Earth - DisneyNature

tony says:
review of the EARTH!!!!
Alex says:
I'd be more satisfied watching the nature channel
Alex says:
but on the big screen and James Earl Jones' voice...it makes up for it
tony says:
yeah i mean the cinematography was amazing, but they are always amazing in these nature shows
tony says:
the music however was not amazing, it was vexing
tony says:
i felt like i was in line at a theme park
Alex says:
freakin DISNEY!
Alex says:
I wanted to see animals get iced!
tony says:
well my major problem with it was the social aspect of it.. Disney should never try to make anyone feel guilty for not being green
tony says:
u know disney would build a disneyland in papua new guinea or anywhere else in the world if it could
Alex says:
I wouldn't go to that theme park
tony says:
but they would build it!
tony says:
another thing was that the timing was all off
tony says:
it was supposed to be a film where u follow several creatures for a year.. and it started out well with the polar bears
tony says:
but they didnt go back to the polar bears until 1 hr into the film
tony says:
i kept thinking about them and ignoring all the other animals
Alex says:
its called Earth, not Polar Bears
tony says:
then dont set up a story at all!
tony says:
just show random shots of the earth
Alex says:
wot story!? its about a bunch of animals looking for food and frakking
tony says:
it was a story of their journey.. what are you 8 years old?
Alex says:
they went to the shore to look for food...didn't find any...grew up, the end
Alex says:
that shark rocked you!
Alex says:
you flinched in your seat when he surfaced and crit that seal
tony says:
oh please.. i've seen every shark week on discovery channel since i was 6.. that was nothing.
Alex says:
So are we watching DisneyNature's Insects?
tony says:
oh hells no!
tony says:
the only good parts was the monkeys and maybe those freaky birds.. everything else i coulda seen on zaboomafoo for pete sakes.. it was like they had a bunch of nice clips they really wanted to use.. and forced a story line so they could use it... planet earth pwns this.
tony says:
i'll watch oceans tho
Alex says:
the only thing I got outta this film was a new found respect for nature and the ciiiirccccle...the circle of liiiife
Alex says:
going green, fug it
tony says:
so i'm gonna give this film a 5 out of 10.. the preachiness brought it down from a 6... and i dunno about that james earl jones.. he was THULSA DOOM.. he doesnt care about earth.. he was unbelievable in this role.. and disney should just stay with what they're good at... singing animals
Alex says:
5.5/10, only because it was disney-fied and dumbed down, wanted to see Deadliest Animals
Alex says:
see what I did there?
tony says:
hahahahaha! so you're just going literal green not figurative green?
Alex says:
brb making a straw hut
tony says:
bravo sir bravo


The Chelios Award
Al's Pick: the whales
Tony's Pick: pappa polar bear

Line of the Movie:
Al: "ROOOAAAR OOOOO AHH AHHH YIP YIP YIP CAW CAW!"
Tony: "grass is the unsung hero of the planet."

Observe and Report

tony says:
so what did u observe and report about this film?
Alex says:
there was no observing and reporting, it was pure abuse of power and beyond
tony says:
heh heh see what i did there? i incorporated the film title to in the statement
Alex says:
yeah, I saw,
Alex says:
not acknowledging it
tony says:
rightly so! all i got to say is that once again anna farris has proved that there is no one better at playing a dumb, drunk, bimbo, skanky, biatch than anna farris.. am i wrong?
Alex says:
not a bit
Alex says:
anna farris is the best at that role
Alex says:
more roles should be written for her
tony says:
thoughts on seth rogen?
Alex says:
this should be his last solo effort though
Alex says:
if you're a seth rogen fan, this is a great film, but I think he went overboard here
tony says:
yeah he contiually plays the same guy over and over...
tony says:
in many ways this is the same film i've seen over and over... i think they are all in many ways trying to be napolean dynamite
Alex says:
I think you have a point
tony says:
u always have a semi-loser kinda guy.. with huge heart.. surrounded by eccentric off the wall characters..
Alex says:
still funny though, don't care much about the twins, but his 2nd in command was mind opening
tony says:
that was the pedro of the film.. and yeah he was funny!
Alex says:
why they'd gotta pick on the brown guy?
tony says:
he was funny too
tony says:
too much streaking!
Alex says:
next to a porn, I think thats the longest screen time of male reproductive organs
Alex says:
and it makes me sick
tony says:
u were laughing the entire time!
Alex says:
cuz random nudity is funny...
Alex says:
and he got iced
tony says:
he cetainly did! well im giving this a 6/10 funny but nothing too different
Alex says:
6.5 for me, had me laughing, and it was random enough to be interesting
Alex says:
plus anna farris can get me to watch anything
tony says:
anna farris is a modern day legend! but everyone needs a nell character in their life!
tony says:
oh and f u al
Alex says:
/whisper f u
Alex says:
f u
tony says:
F U

The Chelios Award
Al's Pick: Seth Rogen
Tony's Pick: Seth Rogen

Line of the Movie:
Al: anna farris "NURSE!! SHOTS!! DOWN THE HATCH!!!"
Tony: anna farris" physically yes... but psychologically NOOOOOO!"

Crank High Voltage

tony says:
what's in the box?!? what's in the box?!
Alex says:
something really really terrible
Alex says:
Johnny Vang has serious mental problems for carrying that around
Alex says:
in a box
tony says:
i'm gonna tell u something.. i loved this freakin film
tony says:
it was everything i expected and more.. it was crank 1 on drugs! but not as good as crank 1
Alex says:
statham's collection never fails
tony says:
you gotta love a film like this, that doesnt care who it offends and doesnt care about any kind of reality.. its just in your face-anything-goes
Alex says:
nudity, violence, more nudity, its AWESOME
Alex says:
a lot of cameos too
tony says:
yep! it's like a video game designer, ADHD 16 year old, gary busey, scarface fanatic, super mario, guy who loves sung kang, and a porn director was stuck in an elevator and wrote this film together
Alex says:
oh well put
tony says:
oh and godzilla fan
Alex says:
I enjoyed the flying punch
Alex says:
Amy Smart was enjoyable too, but that Bai Ling twat...not so much
Alex says:
infact she down right scares me....shes like an asian skeletor
Alex says:
cuntonese.. as statham called her
tony says:
really? i loved her scenes!.. oh she's grotesque yeah.. but funny as hell
Alex says:
It is also nice to see Pedro has a career
tony says:
i dunno what else to say about a film that had flying punches, flaming punches, several hysterical musical scenes, severed talking heads, and so many things i cant even remember
tony says:
pedro rocks
Alex says:
the film is ADD inducing
Alex says:
almost like watching GTA, with Statham as the main character
tony says:
statham needs to make a movie every month
Alex says:
agreed
tony says:
and yeah it is like watching/GTA.. but its like watching a jackass play GTA, like how i use to play. it's played be a guy who puts on all the cheat codes and just goes in the game killing and beating up everyone with no or little thought towads the objective..
tony says:
the villians in this film were all epic in their own right as well
Alex says:
just let him continue the franchises, Transporter, Crank, even ptII for In the Name of the King
tony says:
agreed
Alex says:
the cholo, triad, and scums of the earth stereotypes were spot on
tony says:
that they were!... i'm gonna give this a 7 out of 10.. i still think the original was better.. i kinda feel like they needed to make high voltage similar but more shocking, which is what it was.. so in a way it seemed less original
Alex says:
agreed, but I think 6.5 for me, it does seem a little played out, but what else could they do
tony says:
yeah! f you chelios!
tony says:
i want chelios's heart
tony says:
we might have to change the name of the rudy award to the chelios and/or crank award what say u?
Alex says:
chelios award
tony says:
done

The Chelios Award
Al's Pick: Chelios, eve and venus
Tony's Pick: Chelios

Line of the Movie:
Al: "those slant eyed associates of yours took something very valuable to me."
Tony: severed head: "Cheeellllliiiiiioooos"

Fast and Furious

tony says:
oh man fast and furious what can i say? i seen this movie before when it was called the fast and the furious
Alex says:
but its retooled, new body, same engine! voooooorrrrrrrmmmmm
Alex says:
zoom zoom
Alex says:
/w tone: zoom zoom
Alex says:
yeah I typed it out
tony says:
i dont even know what to say to that
tony says:
i felt like i was watching a video game inside a puff daddy video
Alex says:
Its about cars, theres not much to say, if the cars were talking I'd feel the same about the film
Alex says:
its one of those things I want to learn more about but never got around to it.
tony says:
even if u do love and understand cars.. there wasnt that many in this film... and the plot was not even as good as a grand theft auto game
tony says:
they need to stop vin diesel from making films period... hes just a terrible actor.. and a non believable main heroic figure
Alex says:
Vin Diesel looks like a golem or a troll....noooo an overgrown dwarf
Alex says:
gnome!
tony says:
his time is over man... he looks very weird i agree.. did u know hes 42?
Alex says:
no...actually he looks younger
Alex says:
I think we should go watch babylon ad now
tony says:
no more vin diesel man...
tony says:
and i hated that sung kang was only in it for 3 mins
Alex says:
Sung KANG is the man
Alex says:
and that is why I think tokyo drift is king
Alex says:
doesn't matter Michelle Rodriguez was only in the same amount of time
Alex says:
she seems to be dying in most of her roles
tony says:
shes got community service to do. leave her alone
Alex says:
its the 80% devil working its way in....UNNNN HUHHHHHNNNN
Alex says:
{
tony says:
did the car scenes do anything for u at all? i was falling asleep through some of them
tony says:
nice mustache!
Alex says:
well, seeing shiny cars is like seeing gadgets...its just shiny, would be shinier if I knew what it was...goes back to the whole learning about cars thing
tony says:
i mean the car chase scenes
Alex says:
overall I think I could've picked up an import mag and got the same thing from the movie, girls in bikini, cars with their hoods up
Alex says:
they were pretty standard...the whole tunnel thing...I kept thinking of some star wars asteroid run
tony says:
yeah exactly... i got the same thrill from playing excitebike on the nes... if not less
tony says:
the tunnel thing was rediculous
tony says:
i cant wait till we see some good films.. this streak has turned me semi-idiot
tony says:
im gonna give this a 3-3.5 out of 10.. would be higher if sung kang was in it more
Alex says:
a solid 5/10 for me, it wasn't misleading, it was a simple car movie, and lots of it
tony says:
a simple car movie wouldnt have included a tunnel built into a mountain for smuggling drugs.... and all that fbi crap.. but i can see what u mean
Alex says:
Yuki Amano ftw
tony says:
who's that?
Alex says:
the IA biatch
tony says:
hahahaha for the loss then!


The Rudy Award
Al's Pick: Letty
Tony's Pick: Letty

Line of the Movie:
Al: Han: "I hear they're doing some crazy shit in Tokyo!"
Tony: letty: "ride or die!"

Dragonball: Evolution

tony says:
DRAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alex says:
B B B B BAAAAALLLLSSSSS
Alex says:
of steel
tony says:
i think this movie owes street fighter some money for making them look like a pile of a regular dried up pieces of turd instead of a pile of hot fresh stinky bull crap...
Alex says:
comparing the two video game / anime / movie adaptaion, DBZ is miles ahead...but in the grand scheme of movie reviews its still a barrel of crap.
tony says:
i agree... the acting was grotesque at best.. (chow yun fat excluded).. and the story was pretty much non existent.. if u were in the theatre for the intro you know the whole plot...
Alex says:
nothing bad could be said of the "international superstar Chow Yun Fat"
tony says:
hes untouchable.. but at the same time i dont care that his character here can chuck fireballs, if the crouching tiger chow met the dbz chow... he'd absolutely over 9000 destroy his face..
tony says:
and rightly so
Alex says:
Green Destiny slices through Kamehameha
Alex says:
yeah I said it
tony says:
most def... the setting confused me too.. it went from a rich suburban the hills-esque place to mad max death valley in seconds..
Alex says:
I thought I was watching Journey to the Centre of the Earth 3D!!!!
as far as I know, one minute they were at most 20ft below ground digging for the dragon ball...they next they were at Mordor and climing up the side of Mt.Doom.
Alex says:
the balll Goku....the ball
tony says:
thats what i mean! i felt like i was watching a versions of lotr, harry potter, star wars, karate kid, and freakin gilmore girls all mixed into a smorgosboard of moron
tony says:
anything good to say?
Alex says:
Bulma (Emmy Rossum) is freaking HAWWWT. Screw Chichi, Goku should've got with that.
tony says:
i couldnt see past her wretched acting to see any hotness
Alex says:
Not much else can be said of the film, I'm not a fan. I may have only watched a combined 3hrs max of DBZ in my life.
Alex says:
Who needs acting when you're in leather, guns, low cut tops.
Alex says:
I feel like I've watched some Super WB Kids Saturday Morning Movie Special...the plot is simplistic, the sets and actions was all flash.
tony says:
i must say i dont know anything about the dbz lore either.. only thing i knew was that they yelled at each other a lot and it was like an animated WWE... also that whole over 9000 thing
tony says:
but i will say this... if i was 8 years old and mildly to severely concussed i woulda gone ape crap for this film.. its the type of film parents would show their kids with A.D.D to shut them up...
tony says:
out of 10?
Alex says:
4.6/10 for me...not totally crap, but sure smells similar. Bulma puts it up for me, and I agree, I can see this film getting a lot of run time as a TV special for special kids
tony says:
im gonna give it a 2.5... most of it due to the respect i have for chow yun fat.... i am curious what dave, who is a huge dbz fan thinks, he prolly felt the way i did when i realized that day light savings can also make u lose a hour!


The Rudy Award
Al's Pick: Master Roshi
Tony's Pick: Master Roshi

Line of the Movie:
Al: "Ssswwwooooooooooooooo......KAAAAAA..."
Tony: "to be myself as one i need to be two."

Knowing

tony says:
al remember on the old comic view on BET there was this comic that said that he knew a gangster so smooth that he'd say hi to him and 10 mins later he'd realize, "hey that fool stabbed me"?
Aloe says:
yes
tony says:
well i realized 10 mins after walking out of that theatre, "hey that movie stole my money!"
tony says:
nic cage is that smooth!
Aloe says:
what is this? railing seat standup?
tony says:
it's true though!
tony says:
i thought i was gonna go watch a nic cage film.. but he didnt even have his coif anymore.. I DON'T LIKE THAT!!!
tony says:
got me off to a bad start right off the bat
Aloe says:
maybe I'll realize a few months from now, but from the string of shit movies we've seen, Knowing felt like Dr. Ho's tasty smoothy...it cleared my intestines like it was a bullet train.
tony says:
OMG did we watch the same film?
Aloe says:
The Coif is that smooth
tony says:
he didnt have his coif tho!
Aloe says:
fine, the smaller, and more tamed coif.
tony says:
no such thing! come on man.. anytime aliens appear without the audience knowin it's an alien film is cause for HULK SMASH!
Aloe says:
maybe they're not aliens
Aloe says:
angels
Aloe says:
yes
Aloe says:
they had wings!
tony says:
oh stfu! the film is NOT that smart... and neither is nic cage! the fact that he played a M I T instructor made me want to punch my own throat with a popcan... thats like stephen hawking playing Radio
Aloe says:
I'd go to his lectures
tony says:
the douchebags phone in the theatre ringing to the tune of pa pa pa poker face didnt help any either
Aloe says:
the three diaster scenes were great, the ending of NY getting blown away was epic theatre diaster film making.
tony says:
the scenes did look good i'll give u that
Aloe says:
and that scene where the kids were at the end looked like a nice place to visit
Aloe says:
with the world tree
tony says:
it looked like Kansas!
tony says:
about the only thing good i can say about the film is that it didnt venture into any romantic sideplots, when it very well could of
Aloe says:
should've been billed as a diaster film, no pun intended
tony says:
oh and i'm sick of Zooey Deschanel wannabes! the girl that played nic cage's sister clearly is one... there is no OTHER zooey.. they should just put her in every film..
Aloe says:
katy perry is a zooey
tony says:
don't u say that.. don't u say that.. don't u ever say that!
tony says:
im getting too angry
tony says:
lets wrap this bastard up
tony says:
out of 10?
Aloe says:
5.8/10
Aloe says:
I know its good
Aloe says:
know
Aloe says:
UH HUHHHHNNNNN!~
tony says:
i'll give it a 3.. but the the decision to leave romance out puts it to 3.5
tony says:
and to nic cage.. please grow back everyones favourite character.. the coif

Heart aka the Rudy award:
Al's Pick: Nic Cage
Tony's Pick: Nic Cage

Line of the movie:
Al: "She's got a PH double D!"
Tony: "Someday you'll know what that means."