District 9

tony says:
i will never eat another prawn again!
Ivan says:
Red Lobster tomorrow!
Ivan says:
yeah!
!xoble says:
dat iz nawt how you sayyy mah naaame
tony says:
AL change your name back! HAHAHAHA
!xoble says:
!ok
Alex says:
you guys are fucking racists yo
Ivan says:
Please edit Al's vicious use of profanity
Alex says:
this media censorship is wrong
tony says:
oh man.. we here at RSR do not agree or condone Als views.
Ivan says:
Let's get on with the review!
Alex says:
!ok
tony says:
ok well it was a pretty good movie... i think they should've stuck with the kinda documentary feel that had at the beginning or else just abandon that whole concept
tony says:
the movie though had a lot of heart
Alex says:
docu-scifi is the new shaky cam
tony says:
yeah but it seemed like it was confused
Alex says:
wot is this a knapsack song?
Alex says:
Dikus *snicker
Alex says:
so why does alien gasoline turn ppl to aliens?
Ivan says:
I'll begin by saying that Wikus van de Merwe was the most unsuspecting hero that ever lived. Can I call him a hero?
Ivan says:
He is one awkward dude! and he speaks funny! haha foreigners
tony says:
wikus was the type of character that i wish i could be.... first he shows no heart.. then heart.. then no heart.. then tremondous heart.. then tremondous tremondous no heart.. then the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE HEART!!!!
tony says:
my favourite type of character
Ivan says:
an indecisive, spineless jellyfish?
Ivan says:
i like it!
tony says:
i like the whole concept of the film... i know there were social underlinings that i didnt understand though.. u want to feild the social commentary side of it al?
Alex says:
were prawns really aliens? or were they really zimbabwe and rawandan refugees?
tony says:
thats all you got?
Ivan says:
You tell us Alphonse. You're the expert
Alex says:
I think the prawns should be treated like the scum of the earth, they burns things for fun!
Ivan says:
I thought you were defending the prawns. You're worse than those scumbags at the MNU
tony says:
AL i think i hate you
Alex says:
death to prawns!
tony says:
the more we do reviews the more i am thinking that al is a dirtbag
Alex says:
I'm with that MNU bounty hunter guy
tony says:
oh man i hated him
tony says:
he got what he deserved
Ivan says:
Oh yeah! Every movie needs one of those guys. You know the second you see him, you want him dead. But not right away. You want him to piss you off for 1.5 hours. Then when you're good and ready, BAM, blow him the F up.
Ivan says:
God i love revenge!
tony says:
retribution always makes for greatness in cinema!
Alex says:
he kills prawns for fun
Alex says:
I don't like wikus' back and forth when he was helping christopher johnson
Alex says:
how did those prawns know to go after that guy all of a sudden?
tony says:
maybe they are smarter than you think
Alex says:
nope! bottom feeders!
tony says:
they built epic weapons and a starship that can travel through galaxies! what the hell have u ever done?
Alex says:
I bring colour commentary to this site
Ivan says:
Al Can you blame Wikus though? You are about to transform into a gigantic shrimp/lobster abomination. Your father-in-law wants you dead and use your body for science. He just wanted to live! Don't you want to live Al?
Alex says:
nope, I'm done with life! I'm ready to be turned into a prawn
Alex says:
I'd shoot things for fun with that lightening gun
tony says:
can i eat your arm?
Alex says:
gain my powers?
Alex says:
its mine you Nigerian warlord
Ivan says:
I want to eat your arm and be like you Al
tony says:
i would let you guys eat my arm
tony says:
but u'd have to pry from my cold dead... um... arms i guess..
Alex says:
I want a prawn power suit
Ivan says:
Would you know to use the "make bullets stop in mid air" move at all times?
Ivan says:
If not, don't bother. You'll end up DED
tony says:
that thing is badass!
tony says:
yeah how come it didnt do that move everytime? was it on cooldown?!
Alex says:
its a gravity gun like in HL2
Alex says:
it sucked a pig and shot it at an MNU guy
Ivan says:
That thing must have a massive cooldown. maybe 15 minutes or so. I would love to shoot a pig at Al's face
tony says:
HAHAHAHAHA
tony says:
the rail gun is badass.. one shot
tony says:
ok thats it.. i want to eat someones arm!
Ivan says:
I feel like pork!
Ivan says:
Not that i feel like pork ("oh, i'm fat and pink"), i actually feel like consuming it
tony says:
anyway good film.. sad film... humans suck.. but 100% accurate.. and i would like to know where i'd stand if this really happened
tony says:
so 7.5/10 for me!
Ivan says:
The film was well made, evoked emotions (it even made tony run to the bathroom), and I loved wikus's accent!
Ivan says:
7.75 for me!
Alex says:
Same, I can't wait to see district 10
tony says:
how u think district 10 would play out: district 10 :the rescue? or district 10: the retribution?
Alex says:
when prawns fight back
Ivan says:
You both know me, and i'm a sucker for retribution. Bring the pain!

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: the kid prawn
Tony's Pick: wikus
Ivan's Pick: wikus

Line of the Movie:
Al: "can you slow down with the clicks and repeat that? it sounded like you said three years"
Tony: " i want to eat your arm and be like you"
Ivan: "get your fokkin tentacle out of my face"

G.I. Joe: The RIse of Cobra

tony says:
4 man review.. never been done.. im nervous and a little edgy
Shellie the Shiv says:
im pumped! because I'm included!
Alex says:
YO JOE!
Ivan says:
I'm ready to roll!
Alex says:
CRASHING THROUGH THE SKY, COMES THE FEARFUL CRY!
Alex says:
Coooooobraaaaaa
Alex says:
COOOOBRAAAAA
tony says:
take it easy man.. the movie sucked
Ivan says:
that might be all we get from Al
Alex says:
HOW DARE YOU!?
Alex says:
COBRA-LALALALALALALALALALA
Shellie the Shiv says:
ugh
Shellie the Shiv says:
someone actually liked this movie?
tony says:
i have never been more convinced that a movie WOULD suck.. so much so that i brought in pen and paper to take notes
Alex says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDabIEc6yh4
Alex says:
I liked it!
tony says:
al you never cease to amaze me man... but that link is bloody hilarious!
Ivan says:
I was so ready for suckage. Everyone knew going into it that it would be garbage (pronounced French), but once I saw how miserable Transformers was I knew we were doomed.
Shellie the Shiv says:
I didnt think it was possible for a movie to be worse than Tranformers. This...I have no words for it.
tony says:
honestly i dont even know where to start on how garbage this was
Ivan says:
a Wayans brother is a GI JOE!
Alex says:
it was better than xmen 1
tony says:
it was not better than ANY of the xmens
Alex says:
bleh, better than x1 and x3 combined!
Alex says:
COMBINED!
Ivan says:
What?
tony says:
it stole so many ideas al
Ivan says:
X-Men? Are you crazy? I'm outta here!
Shellie the Shiv says:
So basically you're telling me never to watch xmen?
Alex says:
yeah, if you haven't seen it
tony says:
it didnt have an original idea in the whole film.. al u truly disgust and dissapoint me
tony says:
the suits.. stolen from the video game halo
tony says:
the weapon of mass destruction... stolen from the day the earth stood still
tony says:
the destruction of france.. stolen from team america world police.. they destroyed more than 18 city blocks!
Shellie the Shiv says:
Can i just say, I fell asleep in the last action scene. I NEVER fall asleep in movies. Unconciousness was better than that gargage.
Shellie the Shiv says:
HAHAHA...team america!
tony says:
duke an obvious john cena knockoff
Alex says:
its gi joe, have you seen a gi joe episode lately? they had super ray beams that would transform snakes and pythons into fighter planes
tony says:
that may be so but al u cant fall asleep in an action scene
tony says:
u cant
tony says:
shellie drives deathproof the car!
tony says:
she doesnt fall asleep!
Alex says:
I think our readers need to know that Ivan and Tony went to see 500 days of summer hours prior to watching this modern remake of a Hasbro classic
tony says:
IT HAD THE KID FROM TROPIC THUNDER!
tony says:
what does that mean al?
Ivan says:
I would also like for Alphonse to clarify
Alex says:
you know wot?! you two go watch your indie films
Alex says:
I'm taking over summer blockbuster reviews
Alex says:
theres a segment of RSR for indie reviews.....DAAAAT AH WAY! ---->
tony says:
sigh
Alex says:
I'm glad that kid form Tropic thunder has a career
Alex says:
but I liked half-squat better
Ivan says:
Whether a movie is indie or not has nothing to do with the review. First of all JGL was featured in both movies, so let's not pretend that 500 Days was some low-budget trailer park, basement quality flick. Second of all, F U AL
Shellie the Shiv says:
I think even the little boys sitting in front of me were bored to tears, and may have started discussing indie films to alleviate the pain.
Alex says:
those weren't little kids
Alex says:
they were munchkins
Shellie the Shiv says:
Hmm...they did have lollipops and funny hair dos...that explains a lot
Shellie the Shiv says:
Do you know what sealed the deal for me? When the one badass in the movie....turned into a not badass! The baroness! She was awesome!
tony says:
YES shellie makes an excellent point
tony says:
the baroness character was destroyed so badly.. it was the equivalent to a ninja turtles movie that just for whatever reason decided to make raphael a dog
tony says:
oh guys how much do u care about the history of snakeyes and cobra commander?
Ivan says:
><
Ivan says:
that much
tony says:
i care more about whats happening on CSPAN right now
Shellie the Shiv says:
Wait, which one was cobra commander?
tony says:
the mad scientist who turned into darth vader at the end
Shellie the Shiv says:
(This is how much i didnt pay attention)
Ivan says:
I'll be right back, I'm just gonna go check CSPAN! thanks tony!
tony says:
record it for me ivan
Shellie the Shiv says:
oh the boy from third rock from the sun! that show > GI joe
Ivan says:
ok, i'm back. that was exhilarating!
tony says:
al how can u take a film that has a wayan brother giving advice.. seriously?
Alex says:
I thought he restrained his usual racial passive self of a douche bag and did a stellar job portraying ripcord
Alex says:
what did you guys watch when you were young? JEM?
Ivan says:
I watched fn GI mother fn JOEs and Transfreakingformers
Ivan says:
not these abominations of movies
Shellie the Shiv says:
Jem > GI Joe
Ivan says:
F U HOLLYWOOD. and you too hasbro
tony says:
we watched g i joes.. we watched them fight and destroy crap.. we did not watch for their individual histories and advice.. i turned it off on the "knowing is half the battle" part
tony says:
hasbro is dead to me
tony says:
dead
Shellie the Shiv says:
Didn't the wayans guy play a clown on some show?
tony says:
they are all clowns.. but i think u mean in living color
tony says:
a little piece of my childhood died.. when i saw snakeyes crappy suit
Alex says:
oh please, you didn't even know he did not have a mouth in his original suit
tony says:
i didnt even mention the baroness's costume.. sparkles?!?!?! just let me get hit by a car now
tony says:
oh and robot fish were in it.. stolen from terminator
Shellie the Shiv says:
Hey, I liked the sparkles. They should have bedazzled her whole costume
Shellie the Shiv says:
Stayed with the theme of the movie.
tony says:
oh kill me now please
tony says:
OH i didnt even mention the BIGGEST rage inducing thing about the film... remember when speed racer ended? they played a updated version of the speed racer song.. same as transformers.. and other movies.. when this peice of turd ended.. what did they play?
tony says:
yes the black eyed effin peas
tony says:
oh im gonna go slash wrists now.. see ya
Ivan says:
This is clearly another example of hollywood capitalizing on our childhood. Take a great franchise, use the name, throw it in a blender with wayans brothers, john cena look alikes, sparkles, some rubbish story lines and you've got yourself one hell of a flick!
Shellie the Shiv says:
HAHAHAHA
Shellie the Shiv says:
What black eyed peas song was it? THat makes a difference
Alex says:
I wanted gi joe 2: revenge of the cobra
Alex says:
COBRA LA LA LA LA LA LA
tony says:
no shellie.. it makes no difference.. but its the one that goes BOOM BOOM BOOM.. oh wait! they all do!
Shellie the Shiv says:
Oh yeah, that's crap. But still probably the highlight of the movie for me.
Shellie the Shiv says:
Because it meant it was over.
tony says:
touche
tony says:
but for the record.. i would sacrifice my life if it meant that they couldnt make music anymore
Shellie the Shiv says:
Better than closing out with Lady Gaga.
tony says:
lose-lose
tony says:
al what has happened to u man?
tony says:
i mean i got dumber too.. but not retardly nimrod moronic dumb
Alex says:
I don't know what you're talking about, they'll never make the gi joe you'd want, in fact they'll never make the movie you imagine. Just wait till WoW comes out
Alex says:
Rise of cobra was well executed for what it was
tony says:
sigh.. shellie drive over in your deathproof car and end me.. i think he has a point
Alex says:
Revenge of Cobra 2010! COOOOBRAAAAAAAA
Shellie the Shiv says:
Im about to run myself over.
Shellie the Shiv says:
Seriously, speechless.
tony says:
2.5/10 for me.. it was like watching dragonball again..
Ivan says:
I didn't even want to bring this up, but i will. The last 20 minutes of the movie reminded me of the worst soap opera imaginable. Rather than follow the events of one awesome story or character, why not have the audience follow 5 piss poor action sequences? It'll be great. We'll have wayans brother flying a plane blowing missles out of the sky, and then we'll have john cena and traitoress chase evil guys pretending to be destro and cobra commander (honestly, if you showed me those two twats and told me to guess who they would be acting as in the GI JOE movie, i would tell you to shove it up your...), and then snake eyes will be fighting his evil arch nemesis to the death, while the president is being replaced by an imperstinator, and let's throw in some Dennis Quaid for good measure!
tony says:
AMEN!!!
Shellie the Shiv says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Amen Ivan! The last 20 minutes were seriously painful. I think. I can't remember because I was dreaming about watching a halfway decent movie.
Alex says:
last 20 mins was star wars
Alex says:
a lot of characters, a lot of action, everyone got screen time, they kept to the origin stories pretty well, wot more do you want?
Shellie the Shiv says:
good actors?
tony says:
good action?
Ivan says:
less screen time?
tony says:
no origins?
tony says:
i want all those things
Shellie the Shiv says:
better story line?
tony says:
ok lets wrap this up before i go into a self induced coma
Ivan says:
agreed friend
Ivan says:
2/10 and thank you Shellie!
Alex says:
so you want GI JOE: Origins: Snake Eyes
tony says:
i want GI JOE: NO ORIGIN
Shellie the Shiv says:
GI JOE: The 5 minute origin
Ivan says:
No, i want Duke to kick the everliving crap out of Cobra Commander. I want to see Destro get his metal head bashed in by Snake Eyes. I want it all!
tony says:
when u are a kid.. and u watched a cartoon.. and u want the origin of something.. then that is the first of 5 signs that u are a douchebag
tony says:
i never ever watched inspector gadget and gone, "oh gee how the heck did that dr. claw get his nickname? gee where was penny's computer book manufactured? i wonder if Dr. claw's cat is neutered"
Shellie the Shiv says:
2/10...and that's being generous
Ivan says:
we've got big hearts, that's the way we are
tony says:
i give al 1/10
tony says:
again
Ivan says:
ditto for me
Shellie the Shiv says:
i give al 10/10 for trying to defend this piece of crap
tony says:
al out of 10? this is gonna be funny
Alex says:
7!
tony says:
7/10?!!??!!
Alex says:
this film was worth the monies I paid!
tony says:
shellie deathproof over my neck.. now!
Shellie the Shiv says:
I'm on my way. I'd be willing to put you out of your misery for this noble of a cause.
tony says:
hey ivan how did we start saying that shellie drives deathproof?
Ivan says:
we were just thinking about people that would never, ever be suspected of having a badass car, but they are so badass that they would indeed drive such vehicles (but not drive them like douchebags)
tony says:
al in a way u are a legend.. im kinda agreeing with shellie here that u get a 10/10 for ur defense
Alex says:
I could go on, but no one is listening
Shellie the Shiv says:
And why would you not suspect I have a badass car? I'm effing Stephanie Tanner!

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: cobra commander
Tony's Pick: me for staying for the whole duration
Ivan's Pick: General Hawk for having the guts to put John Cena and Wayans brother on his elite team
Shellie's Pick: Scarlet

Line of the Movie:
Al: "Call me Commander!"
Tony: that tripe that scarlet said about emotions and science
Ivan: "He doesn't talk "
Shellie: the first line of the closing credits.

NOTE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT JEM WAS AT THE TIME.. I HAVE SINCE YOUTUBED THIS CARTOON.. AND AM CURRENTLY IN CRITICAL TO SERIOUS CONDITION.

(500) Days of Summer

IT IS AN HONOUR TO BE JOINED BY OUR GOOD FRIEND KRISTA, FOR THE REVIEW OF 500 DAYS OF SUMMER!


tony says:
ok let me start this by taking a quote from the brilliant movie Rounders: In the poker game of life, women are the rake.
Krista says:
And men are the hoe.
Ivan says:
the rake!
Krista says:
Is that how it goes?
tony says:
present company excluded
tony says:
but no there was no hoe part
Krista says:
I must have just added that part then.
Ivan says:
indeed
tony says:
the film itself shows this to a tee
Krista says:
No, I disagree. What it actually shows to a tee is that boys are dumb.
tony says:
hold that thought krista
Krista says:
Okay
tony says:
let me just get the review of the movie outta the way... this was an AWESOME film.. probably the best film i seen this year...
tony says:
i have no negative thing to say about the film
tony says:
anyone who's seen this will know of all the cool things about it so i won't get into that.. this was personal to me
Ivan says:
The film was great. I was pleasantly surprised and the kid from Third Rock has grown into a man (minus the neanderthalic haircut)
Krista says:
Definitely a hair improvement from the 3rd Rock days though.
Krista says:
Patrick says to write that he liked the movie too.
tony says:
i dont like your views on the film
tony says:
krista
Ivan says:
Whoa, review of the movie over?
Krista says:
Well, we have something in common then, 'cause I don't like your views on the film.
Krista says:
Tony.
Ivan says:
Ouch!
tony says:
i told you.. this one is personal... and i need to convince krista that zooey was a cold hearted harpy
Krista says:
Actually, it's not so much that I don't like them as that I think they're wrong.
tony says:
i can admit that the guy was kinda a douche sometimes.. u cant admit that she was the anti-christ? i dont get it
Krista says:
I don't think you'll convince me.
Ivan says:
Zooey played the part of the heartbreaker perfectly. And yes, JGL was a freaking moron in the film, nobody will say otherwise.
Krista says:
She was just living her life. She never asked him to get involved in it.
tony says:
SHE DID
tony says:
when she kissed him
tony says:
done
Ivan says:
Not only did she not ask him to get involved, she hijacked him and took him on the ride of his life
Ivan says:
Harpy!
Krista says:
And she was really up front about it from the start that she didn't want anything serious / a boyfriend.
tony says:
thats fine. then dont turn things serious.
tony says:
which she did
Krista says:
No, HE did.
tony says:
what?!
tony says:
did we watch the same film?
Krista says:
He was the one asking her to give him something she wasn't able to give him.
Krista says:
Their first real talk (when the buddy was drunk), she told him she didn't believe in love. He should have put it to rest right there and walked away.
Ivan says:
Let's check the list:
- Kiss him in the copy room? Check
- Go shopping at IKEA? Check
- Rent dirty movies? Check
Ivan says:
WINNAR!
tony says:
ok um lets see... initiate first kiss.. check... initiate first sexual encounter... check... initiate first rental of porn.. check... initiate false invites to parties and what not.. check... lead guy on for 400 + days.. check..
Ivan says:
hhaha awesome!!!
tony says:
great minds think alike
Krista says:
If those 3 things mean you need to marry someone, then a lot of people are in big trouble!
tony says:
im saying she made it serious!
Krista says:
No she didn't.
Krista says:
Kissing someone doesn't mean it's serious to a lot of people. And to her, she was up front that it wasn't.
Ivan says:
You do not need any of those things to marry anyone. If anything, you avoid someone who does those things.
Ivan says:
She was more confusing that a 4 sided rubix cube
tony says:
krista.. if it wasnt for her.. he'd just be her friend.. SHE KISSED HIM... i have some friends.. i dont kiss ANY of them..
Ivan says:
The movie was also funny.
Krista says:
I think she was trying to see if there was anything there. She tried, her heart wasn't ever really in it. She was honest about that, but did try - I think for his sake because she could see he was so serious about it - but there wasn't.
Krista says:
Yes - it was definitely also funny.
tony says:
the bottom line is this: and i'm serious here... he loved her.. she knew it.. she chose not to really stop it.. why?.. 'cause she loves being loved...
Krista says:
And props for the 4 sided rubix cube reference Ivan.
Krista says:
NOPE
Krista says:
She did not. You're pretending she's Jillian from Bachelorette and she's VERY different from her.
tony says:
there is no reason for any of what she did.. but she loved being loved.. thats all..
Krista says:
No she didn't! She wasn't happy with the situation and tried to get out of it. She told him a number of times she didn't want anything and didn't love him. She even quit her job to be away from him, and eventually married someone else. How much more can you do to be clear? She can only do so much. Joseph G. Levitt's gotta take the hint eventually.
tony says:
gimme a break
Krista says:
You're making it like the boy had no choices. He had a million clues and chances to cut and run, but wouldn't.
Ivan says:
ok. 5 minutes pause.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha. Okay!
tony says:
it's just mixed messages..
tony says:
u know whats better than a hint? "it's over.. i dont love you.. "
Krista says:
She did like him. Just not the way he wanted her to.
tony says:
but she says "i dont love u.. but i want to string u along as far as i can"
Krista says:
He could have left at any time.
Ivan says:
He couldn't, though. He loved her.
Krista says:
She never lied to him.
Krista says:
she didn't love him, she told him that.
tony says:
i think we have to agree to disagree
Krista says:
He was hoping she'd change, but people don't change like that.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha h ah ah ah. Yeah - something tells me \
Ivan says:
He was in it for real. And she was a liar. She said she didn't believe in all sorts of things (love, boyfriends and blah blah blah). In less than 100 days she managed to change.
tony says:
i guess its ok to destroy someone if you're just selfishly trying to see if things will change for you
Ivan says:
Agreed Tony
Krista says:
Because she met the right person.
Ivan says:
We don't know that.
Ivan says:
I'm calling it a draw.
Krista says:
When you meet the right person, they can make you believe in that stuff.
Ivan says:
She's just a twisted person to begin with though.
Krista says:
That's what the movie was insinuating. She was genuinely happy.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ah! She is a bit weird, yeah.
tony says:
she is awesome.. just mean... why wait 400 + days to tell someone they arnt right? because she loves the feeling of being loved.. until she can find the right one
tony says:
she was just using him
Krista says:
No, because she doesn't know that love does exist because she hasn't experienced it yet.
Ivan says:
Harpy.
tony says:
"we can still be best friends" F U
Ivan says:
I'm just glad JGL was able to recover and make things right for himself.
tony says:
it was always clear that he wanted to be more than friends.. she knew this.. any normal person would say "gee if he wants me to become more than a friend.. maybe i shouldnt kiss and and sleep with the guy"
tony says:
am i wrong?
Ivan says:
Nope.
Ivan says:
It was a painful story.
tony says:
it was heartbreaking.. i feel him man.. poor guy... at least in 3rd rock he was an alien
Krista says:
It was a learning experience for him and he'll be a better, wiser person for it now. He's back on his feet and will find someone who wants the same things from him as he wants from them.
Ivan says:
Yeah, aliens don't feel anything.
Krista says:
He'll realize that a real relationship goes both ways and will see that he was a dolt.
Ivan says:
And Zooey will become a fat, bitter, lonely... good movie.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha! No she won't.
tony says:
this is the most serious review we've ever done.. and you know what? i'm glad zooey was a harpy... it just makes me love sarah polley that much more
Krista says:
Yes - that's true!
Ivan says:
No changing of the guard!
Ivan says:
F CHANGE!
Krista says:
No changing of the guard!!
Krista says:
HA!
tony says:
ok 9.5/10 for me
Krista says:
How would you have felt if Polley was Zooey's character?
Krista says:
8/10 for me
tony says:
loved the film.. so painful tho
Ivan says:
9/10!
tony says:
if polley was zooey i woulda felt exactly like JGL did.. hurt but still in love.. u cant ever get rid of those feelings
Krista says:
I see.
Krista says:
High ratings!

The Chelios Heart Award
Krista's Pick: Rachel, the little sister gets tied with curly haired best friend for heart.
Tony's Pick: the sister
Ivan's Pick: the sister

Line of the Movie:
Krista: The one about the cockroach shaped splotch on her neck.
Tony: "love? well shit.. i dunno"
Ivan: "I don't know how to tell you this, but there's a Chinese family in our bathroom. "


Krista says:
HA HA HA AH! Yeah the chinese family - that part was REALLY funny.
tony says:
roses are read violets are blue
Ivan says:
...
Ivan says:
awesome!
tony says:
krista thanks for doing this! you rock!
Krista says:
Favourite scene: dance / Han Solo scene
tony says:
we dont favourite scenes!
Ivan says:
rofl
tony says:
HAHAHAHA
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha! I do.
tony says:
shes takin over our site!
Krista says:
HA HA HA AH HA!
Ivan says:
She does what she wants!
Ivan says:
Reminds me of someone
Krista says:
Thanks for having me!
Ivan says:
thank you for joining us!
Krista says:
HA HA HA AH AH! I am a kindred of Zooey's.
tony says:
NOOOOO! LEAVE NOW!
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
tony says:
NO!!!
Ivan says:
of the same ilk?
tony says:
KRISTA WE CANNOT HANG OUT ANYMORE!! PATRICK I GOT YOUR BACK!
Krista says:
A bit - then I found Patrick and it all changed!
Krista says:
Awwwww....
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ah ah ah ah.
tony says:
YUCK
tony says:
i give krista 1/10
Krista says:
HA!
Krista says:
I give you .3 out of 100.
Ivan says:
I hate this fn song!!!
Ivan says:
Sir, you need to get off the bus
Krista says:
HA HA AH AH !
Krista says:
Also a great line.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

We are joined by Shellie the Shiv, a friend and mobster from the Salt Lake State, to review the dumbest of all the Potter films. Enjoy!

tony says:
ok shells what did u think of the half blood prince?
Shellie the says:
wait, are we starting? i need some warning.
tony says:
this is how we roll!
Shellie the Shiv says:
ok ok...i cant work under these conditions. but....it was very slow, yes?
tony says:
oh it was super slow
tony says:
it was probably the worst harry potter film i've ever seen
Shellie the Shiv says:
i mean, i was on the edge of my seat for the first 5 movies, but this one...i was bordering on stabbing myself in the eye.
tony says:
so would you agree with me that it was the worst?
Shellie the Shiv says:
Oh yes. Definitely.
Shellie the Shiv says:
BUT...I did find my new idol in this movie.
tony says:
who was this idol?
Shellie the Shiv says:
Lavendar Brown. That girl knows how to get what she wants!
tony says:
she was terrible!
Shellie the Shiv says:
And who wouldn't want a hot little ginger like Ron.
Shellie the Shiv says:
Terribly....awesome?
tony says:
"hi ron"
tony says:
"hi ron"
tony says:
induce vomitting
Shellie the Shiv says:
Persistence.
Shellie the Shiv says:
Ok, so would you want her to be more like Hermione? And send evil canaries at your head?
tony says:
hmm.. good point...
tony says:
BUT
tony says:
this brings up another huge issue i had with the film...
tony says:
if we're sitting here talking about lavender and evil canaries... how crappy really was this film?!
Shellie the Shiv says:
Hahaha...extremely crappy. And I love Harry Potter. Okay, best like of the film: "Did you and Ginny do it?" I almost fell out of my seat.
tony says:
that was pretty funny but come on shellie... it was a film where really nothing at all happens until the very end
tony says:
it needed WAY more bellatrix
tony says:
and way less ginger kids
tony says:
and WAY WAY less relationships with ginger kids
Shellie the Shiv says:
But honestly, even the ending was less than dramatic. The whole Dumbledore death scene was excruciatingly boring.
tony says:
see thats true too... i literally had to convince my brain that my throat was parched.. so i had an excuse to leave the theatre to get a drink
Shellie the Shiv says:
I willed all available fluids in my body to my bladder so I could escape to the bathroom.
tony says:
see! just a terrible film.. was the book like this?
Shellie the Shiv says:
The book was really slow...but the Dumbledore scene with the stupid potion crap was a lot better. Like, he was acting like a madman...now that would have been entertaining!
tony says:
ok al is here im making him join in
tony says:
ok al we have made a lot of comments already on the film.. since u just got here.. what did u think of it?
Alex says:
worst potter film EVAR
Shellie the Shiv says:
Amen brother
Alex says:
it was like watching a 2hr trailer for the last two films
tony says:
is this an overall consensus? do u think anyone out there liked it?
Shellie the Shiv says:
I know people out there liked it. But they're die hard Potter fans that can't admit defeat.
Alex says:
I think ppl liked it just because its a potter film
Alex says:
oh well, wait for the last ones
tony says:
i really felt like it was a crappy 2 -hr wizard special episode of degrassi high
Shellie the Shiv says:
Wtf is degrassi high?
Alex says:
canadian highschool melodrama
tony says:
what is degrassi high?!?!!?
Alex says:
don't worry I don't watch it either
Shellie the Shiv says:
Don't yell at me! I'm American!
tony says:
ok hmmm.. 2 hr wizard special episode of.. one tree hill?
tony says:
is that better?
Shellie the Shiv says:
.............................
Shellie the Shiv says:
OKay, let me just say Dumbledore should have gone out in a blaze of glory and I was very saddened by the way they depicted his death. That is all.
tony says:
but seriously im really tired of the relation/emotion side of harry potter.. we seen this crap for 5 movies already.. when is voldemort and others gonna start blowing things up?.. the dude is supposed to be a badass no?
Shellie the Shiv says:
This is not Transformers. There's no Megan Fox bending over a motorcycle. Wait for it.
Alex says:
well if I had my way of the potter films, everyone would be strapping wands and dual weilding them and doing side dives while shooting death curses
Shellie the Shiv says:
Death curses at Megan Fox?
Alex says:
neva!
Shellie the Shiv says:
I would give that two thumbs up for sure.
tony says:
if megan fox was in it... i'd torture curse myself
Shellie the Shiv says:
Is there a spell to cause blindness and deafness? That's what I would need.
tony says:
there must be... al would polyjuice to become shia
tony says:
sigh
Shellie the Shiv says:
Or maybe polyjuice himself to become the funny little dog-robot?
Alex says:
love potion, don't need polyjooze
tony says:
u sicken me
tony says:
shellie u fail for bringing up that harpy
Shellie the Shiv says:
See! Lavendar is his idol too! Or was that Romilda Vane?
Shellie the Shiv says:
I just had to get one jab in....you can't blame me for that Tony.
tony says:
i can and i will!
tony says:
oh i want to give props to luna in the movie..
tony says:
ok so im giving this potter film a 3.5/10 it needs to be covered by the cloak of invisibility
Shellie the Shiv says:
I give it 5.4/10. The extra .4 is for the awesome shoe tying moment between Harry and Ginny.
Alex says:
that was just strange
tony says:
al do u get what she means? she told me in the states people giggled at that part.. u guys need to grow up!
Alex says:
3/10 for me
Shellie the Shiv says:
I was in a theater full of 14 year old boys, maybe that's why.

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Dumbledore
Tony's Pick: Luna
Shellie's Pick: Lavender

Line of the Movie:
Al: I don't remember
Tony: anything luna said
Shellie: "did you and ginny do it?"

A Perfect Getaway

Ivan says:
before we start
Ivan says:
that Kale guy
Ivan says:
was in Star Trek! he was george kirk at the beginning!
Ivan says:
and he will be THOR in the avengers and THOR movie
Ivan says:
yeah WTF i know
tony says:
his girlfriend in this movie had crazy eyes
Ivan says:
yeah, you gotta stay away from people that look like that
tony says:
i dunno man i kinda liked her
tony says:
she was badass in her own right
Alex says:
you like crazy
Ivan says:
did you know that tim olyphant was actually born in hawaii!
Ivan says:
IM FULL OF FUN FACTS
Alex says:
crazy to hott graph?
Ivan says:
al's been watching his How I Met Your Mother
Alex says:
oh touche
tony says:
ok enough with graphs and facts.. how'd u guys like this film?... i must say for a last second decision to watch... i was pleasantly surprised
Alex says:
it was a good film, it had a lot of fun scenes and red snappers
Ivan says:
it was one of the best last second choices we've made
Ivan says:
take that GI JOE!
Ivan says:
red herring you jackass
Ivan says:
but good joke nonetheless al
Alex says:
CO...braaaaa....~
Ivan says:
LALALALALAL
tony says:
it felt intense without a lot of action... or was that just me?
Ivan says:
it was definintely not you
Ivan says:
i kept thinking "wow, no real action has occured, but i want to know WTF is gonna happen next!"
tony says:
i always felt at any second an arrow could swoop in
Alex says:
needed more waterfall scene
Alex says:
boobs, ass!
Ivan says:
Al was angry cuz they panned away from tim's ass
tony says:
i think deadwood has some good tim scenes
Alex says:
OLYPHANT IS HAWTNESS
Ivan says:
touche
tony says:
he's hard to kill
Alex says:
he really is
Ivan says:
Steve "my sister is on CNN" Zahn is so hard to believe sometimes since he's such an fn nimrod
tony says:
yeah zahn should stick to slapstick comedy
tony says:
but he wasnt terrible either
Ivan says:
no, he did well
Ivan says:
bravo sir!
tony says:
i'm still not sure how i feel about the twist... like it has blatant flaws.. so im not sure if maybe i just didnt understand something.. or if it was m night shamalan-esque
tony says:
thoughts?
Alex says:
I called it was them anyways
Ivan says:
I called it too freak!
Ivan says:
you know what it could be tony?
Alex says:
the red snappers
Ivan says:
it could be one of those movies that's so epic, that you need to watch it again to fully understand all the sublte (or blatant) details
Ivan says:
haha go eat some red snappers
tony says:
i dunno i think watching it again would help
tony says:
milla needs to kill more zombies
tony says:
and this film gets a 7.5/10 for me
tony says:
that is all
Ivan says:
yeah, she did have that crazy look in her eyes as well. She is one scary dude when she turns it on
Alex says:
mila is hawt anytime
Ivan says:
ooh, you brought it up a grade!
Ivan says:
i'll give it 8! take that
Alex says:
6.5/10 OUTSTANDING
tony says:
yeah the more i think of it the more i appreciate a lot of the things they DIDN'T do.. which made it good.. hahaha OUTSTANDING
Ivan says:
great flick! highly recommended by the boys at RSR
tony says:
one on one.. milla vs tim? who wins?.. both are hard to kill.. one has iced over 1000 zombies and counting..
Ivan says:
Tim
Ivan says:
everyday
tony says:
i go milla.. she air kicked a zombie dog once
Ivan says:
never saw it
Ivan says:
didn't happen
tony says:
i hate to be the guy to bring it up.. but the scenery in the film was awesome...
Ivan says:
it was fn beautiful!
Ivan says:
sheeet
Alex says:
mountainous boobs and lush valleyed ass of mila? sure
Ivan says:
you're sick al
Ivan says:
keep it up
Alex says:
thats a status achievement

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: goes to the EMT douche with the kayak, he turned the film around
Tony's Pick: the guy who brought the permits to zahn
Ivan's Pick: tim olymphant

Line of the Movie:
Al: "shake the bush!"
Tony: " OUTSTANDING!!"
Ivan: "i am really hard to kill"

tony says:
emt guy al?
tony says:
really?
Alex says:
yes!
Alex says:
he turned the film around!

Al's Review of Funny People

tony says:
ok wanna tell the good folks out there why we decided to write this review?
Ivan says:
This review was written with the sole intent to make Al look bad. Why you ask? Because his reviews as of late have sucked. A lot.
tony says:
more than a lot
Ivan says:
I believe you have some telling stats you'd like to share with our readers Tony
tony says:
lets just focus on the funny people review though
tony says:
yes i have crunched some numbers and found that in the review we used 1118 words... al used: 133 words
tony says:
thats 11.8 % of the review
Ivan says:
If there were 10 people writing the review, that would be an awesome contribution!
Ivan says:
But alas, there are 3 of us. And 90% of the review was carried by the two mules we like to call Tony and Ivan. What this number tells me is that AL is a diva.
tony says:
please explain
Ivan says:
You see, a diva is somebody who is really famous for doing stuff (like Al is famous for being Alphonse (Carlton) from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the perverted forensics guy from Dexter). The problem with divas is that they do nothing and expect everything!
Ivan says:
It makes no sense to regular joes like you and I (as well as our loyal readers), but divas don't see the world like we do. They see the world through special 3D goggles that grant their every wish. What happens when they don't get what they want? They throw a hissy fit, tantrum, you name it, and write piss-poor reviews to top it off.
tony says:
i agree 100%
tony says:
i mean i can understand if everything al wrote in this review was profound.. but lets take a look at some of his contributions
Ivan says:
Alex says in the review"He died for you a while back"
Ivan says:
who is Al referring to here? Jesus?
Ivan says:
i dont know either
tony says:
"should've been renamed stupid people"
this is the equivalent of a grade 1 calling his friend poop-breath
Ivan says:
no
Ivan says:
worse
Ivan says:
kids dont know what breath means
Ivan says:
it'd be like. "no, you're a stupid head!"
tony says:
poophead?
tony says:
he says "still crap" thanks for your two word contribution al.. i understand fully what u mean
tony says:
basically i've seen better journal responses for "what did you do for christmas?" from grade 2 morons
tony says:
"for chritsmaaz i seeen a satna claws"
Ivan says:
"this review is being falsely advertised"
-Al did make a solid point here.
our site is advertised to be "Three friends who try to watch a movie every Saturday, while desperately trying to grab the railing seats (for maximum leg comfort), do a simple yet epic review of the film being watched."
Ivan says: Only two people did a simple yet epic review of the film being watched (Funny People). One person did a simple review.
tony says:
so i'm giving al a 1/10... he basically couldve been replaced by a random word generator here tony says: woulda been more entertaining anyway
Ivan says:
I to am giving our friend Alphonse a 1/10. The review was our first since my triumphant return to Canada and it could have been legen - wait for it - dary!
Ivan says:
F U AL
tony says:
play him AL off keyboard cat!
Ivan says:
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUDN

Funny People

tony says:
SHAMPOO IS BETTER I CLEAN THE HAIR!! CONDITIONER IS BETTER I MAKE THE HAIR SILKY AND SMOOTH!
tony says:
ahhh Sandler used to me my hero
Ivan says:
LADY YOU'RE SCARING US
Alex says:
He died for you a while back
tony says:
he died when he made big daddy
Ivan says:
when did he make little nicky?
tony says:
i think after big daddy
Ivan says:
he died around then to me. i never saw big daddy back then
Alex says:
they should've put real sandler films as the movie posters
tony says:
did u guys kinda feel like this movie was a tribute to sandler's life?
Ivan says:
i did feel that for a moment
Ivan says:
that it was that
Alex says:
if he was dying!
tony says:
what did u guys think overall?
Alex says:
I think Apatow needs to go back to doing what he knows and leave this crap for someone who knows better
tony says:
yeah i agree.. it was an ok drama film.. but the way that they advertised the film.. and the for a film called funny people.. there were way too many people and way too little funny
Ivan says:
agreed
tony says:
if i wanted to watch stand up comedy.. i'd put on the comedy networks summer of stand up!
tony says:
which is excellent by the way
Ivan says:
i was literally expecting to leave the movie halfway to change my adult sized diaper
Ivan says:
but nothing
Ivan says:
it was good to see seth rogen acting though
Ivan says:
not just being in a movie
Ivan says:
but literally acting
Ivan says:
this review will contain many uses of the word literally
Alex says:
should've been renamed stupid people
tony says:
here's the dilenma though... if apatow does another movie like 40 year old knocked up.. he;'d be critisized for that too.. so i mean i think they just should have advertised it better
Ivan says:
but people will still know it's his films
Ivan says:
since he only uses the people on his friend's list to act in them
Ivan says:
you know what i think?
Ivan says:
i think he should just change his stupid name
Ivan says:
which by the way, i hate
Ivan says:
judd apatow
Ivan says:
wtf is that?
Ivan says:
sounds like an old woman
Ivan says:
f you old lady!
tony says:
lets get one thing straight.. i only tolerate apatow ;cause she's married to the wonderful Leslie Mann
Ivan says:
agreed!
Alex says:
its crap, lets face it, if this movie was by anyone else we'd be ripping it a new asshole
Ivan says:
haha
tony says:
no wait.. i mean i think it was a good film.. but we didnt know it was gonna be THAT type a film.. a serious movie about love and death..
Alex says:
still crap
tony says:
it was like ordering a cheeseburger but receiving a plate of valentine cinamon hearts..
Ivan says:
word. there were about 2 really good laughs that had me punching you in the arm tony. and i think several were jokes that we made funnier ourselves
tony says:
every REALLY funny part took place when they did stand-up comedy...
Ivan says:
yeah we were laughing way harder in the restaurant we went to afterwards about your diet cola and the rat
tony says:
HAHAHAHA
tony says:
i woulda tipped them 8 dollars.. but it was 7 because i saw a mouse
Ivan says:
we shoulda told those people next to us about it. as they began to eat their meal
tony says:
those people would've been ANGRY.. they were complaining about chilli peppers
Alex says:
they woulda demanded to be comped
Alex says:
the only good thing was seeing all the cameos
Ivan says:
not all of them
Ivan says:
did you really want to see S.S. i am not saying her name
tony says:
sarah silverman is NOT a good cameo.. sorry ivan i had to say it
Ivan says:
it's ok man
Ivan says:
yeah
Ivan says:
wtf is that by the way?
Ivan says:
who complains about their food?
Alex says:
so, the meal was awesome!
Ivan says:
unless there is pubic hair in your spaghetti
tony says:
hey sorry to get back to the film.. but did u guys realize that the asian sensation was not in this film? wtf? did they have a falling out?
Ivan says:
yeah! wtf
tony says:
and yeah the food was great
Ivan says:
he's just branching out at the momment
Ivan says:
doing a lot of other movies
Ivan says:
i loved my american burger
tony says:
the american burger made my heart flutter
Ivan says:
it was De - wait for it - licious!
Ivan says:
Dunja makes my heart flutter
tony says:
oh wtf?!
tony says:
do our reviews have LOVE SIDE PLOTS NOW?
tony says:
ANGER RISING!
Ivan says:
just like all these movies!
tony says:
but hi dunja
Ivan says:
did you know that Harold and Kumar 2 is about love?
Ivan says:
yeah i puked
Ivan says:
TWICE
Alex says:
this review is being falsely advertised
tony says:
i need love side plots like i need a swift knee to my windpipe
Alex says:
it could be arranged
Alex says:
JAGGAL KICK
Ivan says:
Tiger Knee!
Ivan says:
TIGER
tony says:
oh by all means.. next time we watch a movie and there is a strong love side plot.. can one of you please put me in the guillotine frontal choke hold until i fall asleep..?
Ivan says:
i will gladly do it
tony says:
thanks brother
Ivan says:
you got it
Ivan says:
only because you would do the same for me
Ivan says:
and i will also play you the F off
Alex says:
dropping my review to a 5.5 dick jokes / 10 for this one
Ivan says:
ok, i give this movie a 6 after this review
tony says:
i dunno what to give this film.. i didnt know that i was in for a meaning about life and death and love tony says: i feel like i got lied to by a pretty girl
Ivan says:
p.s. eric bana has a really funny accent
tony says:
oi!!
tony says:
so i'm giving this a confused 6.5 /10
Ivan says:
fair enough
tony says:
but i feel like it should be more
Ivan says:
any other night maybe
Ivan says:
after the rat incident
Alex says:
I was thinking Eric Bana was the shit, but I saw that preview for Time Travellers Wife
tony says:
bana was the man in munich!... rogen was good... leslie man is ALWAYS good... and sandler was my old hero tony says: man screw it.. 8/10 based on principle
Ivan says:
rofl
Ivan says:
stick to your guns
tony says:
i will fogive them duping me into thinking it was a comedy
tony says:
the meal after gets a 10/10
Ivan says:
i am happy with my mark
tony says:
the mouse i saw gets a 6/10
Ivan says:
even with the blown pop delivery and rat?
tony says:
yes
tony says:
it woulda been 4/10 without those things
Ivan says:
she wasn't even about to bring you a drink man
Ivan says:
lots of ratings tonight
tony says:
it made for a funny anecdote
Ivan says:
what about the dbag guy?
Ivan says:
i give him a 10/10 on the dbag-o-meter
Alex says:
the kak gawker?
tony says:
which dbag guy? the guy al's talking about?
Ivan says:
he gets a 10 alsow
Ivan says:
the guy with the girl
Ivan says:
in the dress shirt
Ivan says:
unbuttoned
tony says:
at the restaurant or the movie?
Ivan says:
restaurant
tony says:
oh good gravy.. he gets a 10
tony says:
the dbag in the movie aka jason shwartzman. gets an AL/10
tony says:
u can interpret that anyway u want
Ivan says:
agreed
tony says:
oh the doctor jokes were funny too
Ivan says:
the doctor could have been possibly the best character in the movie. i feel that he is ready to blow up on the big screen

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Leslie Mann
Tony's Pick: the kid in the theater that left during all the dumb love scenes... we can all learn from him
Ivan's Pick: Seth Rogen

Line of the Movie:
Al: "oh yeah, you're right, I have been a competitive, you're right I'm sorry...FUCK YOU IRA!"
Tony: " the otto is my lotto"
Ivan: "i have a cabinet that i bought 6 months ago from you guys"