The Evolution of the Coif

We of the Railing Seat Reviews take our Man Loves, Crushes and Idols very seriously...
This one is for Nic Cage; the Man, the Legend, THE COIF.

Season of the Witch

tony says:
for your listening pleasure http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5aPhGQ0L9Q so heres the question: will this film be better or worse than drive angry?
Alex says:
drive angry will be worse, way worse
tony says:
i agree. i actually liked this film for a while. kept me engaged
Alex says:
I was bored and falling asleep, maybe cuz of the buuurr and then I saw the ending twist and I thought I was watching a cutscene from Diablo 2
tony says:
i thought that it was cool how they kept you wondering if the girl was a witch or not.. or was that just me not being smart enough to figure it out? and what twist?! haha there was no twist!
Alex says:
there was a twist, it wasn't she was or was not a witch. she was a DEMON! in disguise!
tony says:
oh right right
Alex says:
you can't even remember cuz it was so bad
tony says:
then it turned into an exorcism movie. it was bad
Alex says:
holy water cleanses all
tony says:
if she was all that powerful i dont understand why she needed them to find the book. she knew where it was. i dont get that part, but come on.. nic cage was great as usual and ron pearlman is always cool even tho he looks more and more like marmaduke
Alex says:
I think he believed he was in the crusades
tony says:
nic cage believes in every role hes in. thats why hes fantastic
Alex says:
his coif was kept to a minimal in this film
Alex says:
I think the coif quota will be met in Drive Angry
tony says:
yeah that was dissapointing! it all felt like a giant quest line in world of warcraft, ending in a cutscene you would just skip..
Alex says:
it was a party quest. that ended inside a dungeon
tony says:
good point and it was a party wipe
Alex says:
no, the kid made it out, and with loot
tony says:
the kid never ressed them tho
Alex says:
he was low lvl, didn't have the spell
tony says:
and the only loot was an offhand book. we are such nerds
Alex says:
kid got the girl, thats loot
tony says:
tru tru
Alex says:
plus the offhand was server first and last
tony says:
HAHAHA good point! you're on fire today
Alex says:
no one is going to understand what we're talking about, maybe 2 readers
Alex says:
oh wait...4? who cares
tony says:
another good point. but basically this is the kinda film uwe boll wishes he could make
tony says:
thats all anyone needs to know
tony says:
thats all they need to understand
Alex says:
I got the song stuck in my head the whole time watching this film
tony says:
what song?
Alex says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5aPhGQ0L9Q
tony says:
its the season of the witch!!!!!!
Alex says:
maybe readers should listen while reading
tony says:
i'll post it at the beginning. ok 5.5/10 for me kept me engage until i realized how dumb it was
Alex says:
5/10 for me, I was bored and the production was low...january movie fodder.


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Nic Cage! for taking 10 Demon wing stabs and still fighting
Tony's Pick: the kid

Line of the Movie:
Al: that recurring scene where Nic Cage accidently stabs an innocent women and her screams of pain...it showed up 3 times in the film and it changed every time.
Tony: "hoooooooooowl"

Railing Seats Best/Worst 2010

THE BEST



Tony's picks:

1. The Fighter
2. Scott Pilgrim vs the World
3. Inception
4. Kick-Ass
5. The Town

Honourable mention: True Grit, The Crazies





Al's Picks

1. Inception
2. Black Swan
3. The Town
4. Tron Legacy
5. Piranhas 3D
Honourable mentions: Splice, Hot Tub Time Machine




Ivan's Picks

1. The Fighter
2. The Town
3. Scott Pilgrim vs the World
4. Inception
5. The Crazies
Honourable mentions: Kick-Ass, The Other Guys

The Worst

Tony's Picks

1. Knight and Day
2. Jackass 3D
3. The Last Airbender
4. RED
5. Piranhas 3D
DISHonourable Mention: The Losers

Al's Picks

1. Jonah Hex
2. Jackass 3D
3. Knight and Day
4. Easy A
5. Alice in Wonderland
DISHonourable Mention: Clash of the Titans

Ivan's Picks

1. Iron Man 2
2. Killers (another airplane tragedy. fortunately I didn't plug in the headset)
3. Piranhas 3D
4. The American (so bad that we fastforwarded to see what doesn't happen)
5. Clash of the Titans
DISHonourable mentions: Tron: Legacy (didn't see it, but biggest letdown)

Wish We saw*:

Step Up 3D
Eat Pray Love
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Little Fockers

* JUST KIDDING!

True Grit

tony says:
are you a man of true grit al?
Alex says:
How is it we are reviewing 2, count em, 2 Bridges movies, where he plays 3 roles?
tony says:
cause he has true effing grit! and hes the dude! and he is awesome
Alex says:
they needed subtitles for whenever Bridges spoke in this film. I think I only understood what the girl said
tony says:
you didnt like his mountain man western accent? i thought matt damon enunciated quite well, MATT DAmoN!
Alex says:
I only see Bridges mouth move, but all I hear is.... mmmnaaahh...naaah...ummm...nyyaaahhh...seeeee....nyahh
tony says:
hahahahahahaaha
Alex says:
eyepatch
tony says:
bridges is the man
Alex says:
he is, of true grit
tony says:
i only wish i didnt see the fighter right before this movie cause it woulda been a lot better
but i still really enjoyed it..
Alex says:
it didn't feel like a coen film either
tony says:
i think i disagree there, it had like all the whacky characters that are only around for a few scenes
like the bear shaman guy and barry pepper
Alex says:
I want bear pelts, they keep me warm
tony says:
lot of the characters felt a little cartoony tho. do you trust bear pelts dentistry skills?
Alex says:
I think he just pulled teeth...but he said he did other sorts of healing
tony says:
he was great all the acting was really good too, just a solid film... kinda boring if youre not a huge western fan tho
Alex says:
what? like that girl next to us that was writing a twitter essay?
tony says:
thats exactly who i had in mind! when she dropped her phone i was soooo giddy!
Alex says:
I think she was using 2 phones to do it
tony says:
i felt bad for her, she probably thought they were all going to go watch 'little fockers'
Alex says:
thats worse
tony says:
not to her! anyway 8.5/10 for me
Alex says:
8/10 for me, the Bridges, Maaat DAAAAAAmon and introducing that annoying girl that had to go and giiiit heers...really made the film the rest of the characters were good, but too short.
tony says:
what about barry pepper? he was good!


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Little Blackie
Tony's Pick: the girl

Line of the Movie:
Al: "Are we dealing again?!"
Tony: ''you are not le boeuf!"

Tron: Legacy 3D

Alex says:
Tron makes me want to play some ultimate frisbee or xtreme frisbee, either way, something awesome
Alex says:
barefoot,
with no shirt, like a douche
tony says:
tron makes me want to go off the grid and live out in the wild
tony says:
the only thing good in this movie was that it had jeff bridges go up against a younger computer animated jeff bridges that actually looked really real
Alex says:
so only the bridges can take on the bridges
tony says:
yes! this opens up a whole bunch of possibilities! imagine if you will 3 generations of clint eastwood fighting each other!
Alex says:
no! they're not going to make vs. movies based on actors
tony says:
they should! cause nothing else was good in this movie
Alex says:
movie was great! it is solid holiday entertainment
tony says:
visually i guess it was ok.. and that david bowie-esque character was interesting but thats about it
Alex says:
forget what the critics say, it doesn't need story, its just visual fun
tony says:
what was good about it? let me remind you of the crappy ending! NO PLOT either! and olivia wilde is so gd annoying
Alex says:
ummm I want my own virtual Olivia Wilde undigitized and made flesh
Alex says:
shiiiit, I'd make a whole army
tony says:
and i want a tron suit but thats about it
tony says:
and a tron snuggie that evil jeff bridges had. i thought you hated olivia wilde
Alex says:
that was good too, it will light my way during the night time. I want one! one Tron snuggie and my own Quorra
tony says:
but you cant possibly tell me that you thought there was a plot or an ending.. or did you just like it regardless? how was olivia wilde supposed to save humanity anyway? they never explained that
Alex says:
humanity wasn't in peril, it was about her as a digital creation, made from nothing
tony says:
what does that have to do with anything? tron coulda satisfied everyone by having more lightcycle scenes.. and/or frisbee battle scenes! everyone expected an epic showdown at the end that involved either one of the aforementioned weapons but instead we get an almost-embrace scene between the two jeff bridges... which was just strange and creepy and weird and curious and hot
Alex says:
I just wanted more glow in the dark Wilde, or that all white chick....mmmmm
tony says:
so none of the stuff i mentioned bothered you about the film?
Alex says:
nope! don't care, epic score, awesome eye candy...it was enough for me
tony says:
well it wasnt the worst film.. but i just expected more i guess but then again i didnt really remember the original
Alex says:
don't need more, it was the exact same film as the first tron, just a rehased story line, and it had all the same stuff....like a updated Tron
tony says:
what story-line!?!? oh nevermind! 6/10 for me
Alex says:
I would go 6/10 too, but Olivia gets a +1 and Daft Punk score gets another +1 making it a 8/10!
wpic!
tony says:
daft punk was cool i agree.. i have been told the music went sooo well with everything.. but i didnt pay too much attention, you're right about that


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: the 2 Bridges
Tony's Pick: the old dude with the beeper

Line of the Movie:
Al: " You're messing with my Zen thing maaan!!"
Tony: 'Radical man!"

tony says:
everytime bridges says anything that remotely sounds like dude lebowski its epic.. agreed?
Alex says:
there was a carpet in his hideout

Faster

Alex says:
What did you learn from this film?
tony says:
that the rock is not just as fast as any killer in the world.. but hes FASTER
Alex says:
way Faster
tony says:
im so glad he did this movie... its been like 5 years since hes killed anyone on film
Alex says:
The ROCK WAS RIPPPPPPEDDD!!!!
Alex says:
I was scurrrred
tony says:
he was ANGRY
tony says:
and FAST
Alex says:
I dunno about you
Alex says:
but if I saw him on the street coming after me, I'd just lie down and give up
tony says:
oh me too
tony says:
the man ran out of prison
tony says:
RAN like 50 miles
Alex says:
he jogged to his car, some unkown distance away
tony says:
ok ok but still
tony says:
epic
tony says:
what did you think about moonbloodgood?
Alex says:
she got fat, but still awesome
Alex says:
cuz she hawt
Alex says:
but you know who else was smoking in this film besides the Rock?!
Alex says:
MAGGIE GRACE
Alex says:
yeah I said eeeetttt
tony says:
oh no you didnt
tony says:
maggie grace is the scum of the earth
Alex says:
she was hawt, I think that scene alone was worth rewatching
Alex says:
you disgust me
tony says:
only you would mention that out of all the badass scenes the rock was in
tony says:
did you even really realize how fast he was?
Alex says:
I didn't, he was too fast
tony says:
plus carla cugino is hotter anyway
Alex says:
oh puuuleeeze
tony says:
the rocks car and use of handgun was worth it alone to watch and were way hotter too
Alex says:
that car was epic
Alex says:
but I think they made that magnum seem more powerful than it really is
Alex says:
I want the Rock's tatoos
Alex says:
and his GUUUNNNZ
tony says:
those tats instill fear
Alex says:
hes a dead man
Alex says:
I felt like I was watching Kill Bill 1/2 way through the film though
tony says:
it did have the kill bill feel
tony says:
except none of his opponents were any good
Alex says:
they didn't stand a chance anyways
tony says:
i'm just glad hes back.. so i dunno how to really judge this film.. cause i might have just really liked it because hes back
Alex says:
it was a good solid action flick
tony says:
but why'd he have to take gary?
tony says:
and why does he threaten everyone at gunpoint first? even his mom
Alex says:
Gary doesn't want to be cooped up at home
tony says:
and why was debra from dexter in this movie? oh i know that one! because she does the best crying scene in modern film
Alex says:
they put a call out for a crying scene, and when Debra responded, all other applicants dropped out
tony says:
do you think watching a debra cry scene should be shown in all drama classes? as manditory video?
Alex says:
there are entire courses around her Crying Demo reel
tony says:
would it be a first year course or an advanced course?
Alex says:
there is a 101 course, then advanced crying, and Oscar grab courses
tony says:
hahahaha
tony says:
someone should do a debra crying montage on youtube
tony says:
anyway thanks rock for doing real movies again, and thanks for being so angry, and thanks especially for being so fast!
Alex says:
I think they should reshoot and replace the Rock in Nic Cage's upcoming film, Drive Angry
Alex says:
maybe he has more Disney films waiting
tony says:
no his contract is expired
tony says:
have both of them in the film!
Alex says:
Nic Cage and the Rock on film? too epic
tony says:
way too epic!
Alex says:
the screen would just evapourate
tony says:
too angry
tony says:
way way way too fast
Alex says:
they'd have to construct some titanium sheet metal as the screen and tickets will cost $50
tony says:
i'd pay!
tony says:
you know you would too
tony says:
7.5/10 for me.. thanks rock !
Alex says:
7/10 standard action, but a good action film, better than his early career stuff
Alex says:
ps Billy Bob is still a douche


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: the Rock
Tony's Pick: the rock candidate for heart of the year

Line of the Movie:
Al: " I masterd Yoga! I've gone beyond Yoga!"
Tony: "is he as fast as you?" "no, he's faster"

The Next Three Days

tony says:
if you're like me and you hate russell crowe and you thought the coolness of liam neeson can get you through this movie.. you're gonna be absolutely furious here..
tony says:
al what was the difference in the time liam was on screen in the trailer compared to the time he was in this film?
Alex says:
none
tony says:
in fact the trailer that we saw before this "unknown" had more liam neeson in it than this film
tony says:
and didnt elizabeth banks look like charlize theron from monster in here? maybe its the orange jumpsuits.
Alex says:
no way, Charlize was naaasty in Monster
Alex says:
you can learn that you can learn a lot watching things on youtube from this film though
tony says:
thats true
tony says:
a lot of criminal things
tony says:
i just didnt care about any of the characters
tony says:
the act of saving her was selfish, she didnt gain any sympathy from the audience, so we didnt care about saving her..
Alex says:
wooot?! quiet english prof and husband of wrongfully accused, takes the law in his own hands and learns everything he needs to so that he can bust his wife out of prison?!
Alex says:
no you're right, what am I saying
Alex says:
Banks looked horrid when she was in jail
Alex says:
after I ripped off those drug dealers and made off with that amount of cash, I woulda hooked up with Olivia Wilde and left
tony says:
MONSTER
tony says:
what was with the weird olivia wilde sideplot?
tony says:
was that an attempt at comic relief?
Alex says:
its not weird, shes HAWT
tony says:
her forehead is massive
Alex says:
you take that back
tony says:
it's giada-esque
Alex says:
shes not whats her name from American Beauty
tony says:
oooh ironhead
tony says:
you're right you're right
Alex says:
I AMMM IRON HEAD
Alex says:
I woulda left the kid too
Alex says:
got on the freeway and said, forget that kid and booked it
tony says:
that would've been more entertaining but like i said.. you dont really care about any of the characters.. you know the boy will still have solid grandparents if his idiot parents got/and they shoudlve got caught
tony says:
so to put it quite frankly.. you just dont care what happens.. its impossible to stay engaged
Alex says:
and were they trying to say something about canadian airports!?
tony says:
i think they were
tony says:
i didnt like that either
tony says:
stupid film
Alex says:
I think this is the perfect television movie in a few years
tony says:
agreed
tony says:
excellent made for tv movie
tony says:
was like watching two jobber wrestlers compete for the wwe belt.. supposed to be exciting but you just dont care
tony says:
proud of liam for not staying too long on this project actually
tony says:
5.5/10 for me..seems like im always getting tricked
Alex says:
he needs to make Taken 2: Took
tony says:
no no more maggie grace!
Alex says:
5/10 also, it had a nice buildup when things started going


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: the deaf passport dealer, cuz he was a nice guy and sought Crowe out to help him
Tony's Pick: the detective

Line of the Movie:
Al: " AAmmmm DAAFFF UUU AAASSSHHHOO"
Tony: "can you kill a guard? "


tony says:
why must you always make fun of the deaf?? you're heartless!
Alex says:
its the accent
Alex says:
its not really making fun of them
Alex says:
just facinated
tony says:
i'll see you in hell!

Due Date

tony says
do you get the feeling that every movie with robert downey jr in it is saved only because robert downey jr is in it?
Alex says
this movie is awesome, but if RDJ was not in it, this movie would've been really depresssing
tony says
it still was depressing! zack galafinakas wasnt funny in here
Alex says
I think thats his brand of humour
tony says:
this movie was like funny people in that it was advertised a lot to seem more funny than it was... its one thing to make a comedy that isnt funny but this movie felt like a depressing drama... im tired of being tricked
Alex says:
yeah, funny people was not funny
Alex says:
did we review that pos?
tony says:
yeah we did
Alex says:
I don't like this trend of comedies
tony says:
and this movie in a lot of ways felt like that
tony says:
i mean dont get me wrong there were a lot of pretty funny scenes...
Alex says:
maybe we should watch dramas and consider them to be comedy
Alex says:
or low budget action flicks, cuz legend of chun li is still funny
tony says:
thats true
tony says:
like i said there were SOME funny scenes, like RDJ punching that kid, and the mexica\from the makers of hangovern border patrol scenes, but a movie labelled
tony says:
from the makers of hangover.. should be all laughs
tony says:
none of this depressing business with zack's dad
Alex says:
actually that kid punching scene I forgot
Alex says:
that was funny
Alex says:
misbehaving kids should be treated as such
tony says:
it was the best scene
Alex says:
I condone beating your kids when they're outta line
tony says:
that kid was a menace
Alex says:
you should try that tmr
Alex says:
he reminded me of a younger Ryan L
tony says:
oh hes sooo a ryan l
tony says:
good connection
Alex says:
cuz he's not hitting you, the dinosaur is
tony says:
i didnt understand why jamie foxx was in this movie too
tony says:
he was creepy
Alex says:
I think RDJ and Foxx are best friends after the Soloist
tony says:
just gives me reason to hate the soloist more
Alex says:
they chill together...
Alex says:
I think he tried to get Foxx for the role of War Machine
tony says:
i hope not
Alex says:
anyways back onto this horrid film they branded as a comedy
Alex says:
I got nothing
Alex says:
the first 30 mins of the film was good...then it got weird and depressing
tony says:
yeah thats pretty much how i felt about it too
tony says:
the dog was funny.. you think he could really do his ""special" talent?
Alex says:
dogs jerk off all the time!
tony says:
im pretty sure ive never seen a dog do it like that!!
tony says:
dont like the coffee can ash tribute for the big lebowski either
tony says:
dont destroy a classic scene
tony says:
wtf does this have to do with vietnam?
tony says:
well i'll give this movie a 6/10 always love downey jr! so i cant give it too low
Alex says:
5/10 for me, not recommendable to anyone, even RDJ fans
tony says:
thats a little harsh no?
Alex says:
and Zach is done, calling it
tony says:
hes the hottest thing right now!
Alex says:
done!
tony says:
wait maybe he's done! and my boy ben foster can finally arrive!
Alex says:
we'll see after the Mechanic
tony says:
lock up your doors!
tony says:
bar up your windows!


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: : RDJ
Tony's Pick: RDJ

Line of the Movie:
Al: "Zach: I think I deserve an apology.... "
"RDJ: An apolo...?! FUUUUCK YOU!
Tony: "you say anything i'll hit you again. we cool?"

Jackass 3D

tony says
i mean it's really hard to review a movie like jackass! i will say that i thought most of the stunts were less funny than the previous movies and the 3D really did nothing to make the film better
Alex says
I think I'm too old to enjoy Jackass now,
tony says
that's what i was just about to say..
Alex says
and I think its a sad state of affairs
tony says
but i get the sense that they might be getting too old to do some of the more dangerous stunts
so it felt like a regression
Alex says
its just all shit and dick stunts and I think Steve-o really has some sort of mental disorder
tony says
i just think the only way you can make these movies better is to go more extreme.. but there's no where else to go although the portapotty bungee was disgusting
Alex says
it seemed like watching a bunch of old tired guys trying to relive their youths...
tony says
exactly
Alex says
maybe that last scene describes the whole movie for me
tony says
where things were blowing up?
Alex says
the portappotty
Alex says
just throw everyone's shit at the camera and make a movie out of it
tony says
hahaha yeah
Alex says
and what with peeing on people? how is that a stunt? or something funny?
people are in straight jackets and a padded room if this was 20 years back
tony says
the old man act was terrible too
Alex says
dirty grandpa was dirty
tony says
not enough funny stuff.. too much stupid and disturbing stuff 3/10 for me.. better off watching the old films
Alex says
or the mtv reruns 3/10 also, cuz I dunno what else to give it


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: no one, they should all retire or check themselves in a care facility
Tony's Pick: johnny knoxville for keeping it going

Line of the Movie:
Al: " He literally shit himself"
Tony: n/a

RED

tony says
ok for this movie, see my review for the losers, basically it was like paint it by the numbers way of making an action comecdy
Alex says
John Malkavich was still worth seeing this film
tony says
that saved me from walking out, i must admit
Alex says
and whats her name from weeds
Alex says
the rest of the film was...there was some conspiracy...some fighting, shooting...and car chases
tony says
weeds girl was SOOO annoying! the romance was unrealistic
tony says
the fact that she'd stick with bruce willis the whole movie was absurd
Alex says
but they read the same books!
tony says
nice al nice
Alex says
ty, oh and why did they have to kill of Morgan Freeman
tony says
morgan dies in almost every film tho and they needed you to have some sort of human emotions besides hatred towards mary louise parker , it was just stupid
Alex says
I have nothing to say about this film other than Malkavich, because there really isn't much else to say
tony says
the movie was so dumb. i 100% agree with you
Alex says
maybe I should read the comics that it was based on? nah who am I kidding?
tony says
4/10 for me all 4 for john malkovich
Alex says
I'd give it the same as Loosers, maybe a +1 for John


The Chelios Heart Award
Al's Pick: Brain Cox's character, I think...I dunno, this film is shite
Tony's Pick: morgan freeman

Line of the Movie:
Al: " the satelites!"
Tony: anything said by malkovich