista says:
HA!
tony says:
ok 9.5/10 for me
Krista says:
How would you have felt if Polley was Zooey's character?
Krista says:
8/10 for me
tony says:
loved the film.. so painful tho
Ivan says:
9/10!
tony says:
if polley was zooey i woulda felt exactly like JGL did.. hurt but still in love.. u cant ever get rid of those feelings
Krista says:
I see.
Krista says:
High ratings!

The Chelios Heart Award
Krista's Pick: Rachel, the little sister gets tied with curly haired best friend for heart.
Tony's Pick: the sister
Ivan's Pick: the sister

Line of the Movie:
Krista: The one about the cockroach shaped splotch on her neck.
Tony: "love? well shit.. i dunno"
Ivan: "I don't know how to tell you this, but there's a Chinese family in our bathroom. "


Krista says:
HA HA HA AH! Yeah the chinese family - that part was REALLY funny.
tony says:
roses are read violets are blue
Ivan says:
...
Ivan says:
awesome!
tony says:
krista thanks for doing this! you rock!
Krista says:
Favourite scene: dance / Han Solo scene
tony says:
we dont favourite scenes!
Ivan says:
rofl
tony says:
HAHAHAHA
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha! I do.
tony says:
shes takin over our site!
Krista says:
HA HA HA AH HA!
Ivan says:
She does what she wants!
Ivan says:
Reminds me of someone
Krista says:
Thanks for having me!
Ivan says:
thank you for joining us!
Krista says:
HA HA HA AH AH! I am a kindred of Zooey's.
tony says:
NOOOOO! LEAVE NOW!
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
tony says:
NO!!!
Ivan says:
of the same ilk?
tony says:
KRISTA WE CANNOT HANG OUT ANYMORE!! PATRICK I GOT YOUR BACK!
Krista says:
A bit - then I found Patrick and it all changed!
Krista says:
Awwwww....
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ah ah ah ah.
tony says:
YUCK
tony says:
i give krista 1/10
Krista says:
HA!
Krista says:
I give you .3 out of 100.
Ivan says:
I hate this fn song!!!
Ivan says:
Sir, you need to get off the bus
Krista says:
HA HA AH AH !
Krista says:
Also a great line.