Al's Review of Funny People

tony says:
ok wanna tell the good folks out there why we decided to write this review?
Ivan says:
This review was written with the sole intent to make Al look bad. Why you ask? Because his reviews as of late have sucked. A lot.
tony says:
more than a lot
Ivan says:
I believe you have some telling stats you'd like to share with our readers Tony
tony says:
lets just focus on the funny people review though
tony says:
yes i have crunched some numbers and found that in the review we used 1118 words... al used: 133 words
tony says:
thats 11.8 % of the review
Ivan says:
If there were 10 people writing the review, that would be an awesome contribution!
Ivan says:
But alas, there are 3 of us. And 90% of the review was carried by the two mules we like to call Tony and Ivan. What this number tells me is that AL is a diva.
tony says:
please explain
Ivan says:
You see, a diva is somebody who is really famous for doing stuff (like Al is famous for being Alphonse (Carlton) from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the perverted forensics guy from Dexter). The problem with divas is that they do nothing and expect everything!
Ivan says:
It makes no sense to regular joes like you and I (as well as our loyal readers), but divas don't see the world like we do. They see the world through special 3D goggles that grant their every wish. What happens when they don't get what they want? They throw a hissy fit, tantrum, you name it, and write piss-poor reviews to top it off.
tony says:
i agree 100%
tony says:
i mean i can understand if everything al wrote in this review was profound.. but lets take a look at some of his contributions
Ivan says:
Alex says in the review"He died for you a while back"
Ivan says:
who is Al referring to here? Jesus?
Ivan says:
i dont know either
tony says:
"should've been renamed stupid people"
this is the equivalent of a grade 1 calling his friend poop-breath
Ivan says:
no
Ivan says:
worse
Ivan says:
kids dont know what breath means
Ivan says:
it'd be like. "no, you're a stupid head!"
tony says:
poophead?
tony says:
he says "still crap" thanks for your two word contribution al.. i understand fully what u mean
tony says:
basically i've seen better journal responses for "what did you do for christmas?" from grade 2 morons
tony says:
"for chritsmaaz i seeen a satna claws"
Ivan says:
"this review is being falsely advertised"
-Al did make a solid point here.
our site is advertised to be "Three friends who try to watch a movie every Saturday, while desperately trying to grab the railing seats (for maximum leg comfort), do a simple yet epic review of the film being watched."
Ivan says: Only two people did a simple yet epic review of the film being watched (Funny People). One person did a simple review.
tony says:
so i'm giving al a 1/10... he basically couldve been replaced by a random word generator here tony says: woulda been more entertaining anyway
Ivan says:
I to am giving our friend Alphonse a 1/10. The review was our first since my triumphant return to Canada and it could have been legen - wait for it - dary!
Ivan says:
F U AL
tony says:
play him AL off keyboard cat!
Ivan says:
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUDN

Funny People

tony says:
SHAMPOO IS BETTER I CLEAN THE HAIR!! CONDITIONER IS BETTER I MAKE THE HAIR SILKY AND SMOOTH!
tony says:
ahhh Sandler used to me my hero
Ivan says:
LADY YOU'RE SCARING US
Alex says:
He died for you a while back
tony says:
he died when he made big daddy
Ivan says:
when did he make little nicky?
tony says:
i think after big daddy
Ivan says:
he died around then to me. i never saw big daddy back then
Alex says:
they should've put real sandler films as the movie posters
tony says:
did u guys kinda feel like this movie was a tribute to sandler's life?
Ivan says:
i did feel that for a moment
Ivan says:
that it was that
Alex says:
if he was dying!
tony says:
what did u guys think overall?
Alex says:
I think Apatow needs to go back to doing what he knows and leave this crap for someone who knows better
tony says:
yeah i agree.. it was an ok drama film.. but the way that they advertised the film.. and the for a film called funny people.. there were way too many people and way too little funny
Ivan says:
agreed
tony says:
if i wanted to watch stand up comedy.. i'd put on the comedy networks summer of stand up!
tony says:
which is excellent by the way
Ivan says:
i was literally expecting to leave the movie halfway to change my adult sized diaper
Ivan says:
but nothing
Ivan says:
it was good to see seth rogen acting though
Ivan says:
not just being in a movie
Ivan says:
but literally acting
Ivan says:
this review will contain many uses of the word literally
Alex says:
should've been renamed stupid people
tony says:
here's the dilenma though... if apatow does another movie like 40 year old knocked up.. he;'d be critisized for that too.. so i mean i think they just should have advertised it better
Ivan says:
but people will still know it's his films
Ivan says:
since he only uses the people on his friend's list to act in them
Ivan says:
you know what i think?
Ivan says:
i think he should just change his stupid name
Ivan says:
which by the way, i hate
Ivan says:
judd apatow
Ivan says:
wtf is that?
Ivan says:
sounds like an old woman
Ivan says:
f you old lady!
tony says:
lets get one thing straight.. i only tolerate apatow ;cause she's married to the wonderful Leslie Mann
Ivan says:
agreed!
Alex says:
its crap, lets face it, if this movie was by anyone else we'd be ripping it a new asshole
Ivan says:
haha
tony says:
no wait.. i mean i think it was a good film.. but we didnt know it was gonna be THAT type a film.. a serious movie about love and death..
Alex says:
still crap
tony says:
it was like ordering a cheeseburger but receiving a plate of valentine cinamon hearts..
Ivan says:
word. there were about 2 really good laughs that had me punching you in the arm tony. and i think several were jokes that we made funnier ourselves
tony says:
every REALLY funny part took place when they did stand-up comedy...
Ivan says:
yeah we were laughing way harder in the restaurant we went to afterwards about your diet cola and the rat
tony says:
HAHAHAHA
tony says:
i woulda tipped them 8 dollars.. but it was 7 because i saw a mouse
Ivan says:
we shoulda told those people next to us about it. as they began to eat their meal
tony says:
those people would've been ANGRY.. they were complaining about chilli peppers
Alex says:
they woulda demanded to be comped
Alex says:
the only good thing was seeing all the cameos
Ivan says:
not all of them
Ivan says:
did you really want to see S.S. i am not saying her name
tony says:
sarah silverman is NOT a good cameo.. sorry ivan i had to say it
Ivan says:
it's ok man
Ivan says:
yeah
Ivan says:
wtf is that by the way?
Ivan says:
who complains about their food?
Alex says:
so, the meal was awesome!
Ivan says:
unless there is pubic hair in your spaghetti
tony says:
hey sorry to get back to the film.. but did u guys realize that the asian sensation was not in this film? wtf? did they have a falling out?
Ivan says:
yeah! wtf
tony says:
and yeah the food was great
Ivan says:
he's just branching out at the momment
Ivan says:
doing a lot of other movies
Ivan says:
i loved my american burger
tony says:
the american burger made my heart flutter
Ivan says:
it was De - wait for it - licious!
Ivan says:
Dunja makes my heart flutter
tony says:
oh wtf?!
tony says:
do our reviews have LOVE SIDE PLOTS NOW?
tony says:
ANGER RISING!
Ivan says:
just like all these movies!
tony says:
but hi dunja
Ivan says:
did you know that Harold and Kumar 2 is about love?
Ivan says:
yeah i puked
Ivan says:
TWICE
Alex says:
this review is being falsely advertised
tony says:
i need love side plots like i need a swift knee to my windpipe
Alex says:
it could be arranged
Alex says:
JAGGAL KICK
Ivan says:
Tiger Knee!
Ivan says:
TIGER
tony says:
oh by all means.. next time we watch a movie and there is a strong love side plot.. can one of you please put me in the guillotine frontal choke hold until i fall asleep..?
Ivan says:
i will gladly do it
tony says:
thanks brother
Ivan says:
you got it
Ivan says:
only because you would do the same for me
Ivan says:
and i will also play you the F off
Alex says:
dropping my review to a 5.5 dick jokes / 10 for this one
Ivan says:
ok, i give this movie a 6 after this review
tony says:
i dunno what to give this film.. i didnt know that i was in for a meaning about life and death and love tony says: i feel like i got lied to by a pretty girl
Ivan says:
p.s. eric bana has a really funny accent
tony says:
oi!!
tony says:
so i'm giving this a confused 6.5 /10
Ivan says:
fair enough
tony says:
but i feel like it should be more
Ivan says:
any other night maybe
Ivan says:
after the rat incident
Alex says:
I was thinking Eric Bana was the shit, but I saw that preview for Time Travellers Wife
tony says:
bana was the man in munich!... rogen was good... leslie man is ALWAYS good... and sandler was my old hero tony says: man screw it.. 8/10 based on principle
Ivan says:
rofl
Ivan says:
stick to your guns
tony says:
i will fogive them duping me into thinking it was a comedy
tony says:
the meal after gets a 10/10
Ivan says:
i am happy with my mark
tony says:
the mouse i saw gets a 6/10
Ivan says:
even with the blown pop delivery and rat?
tony says:
yes
tony says:
it woulda been 4/10 without those things
Ivan says:
she wasn't even about to bring you a drink man
Ivan says:
lots of ratings tonight
tony says:
it made for a funny anecdote
Ivan says:
what about the dbag guy?
Ivan says:
i give him a 10/10 on the dbag-o-meter
Alex says:
the kak gawker?
tony says:
which dbag guy? the guy al's talking about?
Ivan says:
he gets a 10 alsow
Ivan says:
the guy with the girl
Ivan says:
in the dress shirt
Ivan says:
unbuttoned
tony says:
at the restaurant or the movie?
Ivan says:
restaurant
tony says:
oh good gravy.. he gets a 10
tony says:
the dbag in the movie aka jason shwartzman. gets an AL/10
tony says:
u can interpret that anyway u want
Ivan says:
agreed
tony says:
oh the doctor jokes were funny too
Ivan says:
the doctor could have been possibly the best character in the movie. i feel that he is ready to blow up on the big screen

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Leslie Mann
Tony's Pick: the kid in the theater that left during all the dumb love scenes... we can all learn from him
Ivan's Pick: Seth Rogen

Line of the Movie:
Al: "oh yeah, you're right, I have been a competitive, you're right I'm sorry...FUCK YOU IRA!"
Tony: " the otto is my lotto"
Ivan: "i have a cabinet that i bought 6 months ago from you guys"

The Hurt Locker

Alex says:
Why do they call it the hurt locker
tony says:
I think you should field this one
Alex says:
cuz its an allegory of the locker he's built around himself with his need for an adrenaline fix
Alex says:
review done
tony says:
seriously though.. whens the last time you seen a film this intense?
Alex says:
never
Alex says:
this movie is a rush, beginning to end
Alex says:
its an essay and the thesis is intensity, every segment is a closing arguement
Alex says:
DONE!
tony says:
i agree.. i literally had my hands on my head in a nervous stupor... i changed sitting positions every 3 minutes or so
Alex says:
seriously though, I liked how they had the follow up scenes after the adrenaline rush is over, and it shows them shaking and dealing with the stress
tony says:
yeah! the character's were great.. very real.. the main guy defines what it is to "doesn't afraid of anything"
tony says:
i have nothing bad to say about this film.. it was a it long.. but thats about it
Alex says:
I think hes too crazy to afraid of stuffs to be given that title
tony says:
see i dont think he IS crazy though.. he had too much heart
Alex says:
it was well executed, only bad thing was all the big stars got iced
tony says:
how did you feel when you saw kate from lost?
Alex says:
it was Kate, had Aaron with her too
tony says:
thats it? i thought u loved kate?
Alex says:
Jack > Kate
tony says:
for the first time in several reviews i totally agree with you
Alex says:
I give this film 8 IED / 10
tony says:
well i give hurt locker 8/10 solid.. but i don't like watching modern war films.. but no fault of the films
tony says:
al you're a wild man
Alex says:
look at this guy?! hes a wild man

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Owen
Tony's Pick: Will

Line of the Movie:
Al: "you know you can shoot ppl here, don't have to throw a wrench"
Tony: " that's something a wild man would say"

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Alex says:
TRANSFOOOORMA!!! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!
Ivan says:
CH CHU CHUAH CHA CAH
Alex says:
AUTOBAWTS WAGE THEIR BATTLE TO DESTROY THE EVIL FORCES OF.....
Ivan says:
that was me transforming into a crappy movie
Alex says:
DA DECEPTICONS!
tony says:
al shut up!
tony says:
i felt the way i felt when i saw the first transformers... GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!
Alex says:
I don't care what you haters say
Ivan says:
I don't care what you say either. But please, proceed
Alex says:
Michael Bay made an ART HOUSE FILM! and GIANT ROBOTS is his medium
Alex says:
he painted with Optimus Prime
Alex says:
PAINTED
tony says:
the prime was awesome.. i cant argue that
tony says:
but the only thing good about this film was the prime
Ivan says:
I think Al is confused. What he meant to say was "michal bay made a movie using microsoft paint"
tony says:
ivan u didnt even like the effects?
Ivan says:
the effects were cool
Ivan says:
remember that cool construction robot at the beginning, that rolled over everything?
Alex says:
I don't know who or what that was, but it was cool and Prime shot his face in
Alex says:
done
Ivan says:
i thought it would play some huge role in the movie (based on the previews). i was expecting it would roll halfway around the world before they stopped it, but it made if halfway down the block and that was that.. OMG it is the RISE OF THE CONSTRUCTOCONS!!! uhhh no it wasnt.. it wasnt..
Alex says:
uh, cuz he met the leader of the AUTOBAWTS!
Ivan says:
THEY TRICKED US WITH THE PREVIEW..
tony says:
but those scenes WERE cool though.. if you guys would allow me a few seconds to rant i think i can sum up this movie and why it sucks monkey turd.
Ivan says:
could i say a few things?
tony says:
please proceed
Alex says:
umm only in cybertronian please
Alex says:
ROBAWTS IN DISGUISE!
Alex says:
you're hearing that in my rooooobaaawt voice
Alex says:
in your head...
Alex says:
right now
Ivan says:
this is why i thought the movie was unsatisfactory:
1)too many resurrections. 1 battle res per movie is the limit
Alex says:
Prime didn't die, took a nap...tis all
Ivan says:
2)too much love. why is there any love/teenage drama occuring in a transformers movie? is this the same show we watched growing up? who gives a crap about shia ladouche moving away and going to college? show us Optimus Prime eating breakfast
Alex says:
those scenes juxtaposed the Robot carnivale, cuz any more, I would have died a syatisfied man, but died none the less.
Ivan says:
did al just say there was a robot carnival?
tony says:
did al just say juxtaposed?
Ivan says:
is it coming to brampton?
Alex says:
an ORGY OF AUTOBOTS VS DECEPTICONS
Ivan says:
i want cotton candy
Alex says:
F-YEAH!
tony says:
optimus was cool.. robots are cool.. humans in robot films are not.. MEAGAN FOX IN ANY MOVIE IS NOT COOL!!!! IT IS NOT COOL!!!!! Transformers was a like a graph of the sine curve.. it almost became cool and then went back to absolute garbage.. over and over again.. if u'll allow me to give u examples...
tony says:
here is what i felt throughout the film
tony says:
wow! optimus kicked ass there! holy crap! he ripped that guys head off.. OH WTF? meagan fox?!?!
tony says:
oh man optimus became a plane! hes rocking the crap out of megatron! WOW THIS IS EXTREME
tony says:
OH WTF MEAGAN FOX???!!
tony says:
OH YES!! AUTOBOTS WIN THIS IS GETTING INTENSE!! OH WTF MEAGAN FOX IN CREDITS????!!
Ivan says:
can i help? omg, that is the coolest robot dog ever! look at it kick ass! WTF are we watching meagan fox paint a motorcycle??? wtf is this an 80's whitesnake video? f you assholes!
tony says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Alex says:
I don't remember those scenes,
tony says:
meagan fox is the Yoko ono of good movies
tony says:
meaning she ruins them!
Ivan says:
she is the kirsten kreuk of summer 09
Alex says:
I only remember Prime, DUAL FUCKING WEILDING ENERGON BLADES AND RIPPING BLACKOUT'S FACE OFF!
Alex says:
WOT?! WOT?!
Ivan says:
you are more fortunate than we are al
tony says:
she makes kristen kreuk look like sarah polley.. and u wont ever see me write those two names together unless im saying "oh man i had a dream that sarah polley beat the crap out of kristen kreuk and killed her!"
Alex says:
you know what?! I ENJOYED MEAGAN FOX's POUTY FACE!
Alex says:
I SAID IT!
Alex says:
SCREW YOU!
tony says:
this review is over
Ivan says:
omg
Ivan says:
i wish i could convey my emotions better via msn
Alex says:
there was a MATRIX OF fn LEADERSHIP!
Ivan says:
my words don't do justice to the look i had on my face when al said that
Alex says:
JET OPTIMUS!
tony says:
did u look like clint eastwood in gran torino?
Ivan says:
yeah! but angrier
Ivan says:
and more old looking
tony says:
oh man!
Alex says:
GgggYYYYEEEETTTT OOOOPTTTIIIMUUUS!
tony says:
ok al gets once again a 1/10 from me... movie gets a 3/10.. it's effects were good.. but at a whopping 2 hr and 30 mins... its just too much meagan fox to take.. she is an absolute horror of an actress.
Alex says:
screw you fools,
Alex says:
Michael Bay's got the touch
Alex says:
After all is said and done,
He never walked, he never run
He's a Winner
Ivan says:
don't even bring "the touch" into this revieW!
Ivan says:
dont you dare!
Ivan says:
tony, edit that part out
Alex says:
DON"T YOU FN DARE!
Ivan says:
he's using the epic song from the real and only transormers movie from 1984
Alex says:
MATRIX OF LEADERSHIP!
Alex says:
DEVESTATOR TEABAG!
Ivan says:
ok al gets a 1/10 movie gets a 4/10 (+1 cuz i just saw bruno)
Alex says:
wait I get a rating? wtf
tony says:
not enough bumblebee too
Alex says:
I wanted
BUMBLE-MUS Prime
tony says:
now THAT would be cool
Alex says:
cuz he got the touch too
Ivan says:
omg
Ivan says:
i forgot
Ivan says:
about that fn paris hilton dog thing
Ivan says:
i want to vomit
Ivan says:
change my rating to a 2/10
Alex says:
leave mojo alone
Ivan says:
her "pet robot"
tony says:
i must have missed this
Ivan says:
the one she enslaves and puts in the box
Alex says:
Wheelie?
Ivan says:
yeah
tony says:
thats a dog?
Alex says:
but hes an autobot
Ivan says:
not a real dog
Ivan says:
but it's like a tribute to paris hilton
Alex says:
decepticons need love too
tony says:
ok stop stop... 2/10 .. thanks for the info
Ivan says:
how she has her gay dog and shit. well fox has that stupid robot thta falls in love with her
Alex says:
9/10!
Alex says:
WOT?! THATS MAH RATING?! TAKE YOU ALL ON!
tony says:
al u are not more than meets the eye.. u are a moron.
Ivan says:
ch chu chu che cha cha that was me tranforming my fist into an empty can of sprite
Ivan says:
careful al..


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Optimus Prime
Tony's Pick: Prime
Ivan: OP

Line of the Movie:
Al: "I"LL TAKE YOU ALL ON"
Tony: " one man, alone, abandoned by the country he loves!"
Ivan: " one man, alone, abandoned by the country he loves!"

Ivan says:
my 2nd heart is turturro... he was epic
tony says:
turturro can play any race!

The Hangover

tony says:
all i can say is.. how did the chicken get there?
Alex says:
it was birdknapped
Ivan says:
they never told us
Ivan says:
frankly, i don't give a crap anymore
tony says:
i want to know!
Ivan says:
i did want to know
Ivan says:
i passed the point of wanting to know
Alex says:
the chicken was Soundwave's minion
Alex says:
OH SHIT WRONG REVIEW
Ivan says:
Al GTFO
Ivan says:
but if somehow you found out, you'd have to tell me
tony says:
too much transformers!
tony says:
to be fair it has been a while since any of us watched this film
Ivan says:
quite true
tony says:
our long-term memories are ruined by video games
Alex says:
Why do they call it roofies? why not floories?
tony says:
re-tard
Ivan says:
retard?
tony says:
reh-tard
tony says:
would u guys agree tho.. that its nice to have a comedy without seth rogen et. al. in it for a change tony says:
im getting so sick of those guys
tony says:
and i do like the return of heather graham
tony says:
she had heart
Ivan says:
oh yeah! it was refreshing. seth rogen is like the stale bottle of Coke in my fridge. get me something new!
Ivan says:
she was awesome. nothing like a stripper with a heart of gold!
Alex says:
I want me one of those
tony says:
a heather graham?
Ivan says:
stale bottle of coke?
Ivan says:
wtf
Alex says:
stripper with a heart of gold
Ivan says:
Al is so ambiguous
tony says:
he is!
Alex says:
stale bottle of coke sounds good right now
tony says:
oh and the tyson
tony says:
thats all i remember.. reh-tard and the tyson
Ivan says:
mmm, touché
tony says:
but i know i DID laugh.. so i'll give it a 7-8/10
Ivan says:
ROFL Ivan says: that's it?
Ivan says:
hahha
Ivan says:
great review
Ivan says:
but i like it. a review in the style of a movie about not remembering the night before
Ivan says:
WE ARE SO WITTY
tony says:
PROFOUND!
Alex says:
wot about Mr.Lee?
Alex says:
SUCK MY ASIAN NUTS!!?!?!
tony says:
oh yeah!!! that guy!
Ivan says:
ok, so we dont remember the movie. here is what i recall
Ivan says:
tigers, missing tooth, and angry chinese dude
Ivan says:
done
tony says:
reh-tard, heather graham, tyson, and asian guy
tony says:
done
Ivan says:
ooh nice
Ivan says:
top that al!
Alex says:
ASS, TITS, MAN JUNK
Ivan says:
good enough
Ivan says:
i give it a 7.5
Alex says:
ELEVATOR BJ POLOROID FTL
Ivan says:
al gets a 5
Ivan says:
he did good
Alex says:
7.8/10
tony says:
al gets a 6 from me.. then he mentioned BJ and got a 4
Ivan says:
hahaha
Alex says:
BLOW JAY
tony says:
reh-tard
Ivan says:
you're a delta bravo al
Alex says:
OH WOT?! -2?
Alex says:
Do you smell it?
tony says:
smell what?
Alex says:
reeks of douche

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Beard Guy
Tony's Pick: Heather Graham
Ivan: Heather Graham

Line of the Movie:
Al: "IN DA FACE!"
Tony: "reh-tard"
Ivan: "todalooo muthafucka!"

17 Again!

Railing Seats very own Tony on vacation in Utah with his good friend and RSR's Utah Correspondence Denice. 17 Again was watched in Kaysville theatre, described in the review below.

Denice says:
zac efron
tony says:
ZAC EFRON HAS MAD BASKETBALL SKILLS! MAD!
Denice says:
i hear that wasn't even him playing in the movie. but i don't believe it.
tony says:
when i heard that i felt like i did when i heard santa wasn't real.. and i too don't believe either stories
Denice says:
well, if it wasn't him, my mind is BLOWN. this kid has some serious acting and dribbling skills. and he can spin a ball on his pinky. not even the dos equis guy can do that
tony says:
now wait just a minute!! i head that the dos equis guy FOUNDED the harlem globetrotters.. what are u saying denice?
Denice says:
i'm gonna make a bold assumption here.. .zac efron and dos equis guy ARE THE SAME PERSON. only the dos equis guy could have abs like zac's
tony says:
if that is true then the zac efron in this film is not the same zac efron in all the other zac efron features. i kinda felt the zac efron in this film was cg'd anyway.. at least his hair
Denice says:
only his 1989 hair
tony says:
thoughts on chandler bing?
Denice says:
all i have to say is i'm extremely disappointed with my life
tony says:
he was so dissapointed that he couldnt even put a hammoc up properly
but seriously i never thought that in my life time i'd watch a zac efron film and say it was anything more than horrible. but this one was ok.. i had some geniune laughs..
Denice says:
okay, but chandler had some heart. he was in a bad place and still tried to keep some guy from jumping off a bridge. .. .which in turn lead him to fall into a swirling watery time warp.
tony says:
he did have heart in that situation i agree!
Denice says:
oh,and ned. ned was the best for laughs. until he slapped Efron 4 times
tony says:
ned was my favourite in this film... if i jumped into a magic water time portal that AGED me and gave me lots of money.. i think i'd be Ned.
4 was too much heck 3 was too much. i agree
Denice says:
yeah, ned should learn to control his anger. he went off on efron a few times. efron deserves nothing but respect.
tony says:
i think you're in love with efron!..
Denice says:
he's a manboy
tony says:
which reminds me.. the young pre-teens watching behind us were bad enough with their screaming... but i missed half the film 'cause you couldnt control you're "ooohs and ahhhs"!
Denice says:
3 words - DOS EQUIS ABS. BUT when efron came on, all the teenage girls were going crazy. i was the only one who screamed when chandler came on the screen
tony says:
and THAT was heart! i give u a 10/10 for that. did u still feel the same when u found out that chandler was sorta a jerk?
Denice says:
i liked chandler the entire time because i knew that he would turn back into efron. .. .and efron's heart would change chandler's heart in the end. since they are the same heart. i totally mind blew myself there.
tony says:
i dont even know what movie we're reviewing anymore after the profoundness of that.
Denice says:
lets go rent high school musical and hairspray. thats how into efron i am now. posters, dolls, i'm getting them ALL!
tony says:
dolls!?!?!?!?!?
Denice says:
i am sure they make high school musical dolls with soft, flowing, emo bangs like efrons
tony says:
ok i think you're outta hand... ! what did u think of the actual movie? do not picture any abs
Denice says:
i honestly thought it was good. it was entertaining, funny, it held my interest the entire time. and the pre-game hand kiss, the letter he read in the court room that turned out to not be a letter at all but was just a sheet of paper with directions on it... .i cried. not real adult tears, but teenage dream tears. all heart. i love that manboy. there, i said it.
and i am not ashamed.
tony says:
nor should you be! but i still think he was cg'd.... and i myself agree that the film was not bad... i thought it would be a lot more horrible... but i ask you.. how much did the kaysville theatre vibe help the movie?
Denice says:
i am immune to the vibes of the kaysville theater, i've been around it too long. my opinion of the movie is not affected by the amazingness of the theater.
tony says:
that is a good point.. i still am gonna give bonus marks for the vibe tho... i'm giving this a 5/10 bumped up .5 because leslee mann was in it.. and bumped up another .5 for the theatre experience... so 6/10!
Denice says:
10/10. it would be a 6 but 2 extra points for dos equis abs, and 2 extra points for ned cuz i am pretty sure he needs them to get to the next level in halo.

The Chelios Heart Award

Denice's Pick: Zac Efron and his abs who have their own heart
Tony's Pick: Ned and Denice

Line of the Movie:

Denice: "I think our hands just made a baby" , "Bedazzled with rhinestones! ", and "Try to see things from my point of view, I'm really dissapointed with my life."
Tony: " you look like a douche" "I don't look like a douche" "What a douche!"

Kaysville, Utah Theater Experience

tony says:
kaysville theatre is legend status!
Denice says:
at least in kaysville
tony says:
i'm spreading the word throughout the planet... this is what movie going is all about.. i think any movie watched in there is instantly better
Denice says:
well, we have to have good theaters because, as you now know, there is nothing more to do in utah
tony says:
that's not true either!.. but for those of you who don't know.. Kaysville theatre shows a anti-littering public service announcement made in 1983 before every film.. at the end of the announcement we see a man drag gum all over the floor.. at which point the entire audience yesll "EWWWWW" in unison, this kind of tradition in movie watching is what every town should have!
Denice says:
everyone from kaysville knows you have to say ew. its like, we were born with a 6th sense about the PSA.
tony says:
it's true!!! and for that i'm giving the theatre experience 10/10.. and the PSA a 10/10 as well... i am loyal to the AMC in my hometown... but if we had something like this, i'd sell it out in a heartbeat
Denice says:
i'm still upset that they didn't show the cartoon man with the mustache telling you to use trash recepticals. he's legendary, too. and he has the best theme song EVER
tony says:
i think if i woulda came in and watched those two legendary PSA's one after another.. i may have suffered severe head trauma.. the one i did see was THAT good
Denice says:

its been known to happen. they have an emergency response team at the ready.
tony says:
so that's why the parking lot was full of ambulances!!

Land of the Lost

tony says:
ok because of the May Movie Mayhem, which is June now, our laziness, and the unspectacularness of the film, the review for The land of the lost is gonna be short... al did you like land of the lost? discuss
Alex says:
I liked it for a kids film, will farrel was not as annoying as I thought he'd be and there were some really funny parts (the cher song, soaking yourself in dino-piss, and tunic wearing lizards).
tony says:
i'm gonna do my review in form of haiku:

time paradoxes
actress looks like kate from lost
some laughter ensues
tony says:
5.5/10 for me
Alex says:
giving it a 6/10 for wholesome family fun, cept the mugs, cuz wth?


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Chaka
Tony's Pick: kate from lost

Line of the Movie:
Al: "I HOPE I GET IT!! I HOPE I GET IT!!"
Tony: " a second splash might help"

Up

tony says:
al are you UP for the review of UP?? cackle!
Alex says:
don't make fun of Up
Alex says:
Up is srs bsns
tony says:
up is a good movie.. no doubt.. but its the opening montage that gets you. You'd have to be a real evil person to not get emotionally attached to the characters right away.
Alex says:
made of stone
Alex says:
I shed man tears
Alex says:
and maybe even a regular tear
tony says:
i was close too. tony says: i don't think Pixar is capable of making bad movies though... which kinda ticks me off
Alex says:
Carl was a fuggin beast tho, in his advanced age, he can haul a house, beat of packs of stray dogs, and scale an inverse derigible
Alex says:
Pixar can do no wrong, maybe cars, haven't seen that one, talking cars?
tony says:
you keep telling me people liked cars though so.. who knows?
Alex says:
toy story 3 is coming out, its getting old, Pixar needs to do an original story every year
Alex says:
I liked that one kid in the theatre who asked if the old man was dead
tony says:
that kid rocked! and he was loud!
Alex says:
he's gonna grow up writing poetry and rocking mascara, or whatever the social equivalent will be when he reaches teenagedom
tony says:
you realize that this film has one of the most cruelist and cold-blooded villains of all time? the villian tried to ice the kid! he tried to shoot him! tony says: i can name 10 of the most viscious killers in film history that wouldnt have done that
Alex says:
well he killed all the other guys that came before, and kept their helmets...if it wasn't pixar, they'd be heads on a pike
tony says:
this is true tony says: i for one didnt like carl.. you only like him because you like his wife so much..
Alex says:
Carl was the shit!
Alex says:
I dun like that
tony says:
nah his ragtag crew was the best... and alpha
Alex says:
I want a talking dog
Alex says:
I do not like the representation of asians in this film....
tony says:
discuss
Alex says:
divorced parents, fat, and the dad didn't show up at the end
Alex says:
His dad's new girlfriend better be hawt
tony says:
i like the asian representation... first of all a lot of people dont even think the kid WAS asian... and yeah he was fat and had parental issues, but the guy was a wilderness adventurer.. not some bucktooth glasses wearing kid with an abacus..
Alex says:
thats just racist
tony says:
disney IS racist.. i still havent forgive them for mulan
Alex says:
Pixar doesn't equal to disney,
tony says:
ok the tactics to get you emotional in this film.. cheap or geniune?
Alex says:
both
Alex says:
no matter how cheap, it still gets you
tony says:
agreed
tony says:
but the film is solid! 9/10 for making me almost shed tears.. not as good as Wall-E
Alex says:
wall-e was racist
tony says:
against robots?
Alex says:
humanity
Alex says:
9/10 also, but I liked wall-e better too

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Doug
Tony's Pick: the kid

Line of the Movie:
Al: Doug: I" was hiding underneath your porch because I loove you"
Tony: everything alpha says

Terminator Salvation

tony says:
He's back but in CG form.. for that alone.. i puked
tony says:
in a bad way
Alex says:
circa 1980s
Ivan says:
I think I speak for all of us when I say that I HATE fluff
tony says:
there were so many things that was bad about this film though.. not just a CG'd arnold
Alex says:
I felt like I watched the matrix sequels
Ivan says:
oh yeah, before we start I'd like to make a request
Ivan says:
Can you guys heartpunch me when I come back to Canada?
Ivan says:
and then restart my heart, by pounding it some more?
tony says:
only if you promise to then give me said heart.. if i die
Ivan says:
If it saves your life and makes you the indestructible leader of the resistance, then yeah, I'll give you my fn heart
tony says:
scores!
Alex says:
ummm Moon Bloodgood
Alex says:
FUGGIN HAWT
Alex says:
thats all I got from the film
Ivan says:
Thank you for the contribution Al
Alex says:
np, anytime
Alex says:
thank MB
tony says:
she had a red streak on her eyes that made her look like cyclops!
Ivan says:
she fell in love with a robot Al
tony says:
yeah that too!
tony says:
u think it was the robot learning from her.. but really it was her that learned from the robot!
tony says:
OMG im intelligent
Alex says:
ummm its a cyborg, the only one of its kind
Alex says:
so this whole film is a time paradox
Alex says:
if Kyle died at any time during the film, Christian Bale would have de-materialized on screen
Ivan says:
Time paradoxes only work in the Metal Gear Solid franchise
tony says:
agreed... and how many times does bale have to tell people that he's john connor? that pissed me off
tony says:
THIS IS JOHN CONNOR.. THIS IS JOHN CONNOR.. THIS IS JOHN CONNOR...
we know!! shut up
Alex says:
I"M BATMAN
Ivan says:
He also tried to incorporate the Batman voice in this movie
Ivan says:
very upsetting
tony says:
vexing even
Ivan says:
I don't know about you guys, but i was able to call at least 25 scenes
Alex says:
Helena Bonham Carter as the face of Skynet?
Alex says:
don't like it
tony says:
agreed al.. on that, i do agree .. ok thoughts on the little girl in the film? in a post apocalyptic film.. i HATE it when there are kids... kids cost people lives... IMPORTANT people... i dont want to go into a terminator movie feeling sympathetic.. i want robots killing and exploding things!
Alex says:
this isn't a terminator movie
Ivan says:
yeah! I felt the same way. This movie in no way, shape or form felt like a terminator movie
Alex says:
its just a post-apocalyptic film about douche bags fighting rusty machines
Alex says:
they happened to be named Juunn Caaanuuuhhh
tony says:
the machines are dumb.. why even build those ghetto motorcycles and dumb snake things? why not just build a whole army of those HUGE decepticon-esque laser shooters?
Ivan says:
why not just drop a bunch of bombs on anything that breathes?
Ivan says:
GG
Alex says:
they're harvesters, thats all they're good for
Alex says:
the t-800 got looks, ahnold skin jobs, and can be sent back in time
tony says:
yeah but come on al..
and another thing! how did u guys feel about john connor jumping into the ocean and finding a submarine?.. i throat punched myself at that part.. and it didnt take the dumbness or the pain away.
tony says:
the ocean is vast... idiots
Ivan says:
and dark
Ivan says:
and freaking cold! Hey, I have an idea, let's try and find a needle in a haystack!
Alex says:
he's batman
tony says:
he is no longer batman to me.. until he does another batman film
Alex says:
batman can, john connor, nope
Alex says:
omgad
tony says:
batman would succeed in heart punching robots that didnt even have hearts
Ivan says:
I'm not a doctor or anything like that, but I'm pretty sure the odds of surviving a cross-species heart transplant in the middle of a filthy desert are astronomical
Alex says:
they're robots, its surgical !
tony says:
yeah but john connor isnt a robot!..... ass!
Ivan says:
Al is a sympathizer
Ivan says:
f you al!
Alex says:
I'm with Moon! hawtness
Ivan says:
I give Al a 1/10
tony says:
i give al 1/10 as well
Alex says:
both of you can suck my neural net powcessor.. its a lurning computah
tony says:
moon sold out connor!
tony says:
and why the hell does common have to be in every film?
Ivan says:
Oh wait, how could I forget about the cyber-fish
Ivan says:
WTF is that?
Ivan says:
are you kidding me?
Ivan says:
were they cyber-bugs too?
tony says:
i think yes!
tony says:
there was, they were scouts.
tony says:
insert throat punch here
Ivan says:
but really, metal fish?
Ivan says:
why?
tony says:
cause they had to make small ponds, puddles, streams, lakes, marshes, and fjords unsafe
tony says:
insert panther throat punch here
Ivan says:
inserting dragon throat punch!
tony says:
ok so i'm giving al a 1/10 and this movie a 4.5/10
Ivan says:
I'll give it a 5/10
tony says:
no more terminators! terminate this franchise
Alex says:
I give it a T2 Ahnuld sinking in lava thumbs down
Alex says:
I'm done with */10s
Ivan says:
The Terminator franchise ended in 1991. Let's leave it at that
Alex says:
2/10
Alex says:
1-Moon
2-Bloodgood
Alex says:
done
tony says:
i won't be back.. ever to watch a terminator film.. unless its just 3 hrs of terminator music

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Moon Bloodgood, cuz without her, no cyborg guy helping out
Tony's Pick: the guys heart literally
Ivan: robot terminator guy

Line of the Movie:
Al: "2 day old coyote, better than 3 day old coyote"
Tony: "this is john connor" x 25
Ivan: "your heart, it's so strong"