(500) Days of Summer

IT IS AN HONOUR TO BE JOINED BY OUR GOOD FRIEND KRISTA, FOR THE REVIEW OF 500 DAYS OF SUMMER!


tony says:
ok let me start this by taking a quote from the brilliant movie Rounders: In the poker game of life, women are the rake.
Krista says:
And men are the hoe.
Ivan says:
the rake!
Krista says:
Is that how it goes?
tony says:
present company excluded
tony says:
but no there was no hoe part
Krista says:
I must have just added that part then.
Ivan says:
indeed
tony says:
the film itself shows this to a tee
Krista says:
No, I disagree. What it actually shows to a tee is that boys are dumb.
tony says:
hold that thought krista
Krista says:
Okay
tony says:
let me just get the review of the movie outta the way... this was an AWESOME film.. probably the best film i seen this year...
tony says:
i have no negative thing to say about the film
tony says:
anyone who's seen this will know of all the cool things about it so i won't get into that.. this was personal to me
Ivan says:
The film was great. I was pleasantly surprised and the kid from Third Rock has grown into a man (minus the neanderthalic haircut)
Krista says:
Definitely a hair improvement from the 3rd Rock days though.
Krista says:
Patrick says to write that he liked the movie too.
tony says:
i dont like your views on the film
tony says:
krista
Ivan says:
Whoa, review of the movie over?
Krista says:
Well, we have something in common then, 'cause I don't like your views on the film.
Krista says:
Tony.
Ivan says:
Ouch!
tony says:
i told you.. this one is personal... and i need to convince krista that zooey was a cold hearted harpy
Krista says:
Actually, it's not so much that I don't like them as that I think they're wrong.
tony says:
i can admit that the guy was kinda a douche sometimes.. u cant admit that she was the anti-christ? i dont get it
Krista says:
I don't think you'll convince me.
Ivan says:
Zooey played the part of the heartbreaker perfectly. And yes, JGL was a freaking moron in the film, nobody will say otherwise.
Krista says:
She was just living her life. She never asked him to get involved in it.
tony says:
SHE DID
tony says:
when she kissed him
tony says:
done
Ivan says:
Not only did she not ask him to get involved, she hijacked him and took him on the ride of his life
Ivan says:
Harpy!
Krista says:
And she was really up front about it from the start that she didn't want anything serious / a boyfriend.
tony says:
thats fine. then dont turn things serious.
tony says:
which she did
Krista says:
No, HE did.
tony says:
what?!
tony says:
did we watch the same film?
Krista says:
He was the one asking her to give him something she wasn't able to give him.
Krista says:
Their first real talk (when the buddy was drunk), she told him she didn't believe in love. He should have put it to rest right there and walked away.
Ivan says:
Let's check the list:
- Kiss him in the copy room? Check
- Go shopping at IKEA? Check
- Rent dirty movies? Check
Ivan says:
WINNAR!
tony says:
ok um lets see... initiate first kiss.. check... initiate first sexual encounter... check... initiate first rental of porn.. check... initiate false invites to parties and what not.. check... lead guy on for 400 + days.. check..
Ivan says:
hhaha awesome!!!
tony says:
great minds think alike
Krista says:
If those 3 things mean you need to marry someone, then a lot of people are in big trouble!
tony says:
im saying she made it serious!
Krista says:
No she didn't.
Krista says:
Kissing someone doesn't mean it's serious to a lot of people. And to her, she was up front that it wasn't.
Ivan says:
You do not need any of those things to marry anyone. If anything, you avoid someone who does those things.
Ivan says:
She was more confusing that a 4 sided rubix cube
tony says:
krista.. if it wasnt for her.. he'd just be her friend.. SHE KISSED HIM... i have some friends.. i dont kiss ANY of them..
Ivan says:
The movie was also funny.
Krista says:
I think she was trying to see if there was anything there. She tried, her heart wasn't ever really in it. She was honest about that, but did try - I think for his sake because she could see he was so serious about it - but there wasn't.
Krista says:
Yes - it was definitely also funny.
tony says:
the bottom line is this: and i'm serious here... he loved her.. she knew it.. she chose not to really stop it.. why?.. 'cause she loves being loved...
Krista says:
And props for the 4 sided rubix cube reference Ivan.
Krista says:
NOPE
Krista says:
She did not. You're pretending she's Jillian from Bachelorette and she's VERY different from her.
tony says:
there is no reason for any of what she did.. but she loved being loved.. thats all..
Krista says:
No she didn't! She wasn't happy with the situation and tried to get out of it. She told him a number of times she didn't want anything and didn't love him. She even quit her job to be away from him, and eventually married someone else. How much more can you do to be clear? She can only do so much. Joseph G. Levitt's gotta take the hint eventually.
tony says:
gimme a break
Krista says:
You're making it like the boy had no choices. He had a million clues and chances to cut and run, but wouldn't.
Ivan says:
ok. 5 minutes pause.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha. Okay!
tony says:
it's just mixed messages..
tony says:
u know whats better than a hint? "it's over.. i dont love you.. "
Krista says:
She did like him. Just not the way he wanted her to.
tony says:
but she says "i dont love u.. but i want to string u along as far as i can"
Krista says:
He could have left at any time.
Ivan says:
He couldn't, though. He loved her.
Krista says:
She never lied to him.
Krista says:
she didn't love him, she told him that.
tony says:
i think we have to agree to disagree
Krista says:
He was hoping she'd change, but people don't change like that.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha h ah ah ah. Yeah - something tells me \
Ivan says:
He was in it for real. And she was a liar. She said she didn't believe in all sorts of things (love, boyfriends and blah blah blah). In less than 100 days she managed to change.
tony says:
i guess its ok to destroy someone if you're just selfishly trying to see if things will change for you
Ivan says:
Agreed Tony
Krista says:
Because she met the right person.
Ivan says:
We don't know that.
Ivan says:
I'm calling it a draw.
Krista says:
When you meet the right person, they can make you believe in that stuff.
Ivan says:
She's just a twisted person to begin with though.
Krista says:
That's what the movie was insinuating. She was genuinely happy.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ah! She is a bit weird, yeah.
tony says:
she is awesome.. just mean... why wait 400 + days to tell someone they arnt right? because she loves the feeling of being loved.. until she can find the right one
tony says:
she was just using him
Krista says:
No, because she doesn't know that love does exist because she hasn't experienced it yet.
Ivan says:
Harpy.
tony says:
"we can still be best friends" F U
Ivan says:
I'm just glad JGL was able to recover and make things right for himself.
tony says:
it was always clear that he wanted to be more than friends.. she knew this.. any normal person would say "gee if he wants me to become more than a friend.. maybe i shouldnt kiss and and sleep with the guy"
tony says:
am i wrong?
Ivan says:
Nope.
Ivan says:
It was a painful story.
tony says:
it was heartbreaking.. i feel him man.. poor guy... at least in 3rd rock he was an alien
Krista says:
It was a learning experience for him and he'll be a better, wiser person for it now. He's back on his feet and will find someone who wants the same things from him as he wants from them.
Ivan says:
Yeah, aliens don't feel anything.
Krista says:
He'll realize that a real relationship goes both ways and will see that he was a dolt.
Ivan says:
And Zooey will become a fat, bitter, lonely... good movie.
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha! No she won't.
tony says:
this is the most serious review we've ever done.. and you know what? i'm glad zooey was a harpy... it just makes me love sarah polley that much more
Krista says:
Yes - that's true!
Ivan says:
No changing of the guard!
Ivan says:
F CHANGE!
Krista says:
No changing of the guard!!
Krista says:
HA!
tony says:
ok 9.5/10 for me
Krista says:
How would you have felt if Polley was Zooey's character?
Krista says:
8/10 for me
tony says:
loved the film.. so painful tho
Ivan says:
9/10!
tony says:
if polley was zooey i woulda felt exactly like JGL did.. hurt but still in love.. u cant ever get rid of those feelings
Krista says:
I see.
Krista says:
High ratings!

The Chelios Heart Award
Krista's Pick: Rachel, the little sister gets tied with curly haired best friend for heart.
Tony's Pick: the sister
Ivan's Pick: the sister

Line of the Movie:
Krista: The one about the cockroach shaped splotch on her neck.
Tony: "love? well shit.. i dunno"
Ivan: "I don't know how to tell you this, but there's a Chinese family in our bathroom. "


Krista says:
HA HA HA AH! Yeah the chinese family - that part was REALLY funny.
tony says:
roses are read violets are blue
Ivan says:
...
Ivan says:
awesome!
tony says:
krista thanks for doing this! you rock!
Krista says:
Favourite scene: dance / Han Solo scene
tony says:
we dont favourite scenes!
Ivan says:
rofl
tony says:
HAHAHAHA
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha! I do.
tony says:
shes takin over our site!
Krista says:
HA HA HA AH HA!
Ivan says:
She does what she wants!
Ivan says:
Reminds me of someone
Krista says:
Thanks for having me!
Ivan says:
thank you for joining us!
Krista says:
HA HA HA AH AH! I am a kindred of Zooey's.
tony says:
NOOOOO! LEAVE NOW!
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
tony says:
NO!!!
Ivan says:
of the same ilk?
tony says:
KRISTA WE CANNOT HANG OUT ANYMORE!! PATRICK I GOT YOUR BACK!
Krista says:
A bit - then I found Patrick and it all changed!
Krista says:
Awwwww....
Krista says:
Ha ha ha ha ah ah ah ah.
tony says:
YUCK
tony says:
i give krista 1/10
Krista says:
HA!
Krista says:
I give you .3 out of 100.
Ivan says:
I hate this fn song!!!
Ivan says:
Sir, you need to get off the bus
Krista says:
HA HA AH AH !
Krista says:
Also a great line.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

We are joined by Shellie the Shiv, a friend and mobster from the Salt Lake State, to review the dumbest of all the Potter films. Enjoy!

tony says:
ok shells what did u think of the half blood prince?
Shellie the says:
wait, are we starting? i need some warning.
tony says:
this is how we roll!
Shellie the Shiv says:
ok ok...i cant work under these conditions. but....it was very slow, yes?
tony says:
oh it was super slow
tony says:
it was probably the worst harry potter film i've ever seen
Shellie the Shiv says:
i mean, i was on the edge of my seat for the first 5 movies, but this one...i was bordering on stabbing myself in the eye.
tony says:
so would you agree with me that it was the worst?
Shellie the Shiv says:
Oh yes. Definitely.
Shellie the Shiv says:
BUT...I did find my new idol in this movie.
tony says:
who was this idol?
Shellie the Shiv says:
Lavendar Brown. That girl knows how to get what she wants!
tony says:
she was terrible!
Shellie the Shiv says:
And who wouldn't want a hot little ginger like Ron.
Shellie the Shiv says:
Terribly....awesome?
tony says:
"hi ron"
tony says:
"hi ron"
tony says:
induce vomitting
Shellie the Shiv says:
Persistence.
Shellie the Shiv says:
Ok, so would you want her to be more like Hermione? And send evil canaries at your head?
tony says:
hmm.. good point...
tony says:
BUT
tony says:
this brings up another huge issue i had with the film...
tony says:
if we're sitting here talking about lavender and evil canaries... how crappy really was this film?!
Shellie the Shiv says:
Hahaha...extremely crappy. And I love Harry Potter. Okay, best like of the film: "Did you and Ginny do it?" I almost fell out of my seat.
tony says:
that was pretty funny but come on shellie... it was a film where really nothing at all happens until the very end
tony says:
it needed WAY more bellatrix
tony says:
and way less ginger kids
tony says:
and WAY WAY less relationships with ginger kids
Shellie the Shiv says:
But honestly, even the ending was less than dramatic. The whole Dumbledore death scene was excruciatingly boring.
tony says:
see thats true too... i literally had to convince my brain that my throat was parched.. so i had an excuse to leave the theatre to get a drink
Shellie the Shiv says:
I willed all available fluids in my body to my bladder so I could escape to the bathroom.
tony says:
see! just a terrible film.. was the book like this?
Shellie the Shiv says:
The book was really slow...but the Dumbledore scene with the stupid potion crap was a lot better. Like, he was acting like a madman...now that would have been entertaining!
tony says:
ok al is here im making him join in
tony says:
ok al we have made a lot of comments already on the film.. since u just got here.. what did u think of it?
Alex says:
worst potter film EVAR
Shellie the Shiv says:
Amen brother
Alex says:
it was like watching a 2hr trailer for the last two films
tony says:
is this an overall consensus? do u think anyone out there liked it?
Shellie the Shiv says:
I know people out there liked it. But they're die hard Potter fans that can't admit defeat.
Alex says:
I think ppl liked it just because its a potter film
Alex says:
oh well, wait for the last ones
tony says:
i really felt like it was a crappy 2 -hr wizard special episode of degrassi high
Shellie the Shiv says:
Wtf is degrassi high?
Alex says:
canadian highschool melodrama
tony says:
what is degrassi high?!?!!?
Alex says:
don't worry I don't watch it either
Shellie the Shiv says:
Don't yell at me! I'm American!
tony says:
ok hmmm.. 2 hr wizard special episode of.. one tree hill?
tony says:
is that better?
Shellie the Shiv says:
.............................
Shellie the Shiv says:
OKay, let me just say Dumbledore should have gone out in a blaze of glory and I was very saddened by the way they depicted his death. That is all.
tony says:
but seriously im really tired of the relation/emotion side of harry potter.. we seen this crap for 5 movies already.. when is voldemort and others gonna start blowing things up?.. the dude is supposed to be a badass no?
Shellie the Shiv says:
This is not Transformers. There's no Megan Fox bending over a motorcycle. Wait for it.
Alex says:
well if I had my way of the potter films, everyone would be strapping wands and dual weilding them and doing side dives while shooting death curses
Shellie the Shiv says:
Death curses at Megan Fox?
Alex says:
neva!
Shellie the Shiv says:
I would give that two thumbs up for sure.
tony says:
if megan fox was in it... i'd torture curse myself
Shellie the Shiv says:
Is there a spell to cause blindness and deafness? That's what I would need.
tony says:
there must be... al would polyjuice to become shia
tony says:
sigh
Shellie the Shiv says:
Or maybe polyjuice himself to become the funny little dog-robot?
Alex says:
love potion, don't need polyjooze
tony says:
u sicken me
tony says:
shellie u fail for bringing up that harpy
Shellie the Shiv says:
See! Lavendar is his idol too! Or was that Romilda Vane?
Shellie the Shiv says:
I just had to get one jab in....you can't blame me for that Tony.
tony says:
i can and i will!
tony says:
oh i want to give props to luna in the movie..
tony says:
ok so im giving this potter film a 3.5/10 it needs to be covered by the cloak of invisibility
Shellie the Shiv says:
I give it 5.4/10. The extra .4 is for the awesome shoe tying moment between Harry and Ginny.
Alex says:
that was just strange
tony says:
al do u get what she means? she told me in the states people giggled at that part.. u guys need to grow up!
Alex says:
3/10 for me
Shellie the Shiv says:
I was in a theater full of 14 year old boys, maybe that's why.

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Dumbledore
Tony's Pick: Luna
Shellie's Pick: Lavender

Line of the Movie:
Al: I don't remember
Tony: anything luna said
Shellie: "did you and ginny do it?"

A Perfect Getaway

Ivan says:
before we start
Ivan says:
that Kale guy
Ivan says:
was in Star Trek! he was george kirk at the beginning!
Ivan says:
and he will be THOR in the avengers and THOR movie
Ivan says:
yeah WTF i know
tony says:
his girlfriend in this movie had crazy eyes
Ivan says:
yeah, you gotta stay away from people that look like that
tony says:
i dunno man i kinda liked her
tony says:
she was badass in her own right
Alex says:
you like crazy
Ivan says:
did you know that tim olyphant was actually born in hawaii!
Ivan says:
IM FULL OF FUN FACTS
Alex says:
crazy to hott graph?
Ivan says:
al's been watching his How I Met Your Mother
Alex says:
oh touche
tony says:
ok enough with graphs and facts.. how'd u guys like this film?... i must say for a last second decision to watch... i was pleasantly surprised
Alex says:
it was a good film, it had a lot of fun scenes and red snappers
Ivan says:
it was one of the best last second choices we've made
Ivan says:
take that GI JOE!
Ivan says:
red herring you jackass
Ivan says:
but good joke nonetheless al
Alex says:
CO...braaaaa....~
Ivan says:
LALALALALAL
tony says:
it felt intense without a lot of action... or was that just me?
Ivan says:
it was definintely not you
Ivan says:
i kept thinking "wow, no real action has occured, but i want to know WTF is gonna happen next!"
tony says:
i always felt at any second an arrow could swoop in
Alex says:
needed more waterfall scene
Alex says:
boobs, ass!
Ivan says:
Al was angry cuz they panned away from tim's ass
tony says:
i think deadwood has some good tim scenes
Alex says:
OLYPHANT IS HAWTNESS
Ivan says:
touche
tony says:
he's hard to kill
Alex says:
he really is
Ivan says:
Steve "my sister is on CNN" Zahn is so hard to believe sometimes since he's such an fn nimrod
tony says:
yeah zahn should stick to slapstick comedy
tony says:
but he wasnt terrible either
Ivan says:
no, he did well
Ivan says:
bravo sir!
tony says:
i'm still not sure how i feel about the twist... like it has blatant flaws.. so im not sure if maybe i just didnt understand something.. or if it was m night shamalan-esque
tony says:
thoughts?
Alex says:
I called it was them anyways
Ivan says:
I called it too freak!
Ivan says:
you know what it could be tony?
Alex says:
the red snappers
Ivan says:
it could be one of those movies that's so epic, that you need to watch it again to fully understand all the sublte (or blatant) details
Ivan says:
haha go eat some red snappers
tony says:
i dunno i think watching it again would help
tony says:
milla needs to kill more zombies
tony says:
and this film gets a 7.5/10 for me
tony says:
that is all
Ivan says:
yeah, she did have that crazy look in her eyes as well. She is one scary dude when she turns it on
Alex says:
mila is hawt anytime
Ivan says:
ooh, you brought it up a grade!
Ivan says:
i'll give it 8! take that
Alex says:
6.5/10 OUTSTANDING
tony says:
yeah the more i think of it the more i appreciate a lot of the things they DIDN'T do.. which made it good.. hahaha OUTSTANDING
Ivan says:
great flick! highly recommended by the boys at RSR
tony says:
one on one.. milla vs tim? who wins?.. both are hard to kill.. one has iced over 1000 zombies and counting..
Ivan says:
Tim
Ivan says:
everyday
tony says:
i go milla.. she air kicked a zombie dog once
Ivan says:
never saw it
Ivan says:
didn't happen
tony says:
i hate to be the guy to bring it up.. but the scenery in the film was awesome...
Ivan says:
it was fn beautiful!
Ivan says:
sheeet
Alex says:
mountainous boobs and lush valleyed ass of mila? sure
Ivan says:
you're sick al
Ivan says:
keep it up
Alex says:
thats a status achievement

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: goes to the EMT douche with the kayak, he turned the film around
Tony's Pick: the guy who brought the permits to zahn
Ivan's Pick: tim olymphant

Line of the Movie:
Al: "shake the bush!"
Tony: " OUTSTANDING!!"
Ivan: "i am really hard to kill"

tony says:
emt guy al?
tony says:
really?
Alex says:
yes!
Alex says:
he turned the film around!

Al's Review of Funny People

tony says:
ok wanna tell the good folks out there why we decided to write this review?
Ivan says:
This review was written with the sole intent to make Al look bad. Why you ask? Because his reviews as of late have sucked. A lot.
tony says:
more than a lot
Ivan says:
I believe you have some telling stats you'd like to share with our readers Tony
tony says:
lets just focus on the funny people review though
tony says:
yes i have crunched some numbers and found that in the review we used 1118 words... al used: 133 words
tony says:
thats 11.8 % of the review
Ivan says:
If there were 10 people writing the review, that would be an awesome contribution!
Ivan says:
But alas, there are 3 of us. And 90% of the review was carried by the two mules we like to call Tony and Ivan. What this number tells me is that AL is a diva.
tony says:
please explain
Ivan says:
You see, a diva is somebody who is really famous for doing stuff (like Al is famous for being Alphonse (Carlton) from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the perverted forensics guy from Dexter). The problem with divas is that they do nothing and expect everything!
Ivan says:
It makes no sense to regular joes like you and I (as well as our loyal readers), but divas don't see the world like we do. They see the world through special 3D goggles that grant their every wish. What happens when they don't get what they want? They throw a hissy fit, tantrum, you name it, and write piss-poor reviews to top it off.
tony says:
i agree 100%
tony says:
i mean i can understand if everything al wrote in this review was profound.. but lets take a look at some of his contributions
Ivan says:
Alex says in the review"He died for you a while back"
Ivan says:
who is Al referring to here? Jesus?
Ivan says:
i dont know either
tony says:
"should've been renamed stupid people"
this is the equivalent of a grade 1 calling his friend poop-breath
Ivan says:
no
Ivan says:
worse
Ivan says:
kids dont know what breath means
Ivan says:
it'd be like. "no, you're a stupid head!"
tony says:
poophead?
tony says:
he says "still crap" thanks for your two word contribution al.. i understand fully what u mean
tony says:
basically i've seen better journal responses for "what did you do for christmas?" from grade 2 morons
tony says:
"for chritsmaaz i seeen a satna claws"
Ivan says:
"this review is being falsely advertised"
-Al did make a solid point here.
our site is advertised to be "Three friends who try to watch a movie every Saturday, while desperately trying to grab the railing seats (for maximum leg comfort), do a simple yet epic review of the film being watched."
Ivan says: Only two people did a simple yet epic review of the film being watched (Funny People). One person did a simple review.
tony says:
so i'm giving al a 1/10... he basically couldve been replaced by a random word generator here tony says: woulda been more entertaining anyway
Ivan says:
I to am giving our friend Alphonse a 1/10. The review was our first since my triumphant return to Canada and it could have been legen - wait for it - dary!
Ivan says:
F U AL
tony says:
play him AL off keyboard cat!
Ivan says:
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUDN

Funny People

tony says:
SHAMPOO IS BETTER I CLEAN THE HAIR!! CONDITIONER IS BETTER I MAKE THE HAIR SILKY AND SMOOTH!
tony says:
ahhh Sandler used to me my hero
Ivan says:
LADY YOU'RE SCARING US
Alex says:
He died for you a while back
tony says:
he died when he made big daddy
Ivan says:
when did he make little nicky?
tony says:
i think after big daddy
Ivan says:
he died around then to me. i never saw big daddy back then
Alex says:
they should've put real sandler films as the movie posters
tony says:
did u guys kinda feel like this movie was a tribute to sandler's life?
Ivan says:
i did feel that for a moment
Ivan says:
that it was that
Alex says:
if he was dying!
tony says:
what did u guys think overall?
Alex says:
I think Apatow needs to go back to doing what he knows and leave this crap for someone who knows better
tony says:
yeah i agree.. it was an ok drama film.. but the way that they advertised the film.. and the for a film called funny people.. there were way too many people and way too little funny
Ivan says:
agreed
tony says:
if i wanted to watch stand up comedy.. i'd put on the comedy networks summer of stand up!
tony says:
which is excellent by the way
Ivan says:
i was literally expecting to leave the movie halfway to change my adult sized diaper
Ivan says:
but nothing
Ivan says:
it was good to see seth rogen acting though
Ivan says:
not just being in a movie
Ivan says:
but literally acting
Ivan says:
this review will contain many uses of the word literally
Alex says:
should've been renamed stupid people
tony says:
here's the dilenma though... if apatow does another movie like 40 year old knocked up.. he;'d be critisized for that too.. so i mean i think they just should have advertised it better
Ivan says:
but people will still know it's his films
Ivan says:
since he only uses the people on his friend's list to act in them
Ivan says:
you know what i think?
Ivan says:
i think he should just change his stupid name
Ivan says:
which by the way, i hate
Ivan says:
judd apatow
Ivan says:
wtf is that?
Ivan says:
sounds like an old woman
Ivan says:
f you old lady!
tony says:
lets get one thing straight.. i only tolerate apatow ;cause she's married to the wonderful Leslie Mann
Ivan says:
agreed!
Alex says:
its crap, lets face it, if this movie was by anyone else we'd be ripping it a new asshole
Ivan says:
haha
tony says:
no wait.. i mean i think it was a good film.. but we didnt know it was gonna be THAT type a film.. a serious movie about love and death..
Alex says:
still crap
tony says:
it was like ordering a cheeseburger but receiving a plate of valentine cinamon hearts..
Ivan says:
word. there were about 2 really good laughs that had me punching you in the arm tony. and i think several were jokes that we made funnier ourselves
tony says:
every REALLY funny part took place when they did stand-up comedy...
Ivan says:
yeah we were laughing way harder in the restaurant we went to afterwards about your diet cola and the rat
tony says:
HAHAHAHA
tony says:
i woulda tipped them 8 dollars.. but it was 7 because i saw a mouse
Ivan says:
we shoulda told those people next to us about it. as they began to eat their meal
tony says:
those people would've been ANGRY.. they were complaining about chilli peppers
Alex says:
they woulda demanded to be comped
Alex says:
the only good thing was seeing all the cameos
Ivan says:
not all of them
Ivan says:
did you really want to see S.S. i am not saying her name
tony says:
sarah silverman is NOT a good cameo.. sorry ivan i had to say it
Ivan says:
it's ok man
Ivan says:
yeah
Ivan says:
wtf is that by the way?
Ivan says:
who complains about their food?
Alex says:
so, the meal was awesome!
Ivan says:
unless there is pubic hair in your spaghetti
tony says:
hey sorry to get back to the film.. but did u guys realize that the asian sensation was not in this film? wtf? did they have a falling out?
Ivan says:
yeah! wtf
tony says:
and yeah the food was great
Ivan says:
he's just branching out at the momment
Ivan says:
doing a lot of other movies
Ivan says:
i loved my american burger
tony says:
the american burger made my heart flutter
Ivan says:
it was De - wait for it - licious!
Ivan says:
Dunja makes my heart flutter
tony says:
oh wtf?!
tony says:
do our reviews have LOVE SIDE PLOTS NOW?
tony says:
ANGER RISING!
Ivan says:
just like all these movies!
tony says:
but hi dunja
Ivan says:
did you know that Harold and Kumar 2 is about love?
Ivan says:
yeah i puked
Ivan says:
TWICE
Alex says:
this review is being falsely advertised
tony says:
i need love side plots like i need a swift knee to my windpipe
Alex says:
it could be arranged
Alex says:
JAGGAL KICK
Ivan says:
Tiger Knee!
Ivan says:
TIGER
tony says:
oh by all means.. next time we watch a movie and there is a strong love side plot.. can one of you please put me in the guillotine frontal choke hold until i fall asleep..?
Ivan says:
i will gladly do it
tony says:
thanks brother
Ivan says:
you got it
Ivan says:
only because you would do the same for me
Ivan says:
and i will also play you the F off
Alex says:
dropping my review to a 5.5 dick jokes / 10 for this one
Ivan says:
ok, i give this movie a 6 after this review
tony says:
i dunno what to give this film.. i didnt know that i was in for a meaning about life and death and love tony says: i feel like i got lied to by a pretty girl
Ivan says:
p.s. eric bana has a really funny accent
tony says:
oi!!
tony says:
so i'm giving this a confused 6.5 /10
Ivan says:
fair enough
tony says:
but i feel like it should be more
Ivan says:
any other night maybe
Ivan says:
after the rat incident
Alex says:
I was thinking Eric Bana was the shit, but I saw that preview for Time Travellers Wife
tony says:
bana was the man in munich!... rogen was good... leslie man is ALWAYS good... and sandler was my old hero tony says: man screw it.. 8/10 based on principle
Ivan says:
rofl
Ivan says:
stick to your guns
tony says:
i will fogive them duping me into thinking it was a comedy
tony says:
the meal after gets a 10/10
Ivan says:
i am happy with my mark
tony says:
the mouse i saw gets a 6/10
Ivan says:
even with the blown pop delivery and rat?
tony says:
yes
tony says:
it woulda been 4/10 without those things
Ivan says:
she wasn't even about to bring you a drink man
Ivan says:
lots of ratings tonight
tony says:
it made for a funny anecdote
Ivan says:
what about the dbag guy?
Ivan says:
i give him a 10/10 on the dbag-o-meter
Alex says:
the kak gawker?
tony says:
which dbag guy? the guy al's talking about?
Ivan says:
he gets a 10 alsow
Ivan says:
the guy with the girl
Ivan says:
in the dress shirt
Ivan says:
unbuttoned
tony says:
at the restaurant or the movie?
Ivan says:
restaurant
tony says:
oh good gravy.. he gets a 10
tony says:
the dbag in the movie aka jason shwartzman. gets an AL/10
tony says:
u can interpret that anyway u want
Ivan says:
agreed
tony says:
oh the doctor jokes were funny too
Ivan says:
the doctor could have been possibly the best character in the movie. i feel that he is ready to blow up on the big screen

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Leslie Mann
Tony's Pick: the kid in the theater that left during all the dumb love scenes... we can all learn from him
Ivan's Pick: Seth Rogen

Line of the Movie:
Al: "oh yeah, you're right, I have been a competitive, you're right I'm sorry...FUCK YOU IRA!"
Tony: " the otto is my lotto"
Ivan: "i have a cabinet that i bought 6 months ago from you guys"

The Hurt Locker

Alex says:
Why do they call it the hurt locker
tony says:
I think you should field this one
Alex says:
cuz its an allegory of the locker he's built around himself with his need for an adrenaline fix
Alex says:
review done
tony says:
seriously though.. whens the last time you seen a film this intense?
Alex says:
never
Alex says:
this movie is a rush, beginning to end
Alex says:
its an essay and the thesis is intensity, every segment is a closing arguement
Alex says:
DONE!
tony says:
i agree.. i literally had my hands on my head in a nervous stupor... i changed sitting positions every 3 minutes or so
Alex says:
seriously though, I liked how they had the follow up scenes after the adrenaline rush is over, and it shows them shaking and dealing with the stress
tony says:
yeah! the character's were great.. very real.. the main guy defines what it is to "doesn't afraid of anything"
tony says:
i have nothing bad to say about this film.. it was a it long.. but thats about it
Alex says:
I think hes too crazy to afraid of stuffs to be given that title
tony says:
see i dont think he IS crazy though.. he had too much heart
Alex says:
it was well executed, only bad thing was all the big stars got iced
tony says:
how did you feel when you saw kate from lost?
Alex says:
it was Kate, had Aaron with her too
tony says:
thats it? i thought u loved kate?
Alex says:
Jack > Kate
tony says:
for the first time in several reviews i totally agree with you
Alex says:
I give this film 8 IED / 10
tony says:
well i give hurt locker 8/10 solid.. but i don't like watching modern war films.. but no fault of the films
tony says:
al you're a wild man
Alex says:
look at this guy?! hes a wild man

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Owen
Tony's Pick: Will

Line of the Movie:
Al: "you know you can shoot ppl here, don't have to throw a wrench"
Tony: " that's something a wild man would say"

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Alex says:
TRANSFOOOORMA!!! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!
Ivan says:
CH CHU CHUAH CHA CAH
Alex says:
AUTOBAWTS WAGE THEIR BATTLE TO DESTROY THE EVIL FORCES OF.....
Ivan says:
that was me transforming into a crappy movie
Alex says:
DA DECEPTICONS!
tony says:
al shut up!
tony says:
i felt the way i felt when i saw the first transformers... GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!
Alex says:
I don't care what you haters say
Ivan says:
I don't care what you say either. But please, proceed
Alex says:
Michael Bay made an ART HOUSE FILM! and GIANT ROBOTS is his medium
Alex says:
he painted with Optimus Prime
Alex says:
PAINTED
tony says:
the prime was awesome.. i cant argue that
tony says:
but the only thing good about this film was the prime
Ivan says:
I think Al is confused. What he meant to say was "michal bay made a movie using microsoft paint"
tony says:
ivan u didnt even like the effects?
Ivan says:
the effects were cool
Ivan says:
remember that cool construction robot at the beginning, that rolled over everything?
Alex says:
I don't know who or what that was, but it was cool and Prime shot his face in
Alex says:
done
Ivan says:
i thought it would play some huge role in the movie (based on the previews). i was expecting it would roll halfway around the world before they stopped it, but it made if halfway down the block and that was that.. OMG it is the RISE OF THE CONSTRUCTOCONS!!! uhhh no it wasnt.. it wasnt..
Alex says:
uh, cuz he met the leader of the AUTOBAWTS!
Ivan says:
THEY TRICKED US WITH THE PREVIEW..
tony says:
but those scenes WERE cool though.. if you guys would allow me a few seconds to rant i think i can sum up this movie and why it sucks monkey turd.
Ivan says:
could i say a few things?
tony says:
please proceed
Alex says:
umm only in cybertronian please
Alex says:
ROBAWTS IN DISGUISE!
Alex says:
you're hearing that in my rooooobaaawt voice
Alex says:
in your head...
Alex says:
right now
Ivan says:
this is why i thought the movie was unsatisfactory:
1)too many resurrections. 1 battle res per movie is the limit
Alex says:
Prime didn't die, took a nap...tis all
Ivan says:
2)too much love. why is there any love/teenage drama occuring in a transformers movie? is this the same show we watched growing up? who gives a crap about shia ladouche moving away and going to college? show us Optimus Prime eating breakfast
Alex says:
those scenes juxtaposed the Robot carnivale, cuz any more, I would have died a syatisfied man, but died none the less.
Ivan says:
did al just say there was a robot carnival?
tony says:
did al just say juxtaposed?
Ivan says:
is it coming to brampton?
Alex says:
an ORGY OF AUTOBOTS VS DECEPTICONS
Ivan says:
i want cotton candy
Alex says:
F-YEAH!
tony says:
optimus was cool.. robots are cool.. humans in robot films are not.. MEAGAN FOX IN ANY MOVIE IS NOT COOL!!!! IT IS NOT COOL!!!!! Transformers was a like a graph of the sine curve.. it almost became cool and then went back to absolute garbage.. over and over again.. if u'll allow me to give u examples...
tony says:
here is what i felt throughout the film
tony says:
wow! optimus kicked ass there! holy crap! he ripped that guys head off.. OH WTF? meagan fox?!?!
tony says:
oh man optimus became a plane! hes rocking the crap out of megatron! WOW THIS IS EXTREME
tony says:
OH WTF MEAGAN FOX???!!
tony says:
OH YES!! AUTOBOTS WIN THIS IS GETTING INTENSE!! OH WTF MEAGAN FOX IN CREDITS????!!
Ivan says:
can i help? omg, that is the coolest robot dog ever! look at it kick ass! WTF are we watching meagan fox paint a motorcycle??? wtf is this an 80's whitesnake video? f you assholes!
tony says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Alex says:
I don't remember those scenes,
tony says:
meagan fox is the Yoko ono of good movies
tony says:
meaning she ruins them!
Ivan says:
she is the kirsten kreuk of summer 09
Alex says:
I only remember Prime, DUAL FUCKING WEILDING ENERGON BLADES AND RIPPING BLACKOUT'S FACE OFF!
Alex says:
WOT?! WOT?!
Ivan says:
you are more fortunate than we are al
tony says:
she makes kristen kreuk look like sarah polley.. and u wont ever see me write those two names together unless im saying "oh man i had a dream that sarah polley beat the crap out of kristen kreuk and killed her!"
Alex says:
you know what?! I ENJOYED MEAGAN FOX's POUTY FACE!
Alex says:
I SAID IT!
Alex says:
SCREW YOU!
tony says:
this review is over
Ivan says:
omg
Ivan says:
i wish i could convey my emotions better via msn
Alex says:
there was a MATRIX OF fn LEADERSHIP!
Ivan says:
my words don't do justice to the look i had on my face when al said that
Alex says:
JET OPTIMUS!
tony says:
did u look like clint eastwood in gran torino?
Ivan says:
yeah! but angrier
Ivan says:
and more old looking
tony says:
oh man!
Alex says:
GgggYYYYEEEETTTT OOOOPTTTIIIMUUUS!
tony says:
ok al gets once again a 1/10 from me... movie gets a 3/10.. it's effects were good.. but at a whopping 2 hr and 30 mins... its just too much meagan fox to take.. she is an absolute horror of an actress.
Alex says:
screw you fools,
Alex says:
Michael Bay's got the touch
Alex says:
After all is said and done,
He never walked, he never run
He's a Winner
Ivan says:
don't even bring "the touch" into this revieW!
Ivan says:
dont you dare!
Ivan says:
tony, edit that part out
Alex says:
DON"T YOU FN DARE!
Ivan says:
he's using the epic song from the real and only transormers movie from 1984
Alex says:
MATRIX OF LEADERSHIP!
Alex says:
DEVESTATOR TEABAG!
Ivan says:
ok al gets a 1/10 movie gets a 4/10 (+1 cuz i just saw bruno)
Alex says:
wait I get a rating? wtf
tony says:
not enough bumblebee too
Alex says:
I wanted
BUMBLE-MUS Prime
tony says:
now THAT would be cool
Alex says:
cuz he got the touch too
Ivan says:
omg
Ivan says:
i forgot
Ivan says:
about that fn paris hilton dog thing
Ivan says:
i want to vomit
Ivan says:
change my rating to a 2/10
Alex says:
leave mojo alone
Ivan says:
her "pet robot"
tony says:
i must have missed this
Ivan says:
the one she enslaves and puts in the box
Alex says:
Wheelie?
Ivan says:
yeah
tony says:
thats a dog?
Alex says:
but hes an autobot
Ivan says:
not a real dog
Ivan says:
but it's like a tribute to paris hilton
Alex says:
decepticons need love too
tony says:
ok stop stop... 2/10 .. thanks for the info
Ivan says:
how she has her gay dog and shit. well fox has that stupid robot thta falls in love with her
Alex says:
9/10!
Alex says:
WOT?! THATS MAH RATING?! TAKE YOU ALL ON!
tony says:
al u are not more than meets the eye.. u are a moron.
Ivan says:
ch chu chu che cha cha that was me tranforming my fist into an empty can of sprite
Ivan says:
careful al..


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Optimus Prime
Tony's Pick: Prime
Ivan: OP

Line of the Movie:
Al: "I"LL TAKE YOU ALL ON"
Tony: " one man, alone, abandoned by the country he loves!"
Ivan: " one man, alone, abandoned by the country he loves!"

Ivan says:
my 2nd heart is turturro... he was epic
tony says:
turturro can play any race!

The Hangover

tony says:
all i can say is.. how did the chicken get there?
Alex says:
it was birdknapped
Ivan says:
they never told us
Ivan says:
frankly, i don't give a crap anymore
tony says:
i want to know!
Ivan says:
i did want to know
Ivan says:
i passed the point of wanting to know
Alex says:
the chicken was Soundwave's minion
Alex says:
OH SHIT WRONG REVIEW
Ivan says:
Al GTFO
Ivan says:
but if somehow you found out, you'd have to tell me
tony says:
too much transformers!
tony says:
to be fair it has been a while since any of us watched this film
Ivan says:
quite true
tony says:
our long-term memories are ruined by video games
Alex says:
Why do they call it roofies? why not floories?
tony says:
re-tard
Ivan says:
retard?
tony says:
reh-tard
tony says:
would u guys agree tho.. that its nice to have a comedy without seth rogen et. al. in it for a change tony says:
im getting so sick of those guys
tony says:
and i do like the return of heather graham
tony says:
she had heart
Ivan says:
oh yeah! it was refreshing. seth rogen is like the stale bottle of Coke in my fridge. get me something new!
Ivan says:
she was awesome. nothing like a stripper with a heart of gold!
Alex says:
I want me one of those
tony says:
a heather graham?
Ivan says:
stale bottle of coke?
Ivan says:
wtf
Alex says:
stripper with a heart of gold
Ivan says:
Al is so ambiguous
tony says:
he is!
Alex says:
stale bottle of coke sounds good right now
tony says:
oh and the tyson
tony says:
thats all i remember.. reh-tard and the tyson
Ivan says:
mmm, touché
tony says:
but i know i DID laugh.. so i'll give it a 7-8/10
Ivan says:
ROFL Ivan says: that's it?
Ivan says:
hahha
Ivan says:
great review
Ivan says:
but i like it. a review in the style of a movie about not remembering the night before
Ivan says:
WE ARE SO WITTY
tony says:
PROFOUND!
Alex says:
wot about Mr.Lee?
Alex says:
SUCK MY ASIAN NUTS!!?!?!
tony says:
oh yeah!!! that guy!
Ivan says:
ok, so we dont remember the movie. here is what i recall
Ivan says:
tigers, missing tooth, and angry chinese dude
Ivan says:
done
tony says:
reh-tard, heather graham, tyson, and asian guy
tony says:
done
Ivan says:
ooh nice
Ivan says:
top that al!
Alex says:
ASS, TITS, MAN JUNK
Ivan says:
good enough
Ivan says:
i give it a 7.5
Alex says:
ELEVATOR BJ POLOROID FTL
Ivan says:
al gets a 5
Ivan says:
he did good
Alex says:
7.8/10
tony says:
al gets a 6 from me.. then he mentioned BJ and got a 4
Ivan says:
hahaha
Alex says:
BLOW JAY
tony says:
reh-tard
Ivan says:
you're a delta bravo al
Alex says:
OH WOT?! -2?
Alex says:
Do you smell it?
tony says:
smell what?
Alex says:
reeks of douche

The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Beard Guy
Tony's Pick: Heather Graham
Ivan: Heather Graham

Line of the Movie:
Al: "IN DA FACE!"
Tony: "reh-tard"
Ivan: "todalooo muthafucka!"